Red Flags In Dating a Woman: Things To Observe and Stay Alert!
by John Santana
That strong urge you have to find a beautiful woman whom you are physically, emotionally, and spiritually attracted to, who shares the same goals and aspirations as you, who you can procreate with and start your own little tribe? You know what we’re talking about, and it’s totally normal.
In fact, those strong urges that you’re experiencing are actually innate instincts. It’s a survival mechanism, if you will, as men and women are supposed to repopulate to ensure the survival of their species. Humans aren’t the only beings who feel this way; it’s an innate trait in pretty much every species that lives in this realm. Birds, bears, bats, badgers, bunnies, border collies – and every other animal that starts with every other letter of the alphabet – all share the same exact instinct.
Not only is the desire to find a partner whom you can enjoy a successful romantic relationship and start a family with important for the survival of our very species, but this desire also correlates with several other aspects of a happy, fruitful life. Sociologists and scientists have determined that men who are successful in their love life are also more successful at other tasks that are essential for survival.
What we’re trying to say here in a long, roundabout way is that your desire to have a romantic relationship with a woman is 100 percent, completely, and totally normal. In fact – and we aren’t judging anyone here – but it would be abnormal if you didn’t have the desire to meet someone who you can call your partner. With that said, however, not every woman you meet is going to fit the bill.
In other words, not every woman will improve your life and make you want to do and be a better, well, you. In fact, chances are that when you start dating, you’re going to run into a few “wrong” women before you find the “right” one.
Finding the perfect partner is a difficult task, but it isn’t one that can’t be achieved; obviously, just look at how many successful, happily married couples there are in the world (we promise, while the media may make it seem like couples most couples are miserable or end up splitting, or that the vast majority of women are bitter and cruel, that absolutely is not the case; they’re lying, as the media often does.)
With that said, there is a way that you can avoid investing your time, energy, effort, and emotion into a relationship with a woman whose goals and ideas don’t align with yours. How? By being aware of some warning signs. Yes, fellas, there are red flags that you can be on the lookout for when you’re dating that indicate a lady isn’t the right fit for you.
What are those red flags? Keep on reading for some of the telltale warning signs that you should be on the lookout for. These behaviors should make you raise your eyebrows and proceed with caution.
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Watch Out For These Red Flags When Dating a Woman
She’s Overly Affectionate
Don’t get us wrong, affection isn’t the problem. In fact, you want a woman who is affectionate toward you, not someone who is cold-hearted and unemotional. That said, however, if a lady is overly affectionate right out of the gate or “love bombs” you, as it’s often called, that’s a major cause for concern.
Love bombing is a term that is used to describe a manipulative technique that some women use. Ladies who employ this technique are overly affectionate right at the start of the relationship. They might tell you that they love you after your first date or before you’ve even met in person, and they might say things like, “I would do anything for you,” or “I wouldn’t be able to live without you,” etc.
These ladies will persuade you to put everything into a relationship at breakneck speed, slapping a label that reads “exclusive” on your relationship within a couple of weeks or even just a few days. That’s a major, major, major red flag. Why? Well, while she might think the affection that she is showering you with is sincere, more than likely, what she is experiencing is infatuation, not love, and those are two very different things.
The beginning stages of a new relationship are called the “honeymoon phase.” If you get into a relationship with someone who is infatuated with you and “love bombs” you, when the honeymoon phase is over, it’s highly likely that things are going to change. She could end up being really mean, hateful, and spiteful toward you, for example.
You could end up suffering serious emotional, mental, or even physical abuse. If this type of situation doesn’t sound appealing to you (we sure hope that is the case), beware of any woman who inundates you with copious amounts of love and affection way too soon.
She’s Possessive
It’s normal for both men and women to feel a bit possessive and even a twinge of jealousy every once in a while, as you don’t want someone to swoop in and “steal” your special someone. In fact, a bit of possessiveness and a twinge of jealousy can actually be a good thing.
For instance, imagine your girlfriend’s co-worker has made it known that he has a crush on her and acts in ways that make it completely obvious that he is trying to steal her away from you. He sends her flowers, texts or calls her constantly, invites her out to dinner, buys her expensive presents, calls her first thing in the morning and right before he goes to bed at night, etc.
She, however, is seemingly unaware of the situation, or she just doesn’t know how to handle it. Here you’re possessiveness and jealousy can be beneficial, as those feelings just may just be what kick-start you into having a discussion about the situation with her and with the co-worker.
A touch of possessiveness and a twinge of jealousy can help to establish boundaries in a healthy relationship and ensure effective, open, and honest communication. The keywords there are “touch” and “twinge.” If your lady friend is acting uber-possessive and crazy jealous, as if she owns you, that’s a definite red flag.
For example, she might accuse you of cheating on a constant basis, doesn’t want you to hang out with anyone but her – not even your guy pals, and certainly not any other girls – always has to be with you during every waking (and sleeping) moment, and calls and texts you nonstop and gets pissed when you take a little while to respond, well, you should be concerned and we suggest you consider calling things off.
She’s a Liar
While a tall tale here and there may be innocent (you may have told your girlfriend you liked her top when really, you didn’t care for it, but you told her you liked it because you know that she liked it), flat-out lies, then you need to cut her off. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship; without it, your relationship simply isn’t going to last. If she is a liar, how can you trust her? And if you can’t trust her, how can you have a healthy and successful relationship with her?
She’s Always Bad-Mouthing Former Boyfriends
Many people have experienced bad breakups. Things were uncivilized, got really ugly, and you parted ways. A lot of people have less-than-fantastic relationships with their former lovers; in fact, they have a hard time even wishing them well. With that said, however, if bashing exes is your current lady friend’s favorite pastime, then you should be concerned. Very concerned.
If she is constantly talking about her past boyfriends in a negative way, she is always telling you about all of the terrible things he did, and she never ceases to mention how she wishes she had never dated him in the first place, well, you should reconsider the status of your relationship.
There’s an old saying: people are in our lives for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. In other words, everyone we encounter and have a relationship with has served some purpose in our lives. They taught us invaluable things about ourselves, others, and the world at large.
With that said, if your girlfriend is investing way too much time, energy, and effort into hating those she has dated in the past, then she probably isn’t ready to move on and have a committed relationship with you.
Her Track Record Includes Cheating
There is a big difference between making a mistake one time and being a career cheater. Studies have found that those who repeatedly cheat on their partners experience less guilt each time they do it. The reason? It’s actually related to neuroscience, as the amygdala, a key part of the brain, sends out less powerful negative responses each time a person cheats and lies about it. While this may be good for the person who is cheating, it isn’t good for the person they are cheating on – nor is it good for the person they are cheating with.
Serial cheating is actually a sign of personality disorder; it has been associated with both antisocial personality and narcissistic personality disorders. That’s because people who are diagnosed with these conditions lack the ability to feel empathy or compassion for anyone but themselves.
If you want to avoid having your heart broken and dealing with mental and emotional trauma, then you are definitely going to want to steer clear of ladies who have a history of cheating.
She’s Newly Single
While it might not be a bad thing, dating someone who is newly single is something that you should take into consideration. This is particularly true if she has just gotten out of a long-term, committed relationship or a marriage. The reason is that it takes time to deal with the emotions and heal from the trauma that is associated with ending a serious relationship.
Often, women who jump into new relationships immediately after they’ve ended one do so because they are trying to conceal their pain and don’t know how to cope, so they seek the love and affection of someone else to help them navigate. If that’s the case, the truth is, the chances that she is going to really be able to commit herself fully to you are slim to none. Is it possible? Sure. But it’s unlikely.
She Can’t Handle Her Finances
Financial responsibility indicates responsibility for other major aspects of life. It’s true that money isn’t everything; however, it is a necessary evil, and knowing how to manage your finances is important, as it is such a vital part of our lives. If the gal-pal you’re currently seeing stinks with managing her money, then you should really take that as a big warning sign.
People who poorly manage finances are often immature and don’t know how to properly handle challenges that they may encounter. If your lady friend has major financial issues – she keeps spending, even though she’s in a mountain of debt – then that’s a serious cause for concern.
Whether you’re the breadwinner, she is, or you both are, in relationships, financial responsibilities are shared responsibilities, so it’s important to find someone you can count on to handle finances wisely.
She’s Demeaning
The final red flag on our list… When a woman is demeaning, both toward you and others, then that should tell you all you need to know. If she constantly puts you down and belittles others – for example, she always makes you feel like a crud, or she is rude to waiters and waitresses – it’s pretty much guaranteed that you aren’t going to have a fulfilling relationship with this chick.
A woman who is worth your while will be caring and compassionate. She’ll treat you with care and compassion, and she will be as polite to the wait staff as she would be to the CEO of her company.
Final Thoughts
There you have it: our red flags for dating women. We do hope that these warning signs will help to steer you in the right direction of a woman who is worthy of your time, affection, and attention.
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