4 Signs You’re Dating a Mama’s Boy & What To Do About It
by John Santana
Imagine this, you are on your first date with this handsome guy. He shows up in an expensive tuxedo. Your fairytale moment is about to happen. Then, the first thing he says is, “I have to text my mom the menu because I don’t know what to order.”
How big of a turn-off would that be? Is being a mama’s boy an inherent sin? What should you do if you are at a crossroads about dating one? Is it really a dealbreaker? Dating a mama’s boy might be a first for you.
So, we have collected all the information here so you get a clear sense of what is going on and how to deal with it.
What Is a Mama’s Boy?
A mama’s boy refers to a grown man with his life heavily controlled by his mother. He is acting beyond a good son. His mom takes all responsibilities off his shoulder in life. In an ideal relationship, you would not want your man to behave as much. The huge influence his dear mom has on him may negatively impact your relationship.
The rule of thumb for finding a desirable date is different for everyone. You can’t apply the same scale to everyone. However, dating a mama’s boy almost never ends well for those involved. After all, you want to be dating him and not his mom, right?
4 Signs That He Is a Mama’s Boy
It can be confusing to distinguish a mama’s boy and a guy having a loving relationship with his mom. Check to see if he shows the following traits. If there are signs for a few of the following, it is safe to say that he is his mama’s beloved boy.
1. He Asks For His Mum’s Opinions On Everything
When you were a child, you can enjoy the shelter of having someone else make all the decisions for you. Normally, the privilege goes as you grow up. You have to take the steering wheel. All life choices are yours to make. You have to bear the consequences as well. However, some people never grow out of being a child to their parents.
From joining a weekend football club to choosing a life partner, a mama’s boy is deprived of his right to make life choices freely. It is a rather toxic relationship as one person is dominating the freedom of another. Making countless decisions independently makes a person who they are. It is not a good sign if the person seeks suggestions and approval from his innate family all the time.
If your boy lacks the backbone for it and asks for his mum’s opinions on everything, see it as a red flag. Imagine going out with him on a date night and finding out his mum is sitting at the next table watching your every move.
2. She Is Too Involved With Your Life
Her control does not end with her son’s life. It extends to everyone her son is involved with. When you are dating him, you will start noticing traces of his mom’s overbearing character. It seems like she cares about your life just a little bit too much. She knows everything you do and gives “expert criticism” on your life choices.
Indeed, your suspicion is correct. Your man is feeling information to his mom. All the trivial things between the two of you are now in his mom’s knowledge. From small arguments to your sex life, his mom probably remembers more details than you. It does not necessarily make him a snitch. His mom may be forcing him to reveal information about you.
She will try to extend her tentacles on you. You will start feeling low about making all the “wrong decisions” that she does not approve of. Destroying your self-esteem is how she gets to you. The worst part is that your lover will stand by his mother, defending her action instead of acknowledging your concern. Yep, that makes him a mama’s boy.
3. His Temper Is Uncontrollable
A mama’s boy is often spoiled by his parents unconditionally whether he behaves well or not. He will always have the attention of his mother. It is never his fault when things go wrong. Acknowledging his mistakes and apologizing for them are not his virtues. This all contributes to his unpredictable character. He can be overly cheery one moment and burst into outrage in a split second.
If you man had a bad day and came home all stressed out. No matter how much you try to comfort him and it just won’t be enough until his mum comes over to pat him on the shoulder. It is not a pretty sight when he is sobbing and calling for his mom because you don’t know how to make him smile as his mom does.
To judge a person is better to observe them in their downtime rather than in uptime because that is when someone truly shows how they cope with stress and issues in life. His failure to take responsibility in life may reflect his over-reliance on his mom.
4. Never Does His Part Of The Housework
Household chores are not in his department. Growing up, his mom took care of everything. As such, she brews him into an incapable human being. He is brainwashed by the belief that he is too superior for any inferior work. A spoiled kid will never know how tough it is to run a household. If your man expects to receive royal treatment after a long day of work without helping out with housework, you can tell a lot about his upbringing.
At his home, he never had to worry about making his meals or doing the cleaning. So, why would he want to do it for you? He is probably still bringing his laundry to mom because he doesn’t know how to use a washing machine. You will be expected to do everything for him just like how his mum did.
How To Cope When You Are In Love With a Mama’s Boy?
Love is blind and inevitable, even if it is with a mama’s boy. Here is what you should do if you are in love with a Mama’s boy.
1. Don’t Call Him Out
You should not call out a mama’s boy for two reasons. First, he will never admit it as he doesn’t see it that way. Second, he will go home and cry to his mom. It fuels his anger to hear bad names against him and his mom. Sometimes, it is easy to slip those hateful words when the emotion is high.
Instead of criticizing your partner, try to build a constructive conversation about what you expect from the relationship. Your man may not know his behaviors have been suffocating. Enlighten him by mentioning you want more together time with the two of you and keeping your love life private.
2. Subtly Throw Off The Mother-Son Dynamic
Everything takes him. He is not going to cut off his mom instantly. Next time your partner is meeting with his mum, tag along. Only with your presence can show both your loved one and his mother that you are well involved and aware.
This can subtly throw off the mother-son dynamic as you insert more dominance into his life. A lot of times the mother that still thinks her son is still a child. With you there, she may realize it’s time to let another woman take over the situation.
3. Tells Him Directly That He Should Make a Change
If the civil approach does not work, you may have to confront him even if it will hurt both of your feelings. Being constructive about the issue is the best way. Let him know that he is no longer under the shelter of his mom. If he wants the relationship to go forward, he has to change.
Give him some household chores, push him to cook, and most importantly, make him stop calling his mom three times a day to report details of your life. He needs to respect your privacy or else he can go back to marry his mom. Be firm about your stance and do not let anyone violate your dignity.
Don’t be afraid to sound harsh. Perhaps all he needs is a reality check. He is no longer a hatchling needing mama’s protection. He is a full-grown man that should be taking charge of his life. He needs to find a healthy balance so he can be a good son and a good lover.
4. Walk Away
It is never your job to nurture someone else’s son, especially when he is too deep in her paws. Eventually, maybe he enjoys having someone to back him up. He fears that all his lovers will leave him. His mom has taught him to believe that only she will stay with him. This is a childhood trauma that requires years of therapy to fix.
You can’t heal someone that does not want to be healed. In his mind, he has a good relationship with his mom and you are coming between them. For your sake, it is your cue to exit the stage.
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Summary
Not every relationship with a Mama’s boy is inevitably doomed. They just need correct guidance on setting boundaries and keeping a power balance with their mothers. There is a little boy inside every man trying to grow up. Work through the issues with your man and learn to prioritize your happiness if he is reluctant to change.
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