9 Tips Before Dating a Fearful Avoidant Woman
by John Santana
The environment you grow up in shapes you for the rest of your life. As a child, parents are supposed to give love and support. Then, the child will learn how to reciprocate and show the same intimacy to their future partner in the future.
On the other hand, children with a checkered past may become fearful of attachment. Their suffering has taught them to push people away. This hugely affects their behavior in relationships. If you are dating a fearful avoidant woman, here is what you need to know.
What Is a Fearful Avoidant Attachment?
Neglected children often become fearful avoidant as a defensive mechanism to shield themselves from further harm. Their childhood trauma intensifies, making them unable to grow attachment out of fear of being abandoned or hurt again.
Fearful avoidant women will exhibit extreme emotions in minor scenarios. They are not the best at keeping their temper in check. When things become too serious in a relationship, they will start to panic and look for a way out. It scares them to be in a committed relationship.
Opposite to the contrary belief, fearful avoidant women do not shut people out. In fact, they are actively seeking love. They desire that intimacy in life since they were not able to get it as a child. However, due to their traumatic experience, whenever they start getting attached, their brain reminds them of the bad consequences and they will push people away.
Their feelings are contradictory. It is something they have to battle for the rest of their lives. In most cases, fearful avoidant women can sustain a healthy relationship as long as they are given the right support and guidance. They can love like normal people.
How to Date a Fearful Avoidant Woman?
1. Be ready for some casual sex at first
It will take a long time for a fearful avoidant woman to commit. In the beginning, they want nothing spiritual or emotional. By keeping things physical, they feel they can control their abandonment issues. They do not want to invest in you just to be hurt.
Convincing her to tie the knot will be the ultimate fairytale but it is not impossible. You will have to be extremely patient. For those looking for the lovey-dovey kind of commitment right from the start, you will have a hard time finding the balance.
Take things slow and enjoy casual sex for a while. Show her you are worth giving a shot.
2. Give her a sense of security
Remember to inject her with a daily dose of sweet talk. Since a fearful avoidant woman is insecure about love, you need to go the extra mile to make her feel safe. Compliment her style and personality. Let her know how grateful you are to be with her.
Remind her of all the wonderful adventures you have gone on and how much you are looking for more. These acts can be seen as repetitive but they work like a charm.
3. You may want to limit unnecessary contact with other female friends
Her sensitive nature will drive her mind crazy. She is constantly doubtful that you will leave her for someone better. In her defense, she is trying her best not to be a controlling partner because she knows deep down how unhealthy it is. But it is easier said than done.
Having a close friendship with other female friends will likely cause trouble in your relationship. She will struggle to put faith in you. Her traumatic experience is eating her up and she does not want to take the same risk again.
4. Stand your ground and explain yourself against inaccurate accusations
The tendency to blame mistakes on their partner is a typical trait manifested from their gigantic insecurity. They want to convince themselves that something is wrong with you so they can keep their distance guilt-free.
Stand your group when she falsely accuses. Explain to her why this is unfounded. While standing firm for your innocence, try to come up with a solution to the problem she is facing. Only by solving the core issue will this all go away.
5. Take her to therapy
Anyone with a traumatic past that hinders a normal love life should seek professional help from therapy. Encourage her to open up to a therapist that can guide her to the right path. She needs to disclose her fear to someone that can be analytical and critical about identifying the issues.
Show her the support during all the sessions. Drop her off and discuss the progress but at the same time respect her privacy.
6. Organize activities for her and her family
People with fearful avoidant attachment usually are not close to their families and friends. They cannot get over what happened or how they were mistreated. While you cannot be the savior, you can try to build bridges for her and those around her.
Organize a picnic with her family on a lovely Sunday. Become friends with her friends so you can blend in and see her world. You will get to know her character so much better through the ones around her.
7. Educate yourself about the symptoms
There are many symptoms and deeper causes of the fearful avoidant attachment issue. Read more about it and attend the therapy sessions with your partner if she wants to. Join some online support group to let out your frustration so you can be on the road again. The more you know about their inner thoughts and reasoning, the more you can get along with them.
8. Give yourself a break
Do not be too harsh on yourself. No one is born to deal with this. Extreme emotions can burn like hell. You should be rewarding yourself for your effort. It is fine to feel overwhelmed. Take a break to relax and reload yourself with energy.
Tell your partner that you want to be there for her, but first, you need to be there for yourself. You cannot dedicate everything to others if you cannot even take care of your own needs. When you tell your partner you want some time for yourself, make sure you put your thoughts nicely.
She should not be blamed. Let her know how great everything has been going but you also need some time to evaluate the situation so you can be a better person. Arrange with her so she feels comfortable with you and takes a step back.
9. Draw some boundaries
No matter how bad things go, there should always be a boundary both of you should not cross. Write it down in black and white. Maybe she does not want you to do certain things and you do not want her to use some words in an argument. Whatever your line is, make it known.
Drawing clear boundaries helps avoid future conflicts. Everyone should know that some actions or words said under extreme emotions will leave a permanent scar. It should not come to this ever. The boundary you draw has to be reasonable and you need to explain it to her so she knows why this is offensive to you. Likewise, you need to respect her boundary.
Can a Fearful Avoidant Woman Fall in Love?
Despite all the challenges, a fearful avoidant woman can fall in love as much as others. Their conditions simply prevent them from trusting others too easily. It is not their fault for all the troubles they have gone through.
Once they open up to you and see your value, they will hold on to you tightly. You are possibly the only person they trust in the world. You need to understand that when she falls in love, she is deep. She is thinking about the happily ever after that she has been longing for.
She will turn into a different person. In the beginning, when she is battling her feelings, she is hot and cold. Sometimes she throws you a bone to chew on but other times she does not even want to speak to you.
That all changes when she decides it is time to put a label on it. She will devote her life to loving and caring for you. Her childhood experience allows her to be compassionate and understanding of the importance of a healthy relationship. She will do anything to make you happy.
Being a fully functioning couple means a lot to her. Falling into the same trap as her parents is a nightmare. She will take all the advice she can to be a good partner. When you have figured out a way to date a fearful avoidant woman, it will be as magical as you imagine it.
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Summary
Your love story with a fearful avoidant woman is like a rose. It looks beautiful but there are thorns along the way. These do not diminish its beauty, you just have to find a way to master building this relationship. Once you get there will you be rewarded with the most meaningful romantic story ever.
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