Talking Vs. Dating: What’s The Difference?
by John Santana
A new relationship is brewing. You are getting to know someone. There are visible signs of romance. Still, how do you know you are dating?
Talking to someone with a romantic intent is not the same as dating. In fact, the two are so different that getting them confused would be embarrassing. You don’t want to wrongly assume your date’s intentions.
Find out what their actions tell you in this article!
What Is Talking?
When you are talking to someone, there is zero obligation to develop anything further. You are evaluating your options. You can be talking to multiple people at the same time. As you are simply getting to know each other, nothing romantic is happening yet.
Casual flirts may happen but it surely doesn’t imply a relationship of any sort. Both sides are sending mixed signals back and forth to see how compatible they are. Most of the time, talking does not have to be romantic. Perhaps after the initial chat, you discover you are better off being friends.
What Is Dating?
Dating is way more exclusive than talking, although it still does not necessarily imply a committed relationship. When you are moving on from talking to dating, you are filtering potential dates out. You are no longer talking to several people at a time. All your energy goes into one person until you decide if you want to be in a serious relationship with them.
There are many layers to dating. In some cases, casual dating does not mean exclusivity. You or your partner can still be seeing other people. Yet, the whole process should be transparent as you do owe each other an explanation. Dating means you should keep each other in the loop whereas talking means you are free to do anything.
Signs That You Are Dating And Not Talking
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You Meet Up Frequently
During the talking stage, there really isn’t much point in meeting frequently as you could be talking to a dozen people at the same time. Besides, there are often weird people on the internet. So, if you often use online dating sites or social media to explore your options, you do need to wait a bit before meeting them to make sure they are not catfishing you.
When you start meeting up frequently, you are dating. You don’t need to meet up with someone constantly to talk to them. It usually means you want to see them and enjoy their company.
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You Do Romantic Activities Together
All your dates involve a selection of romantic activities such as attending musicals, fine dining, or hitting a cocktail bar. Both sides put effort into the activities you do. Normally, when you are just talking to someone, there is no need to put in much thought. Just a coffee date will do.
You start noticing you get mistaken for being a couple in public. Vendors come asking you to buy a flower for your girl. Everything seems to suggest you are more than just friends.
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Sex Is Regular
Physical intimacy is a big sign of your closeness to someone. A one-night stand means you will not see someone after. But if sex is regular, you are casually dating and not only talking. You both want to see each other often.
Physical attraction is hard to deny. Even if the relationship is not official, you are still dating. This is more than talking when physical intimacy is involved.
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You Make Plans In Advance Together
Committing to a future plan means compromises. You are putting things aside to clear your schedule for them. Your partner already has an important place in your heart. While you may not realize how much they mean to you as you are only having fun, their existence becomes part of your regular life.
Every once in a while, you make plans ahead of time to go to a football game or a hiking trip. These plans show your commitment to your lover, which means you are dating.
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You Are An Item On Social Media
It sounds shallow but social media says a lot these days. It did not happen unless it happened on social media. When the relationship forms, people tend to blast it on social media. The happiness of finding someone special is the best feeling ever.
Before you know it, your face is on their social media posts. It signifies your presence in their life. By comparing how frequently you appear in their stories, you can get a sense of how much you are involved in their life. It transforms you from the talking stage into the dating stage.
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You Feel Comfortable Around Them
Talking to someone does not automatically make you comfortable around them. You are still pretty new in each other’s life. It takes time to form intimacy. Once you feel relaxed around them, you will open up more.
Feeling comfortable is an easily omitted sign of dating. You still feel reserved in the talking stage as you want to maintain a certain image. But when you are dating someone, you feel content enough to be true to yourself. It is an incredible feeling.
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You Have Shared Memories Together
Creating mutual experiences is another step in the dating phase. Talking to someone is hardly memorable as there are no shared memories. You are solely the receiver of their stories without physically being in them.
The more activities you do together, the more memories you share. Eventually, you will enter the dating phase. It is important that you can explain to others what you have been doing as a couple. Think about moments that make you smile and see how many clips appear in your mind.
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They Affect Your Emotions
Humans don’t have the mental capacity to care about everyone else’s stories. Only the people dearest to you will have your heartstrings. When your lover starts affecting your emotions, you are getting attached.
Becoming attached is neither good nor bad. It only means you are entering a relationship. Your date will start exhibiting signs of affection too. It shows that they are becoming attached to your emotional well-being.
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You Are In Their Close Circle
Getting invited to join their friends and family gatherings means it’s time to rip off the “talking” label. Your date obviously wants to include you in their life. They are bringing you closer to their friends to merge the group together. Simultaneously, they must be looking forward to you doing the same.
Whether you are comfortable returning the favor says a lot. If the feeling is mutual, you are on the hook. Otherwise, it can be overwhelming because you are not ready to bring a new person to your existing circle.
Does Dating Happen After Talking?
Logically yes, every dating chapter starts after the talking stage. You have to talk to someone first before you know if you want to date them. There are times when people jump into dating immediately. Perhaps they are going on a blind date and hit it off instantly or there is intense passion. Whatever the reasons, skipping the talking stage is not quite the norm.
Furthermore, as a sensible dater, you should not skip a stage that gives you the necessary information to judge a character. Jumping into a relationship too quickly means you could be blinded by certain traits. Everyone should not neglect the importance of the talking stage. It gives valuable information and you can test out your compatibility.
How Long Is The Talking Stage Before Dating?
Despite being a personal choice, an ideal talking stage ranges from a few days to a few months. No matter how you feel, you should make a decision on either moving forward or terminating the interaction then.
Every lover has a set of standards for meeting someone. Some people find it too boring to talk for a few months without any action while others find it necessary to build common ground.
Usually, a few days would give you a glimpse into the person’s life. You develop a sense of trust with them and begin to bond. It is not enough to possibly know their full life story but you would know how compatible you are as a couple.
For some people, taking at least several months gives them the confidence to date them. Dating is usually more serious for these people. They are not willing to label anything until they can be sure of it. Therefore, things will move along slowly over these few months. Even if they have time, they will not rush things because they need time to digest them.
However, you should not take more than a few months to talk to someone. Remember, you are waiting for an answer as much as they are. A few months can turn a potential partner away. They could be dating someone else by then. On top of that, postponed romance is not always the hottest. The physical attraction could dime with waiting. Hence, seize the chance when you know it.
How Does Talking Turn Into Dating?
With all the signs above, you now roughly know which stage of the relationship you are in. If it sounds like you are dating, that’s not the end of it. Still, you need confirmation instead of being left in the dark.
Thankfully, these days, the job of confessing your feelings does not fall onto the man only. Women could also be taking control in voicing their expectations. Both sides can officially turn the talking stage into dating.
When the time is right, take charge. Don’t play the guessing game and wait for your lover to take over. Usually, when you can feel things are going right, the other person is feeling the same. That’s why these signs can help you determine your success rate. It is almost foolproof.
As a new couple, there are some ground rules to make. This is the time you start discussing what to do with all the other dates you have been talking to. Ideally, you will scrape them and focus on the new relationship.
Have an open discussion to establish trust. Everything should be transparent when you are dating. It is now officially your partner’s business if you are talking to someone else romantically.
That said, some people are looking to date casually without much commitment. In that case, you have to set appropriate expectations. You know you have passed the talking stage but you are not boyfriend/girlfriend. So, both sides should know their positions to not get disappointed in the future.
In the beginning, it is nerve-wracking to guess where you stand in this relationship. As things get clear, an honest discussion is all you need to sort things out.
Should You Text Every Day During The Talking Stage?
Setting the right pace from the start changes the game. Although there is no rule against any move, you might want to gradually up your texting capacity. The thing is, if you jump into texting intensely during the first few days, you will likely experience burnout rather quickly. That’s how most relationships die in the cradle before seeing the dawn.
The traditional way is to first exchange some texts back and forth. If you find the conversation interesting, increase your response rate and see if the other person follows. Remember to take a step back if they don’t reply as frequently. It eases the pressure on them to reply and you don’t seem so desperate.
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Summary
Identifying your relationship stage clears the air. Once you know where you stand, you know what to do next. Next time you feel forever stuck in the stage of entering a relationship, go through the above signs. You will know if your date wants you or if they are just exploring opportunities.
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