Last Updated on May 31, 2022
You’ve met someone. And suddenly you can’t remember having ever been so consumed with anything or anyone else like this.
In fact, you might find yourself asking, “Where has he been all my life?”! This is it! This is the one! You just know it!
Or do you? Don’t get us wrong – rollercoasters are great, and the thrill of a prospective new romantic relationship is exciting like no other, but unlike rollercoasters, the soaring highs and the sinking lows of infatuation are just not sustainable.
“How then [you wail, in tones of Shakespearian tragedy] can I know the difference?”. Despair not, fair maiden – we are here to help you!
Signs of Infatuation: Our Shortlist
What really throws us for a loop is that all of us, at some point in our lives, have grossly confused infatuation with real love, because, in the early stages, so many of the aspects of love and infatuation present themselves in the same way.
To help you, we thought that a definition of infatuation might be useful before we go into details.
According to the Oxford Languages Dictionary, infatuation is “an intense, but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something”.
While love, on the other hand, is defined as being “an intense feeling of deep affection for (someone)”. It is no wonder then, that we get mixed up.
We’ve listed the biggest signs that you are infatuated with a person and what you can do to get “back to life, back to reality”. See what we did there?
1. You are completely consumed with them
In the beginning, like from the moment of first sight, you find yourself in this all-consuming haze of physical attraction.
All you can do is think about this person, and talk about this person.
Infatuation is confusing
It’s euphoric and intense. You are completely overwhelmed with feelings of sexual lust, in fact, your thoughts revolve around romantic scenarios fraught with tension and electricity that ultimately end in Mills & Boon type passionate sex, with heaving bosoms, etc.
Emotions can’t be trusted
- You need to relax. Take a moment and compose yourself. Firstly, congratulations on having a primed imagination, but secondly, let’s look at the facts:
- Does this person know you exist? If not [insert stalker vibes here], then perhaps you need to consider the title of the Netflix series they make about your insanity.
- And, what do you even know about this person? They could be a serial killer. A dashing, sexy, charming serial killer (sure), but a serial killer nonetheless. Get a hold of yourself woman!
- When you imagine your perfect loving relationship with someone, does it only involve sex and snack breaks? This is not sustainable! You’re going to need to sleep sometime, and quite frankly someone’s got to pay the bills.
- Despite what our imaginations would have us believe, real love is not a perpetual honeymoon phase, with bronzed bodies, hairless areas of importance, minty breath and frivolously ripped lingerie!
- No! Real love is that Sunday kind of love; a love that lasts past Saturday night. A love that still finds you sexy and attractive even though your leg hairs are so long and hard; you could grate cheese on them!
Get it together! Reality is that ugly step-sister we can do without, but sometimes she’s just plain old necessary.
You refuse to acknowledge their flaws
While we’re on the topic of cheese-grating leg hairs, another one of the sure signs of infatuation is that you just can’t see anything wrong with this person.
Again, it revolves mostly around physical attraction, but at this point, you are not even prepared to think about anything that mars your idea of their perfection.
Let’s talk about sex, baby!
Infatuation makes us want to generally avoid having actual conversations with this person, because honestly; what are we going to talk about?
We’d love to be a fly on the wall, when you start your conversation with, “So the other day I was thinking about you, and you had me up against the kitchen counter…”.
Let us know how that goes, will you? We get it, you can’t help being infatuated, and you can’t help being swept up in the tide of lust and intimacy, and hormones, but the truth is that you can.
Feelings are confusing
- Talk to your friends and family. They both know and love you, and they’ll be able to notice and see things about this person that you won’t.
- Once you’ve passed the early stages of infatuation, your emotions will begin to balance out. The more you are honest about what you are thinking and feeling, the more your friends will be able to advise you.
- In reality, real love is when you realize and accept that a person has flaws and that relationships are imperfect (which is not a bad thing). In fact, it’s actually quite a relief, because while we’re quite sure you’re great – you too are not the paragon of perfection!
2. Develop an accurate idea of the person
Talking to the object of your infatuation is an absolutely fantastic way of getting a good sense of what kind of a person they are on the inside because we know what they are on the outside (according to our “heart” eyes).
Spending time with your “love interest” on a regular basis will also quickly put paid to any false ideas you might have about them.
It will also prove whether the strong attraction is mutual and whether they are interested in you.
3. You constantly have feelings of insecurity and jealousy
Yes, we are naming and shaming! It is not real love when your self-esteem and well being go for a ball of chalk!
One of the dreadful signs of infatuation is the emotional toll it takes on you.
Infatuation is like cocaine addiction
We found out that scientific studies have shown that the powerful feeling of infatuation is the same as if you took cocaine. This is a bad thing.
We get that you want to love and feel loved, but if the thought of being rejected by them in any makes you frantic and crazy, then Houston – we have a problem.
A new relationship like any other new thing is scary and exciting, but if spending time with this person or at least thinking about this person makes you worry that they’re not true to you, makes you jealous, makes you feel sick (yes, like real health issues) then pay attention to your body’s natural warning system!
Sex does matter, to a degree
We don’t even care if the sex is good. In the long run, the only thing about relationships that should make your head, heart and gut hurt is the occasional, normal family issue, miscommunication, etc.
None of which matter in that they don’t stop you from loving your partner and finding them attractive. Healthy relationships are a place where you legitimately feel secure.
In a healthy relationship, you don’t focus on the flaws of your partner or develop constant ways to hurt them or act in such a way that leaves them feeling insecure and worthless. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
5. Falling head over heels (in love)
The only little thing that makes love crazy is how your joy is centred around them but takes nothing away from your worth, or who you are.
In fact, a sign of a healthy loving relationship is when two people are able to be who they are, be loved for it, and love in spite of it.
Flaws and all. This tends to happen when a person takes a genuine interest in another, and from that; feelings of deep affection blossom and grow.
Come on baby, light my fire!
Imagine infatuation like a really intense, super hot fire that sparks and sputters and blazes. Think of love like a steady, hot fire that glows and warms.
Sparks are erratic and die out, sometimes where they land – they set things alight and burn them to the ground. Sparks are intense, short bursts of energy that end in nothing.
Steady fires that glow and warm are safe and secure. They leave us feeling cosy and fulfilled. They require watchful effort with magnificent, endearing results.
We hope that as your relationship coach we have helped you to see the wood for the trees. Every relationship will start off with an infatuation stage, but what separates the mice from the men, is how long it lasts and what it develops into.