7 Things To Follow Before Dating As An Introvert
by John Santana
Being in the dating scene can already be difficult. Unless you get really lucky and find the perfect person right away, you likely will have to go on dates with several people until you find someone you click with. However, this can be a lot for introverts out there who find chatting with new people anxiety-inducing.
We understand that dating as an introvert is tiring and quite difficult. That’s why we want to provide you with tips and skills to make dating more manageable.
We will cover both tips to help you get out there in the dating scene and tips to make being with your special someone easier.
Tips For Dating as an Introvert
1. Go To a Comfortable Location
Eating at a restaurant can make you think about every bite that you take and what your date thinks about your order. The movies can be so quiet you worry about the sound of your breathing. The traditional date locations may not be for everyone, especially introverts.
When going on a date with someone, pick a place that makes you comfortable. Go to your favorite coffee shop or share your music interests at a record store. Picking a place where you are already comfortable gives you the advantage of not being somewhere that will give you anxiety.
Also, being in a location that you are already comfortable in gives you plenty to talk about. If you go on a date to the coffee shop, you can chat about the kinds of caffeinated drinks you both like. You can share stories about different customers that you have seen in the past or funny events that happened in the shop.
2. Have Some Questions And Conversation Topics Prepared
The worst part of meeting someone new is figuring out what to talk about. Awkward silence can feel painful and it often happens when both you and your date can’t figure out what to say.
Prevent this painful silence by having a few topic points to bring up with your date. There are many “get to know you” questions online that can not only get you talking with your date but also help you learn more about them as well. Bonus points if the questions and topics are related to what kind of date you are going on.
When you come up with questions, make sure they can be expanded on. Asking “do you like to ski?” can stop the silence for a moment and get a yes or no as a response, but it doesn’t do much more than that. Then, you are left with silence once again.
Asking questions that can be expanded on leads to a more in-depth conversation between you and your date. Questions like “when did you first start skiing,” can lead to more questions and stories about their past. This gives you more room to allow your date to talk and to learn more about them as well.
There isn’t anything wrong with asking the occasional yes/no question, but you must have a way to build upon it otherwise your conversation will start sounding like an awkward interview.
3. Have “At-Home” Dates
If you have been seeing someone for a little bit and are comfortable being at home with them, consider having a date at home. That way you don’t have to get yourself dressed and ready to leave the house. Home dates can also be cheaper because you aren’t spending money on activities and expensive food.
Many date ideas can be done at home. There’s the classic watching a movie on the couch with your partner or making a lovely dinner for them, but there’s more to that. Have a game night where you both bring your favorite games (can be video games or even board games) and spend a night incorporating friendly competition into your relationship.
Another fun and low-pressure home date are making crafts together. Commonly many introverts like to be creative, so bring your date into your space by doing something creative together. Make interesting paintings or try to figure out how to knit together. Some of these crafts will require problem-solving which will either let you two bond or expose any red flags that come from when your date gets frustrated with a problem. Either way, it will be a beneficial date.
Other at-home date ideas include:
- Baking something together
- At-home karaoke
- Have a spa night
- Create fun and weird drinks
- Learn a skill together
See? There are so many ideas and this list doesn’t even cover a small portion of them. Many going-out dates have an indoor alternative.
Being inside can make your introverted self-more comfortable and feel less pressure. It allows you to be familiar with your surroundings and you already know where everything is. Besides, allowing your date into your personal space can create a deeper bond.
4. Be Aware Of Your Social Limit
The most important thing that an introvert has to be aware of no matter who they are going to be around is what their social limit is. Your social limit is how much social interaction you can handle before you get drained or overstimulated.
If you know what your social limit is, never plan a date for longer than that. Let’s say that you know that your social limit is 4 hours at a time. Don’t plan all-day adventures with your date or anything that will take over 4 hours of your time.
If you end up going over your social limit, you will feel fatigued and not great by the time you get back home. This can lead to you resent going out with this person because you think you won’t be feeling good by the end of the date.
If you don’t know your social limit, start by having shorter dates and build your way up. By slowly increasing, you will at some point notice when your social battery is getting low and when your social limit ends up being.
Shorter dates can be walking around at a park for an hour. It can be going out for a short meal or getting a couple of drinks. Going to the movie takes a 2-3 hours spot, so that should be done after you’ve done a few 1-2 hours dates. Eventually, you’ll learn what number of hours you shouldn’t cross.
5. Allow Yourself To Be Vulnerable
This sounds scary, we know, but there is a reason behind this. Allow yourself to be vulnerable with your date by sharing stories and asking deeper questions. To start, this allows you to have control over your conversation. You know that there won’t be any awkward silence when you are telling a story.
Secondly, being vulnerable encourages your partner to be vulnerable as well. When they see you be vulnerable with them, they might want to open up and tell their own stories as well. This gives you a chance to relax and listen to your partner talk and to learn things about them.
Finally, being vulnerable gives you a deeper connection. Introverts feel more comfortable around people after they have established an authentic connection. This builds feelings of trust and reliability between you and your date. It allows you to be more comfortable around your date and for your date to be comfortable around you as well.
Also, being vulnerable by telling stories prevents your date from turning into an interview. People like to ask questions when getting to know one another, but too many questions start sounding like you are being interviewed or that you are interviewing your date.
6. Make Compromises
When you start going on dates or are dating someone in particular, you must be aware that sometimes you will have to make compromises. In fact, making compromises are a part of every relationship.
With your dates or any event that you go to with your date, you and your date might have to might compromises if there is something you don’t agree on. Maybe your date convinces you to go to an event with them that might be socially draining. You can compromise and agree to go but you will drive yourself so you can leave when your battery is getting too low.
Maybe you two agree to go to a draining event, but you both will only go for a few hours instead of the whole time.
These compromises make your partner listen to your needs while also letting you work through problems together.
This creates a stronger bond between you and your date. Compromising allows both parties to win and to get something they want out of the situation. It is always a better outcome than having an argument start.
Final Thoughts
As an introvert, dating can be scary and tiring. However, now you have tips that will help you find a special someone or have an easier time dating a person you want to spend time with. A big part of dating as an introvert is understanding what your needs are.
Don’t push yourself farther than you can handle. This will lead to you not being happy and having a good time. In these situations, you might take out your battery drainage on your date and they won’t be enjoying that either. Knowing your needs and when you need to step out is better for your health and your partner as well.
Take things easy and make yourself as comfortable as possible. Being comfortable can keep your social battery a little bit higher so you can spend more time on a date. If you are comfortable, you will have an overall easier time while dating.
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