Can’t Stop Thinking About Him? Here’s What You Can Do.
by John Santana
“I can’t stop thinking about him.”
Are you also always lost fantasizing about him?
If yes, then I want to tell you that we all have been there. And it sucks, especially if the guy you can’t stop imagining by your side isn’t interested in you.
He can be a serious crush who has now started dating another hot chick, a miserable ex who decided to move out, or a guy who just seems to not care for your feelings.
Whoever it is, thinking about him constantly doubles the pain.
You lose your ability to function properly and smile freely.
By keeping one foot in the past and another in the future, you forget to love the present.
I know you can’t seem to move on from this phase even if you have tried a thousand times over. To help you out, we have enlisted a few things you can do when you can’t stop thinking about him:
1. Don’t hesitate to get closure
When we can’t stop thinking about someone, it’s often because there are a lot of things we haven’t said and a lot of questions that we haven’t asked.
These unsaid things and unasked questions stop us from moving on and keep making rounds in our minds.
The best thing in such situations is to say the things that need to be said and get away with it.
If you haven’t got a closure yet, don’t hesitate a bit to talk to them and get done with it.
I know it will be nothing less than a nightmare, and dramatic ofcourse.
But that’s the thing you need to do if you want this thought to finally be released from your mind.
I know that thoughts like – “I wish if I could say this so things would have been different, I wish if I knew what he really thought” go on and on in your mind.
It’s not your fault. They need a way out.
Get closure. Then take your time to mourn for the lost love and lost relationship. Let it all out.
And then get back to your life afresh with all the past memories deleted.
2. Put an end to the obsession of NOT thinking about him
I know, this seems a bit contradictory, but it’s important if you want to get rid of him (mentally!).
When you are obsessing over “not to think about him”, you end up thinking about him more and more.
It’s like a loop that goes on and on.
Not only does thinking not to think about him trigger your brain with his memories, but it can also force you to take a few more wrong actions.
Think about it like this – What happens when a drug addict thinks about not having the urge to take drugs?
The picture of drugs emerges in front of his eyes, and he is triggered to have more of it at the very moment.
The same goes to you. So instead of thinking about not to think about him, shift your focus to something else.
Don’t keep repeating – “I don’t want to think about him. I don’t want to think about him.”
Instead, choose voluntarily to move your focus on something productive or something that makes you happy (other than obsessing over this guy).
3. Feeling bad about yourself will not take you anywhere
I know it’s common to blame ourselves when someone close to us takes a jab at our hearts.
It’s not easy to hate the person we love.
Even when we convince ourselves that we hate them, we really don’t.
And this compels us to think that he can never be at fault.
So, instead, you start blaming yourself as if it is your fault and imperfections for which the other person finds you not worthy of love and attention.
This is where things turn really ugly… where not only the other person but you yourself find yourself to be undeserving of love.
And let me tell you, dear, that’s the worst thing you can do to yourself.
So, my advice to you will be to keep your heart in place and your self-respect and self-love in your own hands.
Remember how loving and happy you were when this person stepped into your life? You thought of yourself as the most amazing person ever!
Even if people didn’t love you back, you loved yourself! And that’s the only thing that you will ever need!
So do not curse yourself just because another person couldn’t see that beautiful heart.
4. Stop scrolling his Social Media Accounts
The very first thing we do when we can’t stop thinking about him and still can’t call him or talk to him is to check his social media.
That’s the easiest way to know what’s happening in his life, right?
Almost all the information is right there… at least a glimpse of it. And we can’t help but take a sneak-peak.
But girl, I’m telling you from my experience, that it’s not worth it!
I know that you think he is perfect. Believe me, he’s not.
Even if you think he is, there are so many other perfect people out there in the world and you have nothing to do with all of them.
These perfect people just exist. But they do not add value to your life.
So, if you can’t stop thinking about this man, don’t overdo the trauma by checking his social media again and again.
I know you want to check his social media and find out what he is up to and if he has got someone else in his life to love.
Let’s cut this crap because it’s not worth it for you or for your mental health. The best decision will be to block him everywhere on social media and forget his number.
5. Start doing physical activity to release the trauma
It can be really hard sometimes and actually traumatic to keep thinking of someone who doesn’t care about your existence.
You just need to release the trauma and pent-up frustration to move out of this never-ending cycle which is eating the soul out of your body with each passing day.
The best way for releasing this trauma will be to get some hard physical activity.
Go for a really long run, or join a gym. You can even sign-up for boxing classes.
With every drop of sweat that leaves your body, think as if it’s the trauma, frustration, and emotional pain that’s making a way out through the pores.
Also, exercising releases feel-good hormones making you realize that you don’t need anybody else to make you happy, as you are good enough to do that part.
It will take away the worries, stress, and make you feel good and look good at the same time.
While the pain of thinking about the one who crushed your heart into pieces is painful and useless…
The pain after having a kick-ass physical activity will make you fit and glow like never before.
6. Make a list of his flaws
If you can’t stop thinking about him… alright. Think about him, but remove the rose-tinted glasses before doing that.
It’s impossible that a person doesn’t have any flaws. But by over-thinking, you have created a flawless and perfect image of him that doesn’t exist.
Start looking at his mistakes. You know that knowingly or unknowingly, he has hurt you.
If he is your ex, then you shouldn’t idealize but hate him, if you are not ready to be indifferent towards him right now.
No one is at total fault in a relationship, if you’ve made a few mistakes, he did it too. You are not the only one in this game of two.
If he is your crush who is dating your classmate, get over the perfect image of this guy.
If you haven’t had the chance to talk to him, then you possibly don’t know him and all his imperfections.
If you have, then you know that he is just another good-looking duffer whom you adore.
No matter if he is your crush, ex, or some other love interest, stop with “Oh God why can’t I have that amazing person in my life!” and begin with “Oh God why at all I wanted this person in my life who is so full of himself!”.
Write down all the ways he hurts you, all the times he disappointed you, and all the times when he was just rude, selfish, and cruel and didn’t care about how you felt because of his actions.
Make this list and keep it at a place where you can easily find it when the time spent with him triggers you and you start thinking about him, yet again.
Remind yourself of all his bad qualities that you kept ignoring for all these days. Know the real person that he is instead of making him the utmost destination.
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7. Make a list of things you like about yourself
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is terrible as you find all the love you have to give stored up in your heart.
You just want to love this guy and let him know that no one can love him the way you do.
What causes more pain is the love that you can no longer give to him.
But don’t you think that this stored love can be shared or borrowed? With yourself?
You know the person who is in the most need to be loved? YOU.
So now you can’t stop worrying about not getting the opportunity to love the guy you wanted to love as you have another person to love.
Start by making a list of all the good qualities that you love about yourself.
It is easy to forget ourselves in the process of loving or wanting someone. So, begin with redirecting the loving energy to your side.
Write down all the things you are good at or were good at before this person came into your life. But mind you, there should be no mention of this person’s existence in this list.
It should be only about you and the people who really love you back.
Read this list every day to remind yourself how amazing you are.
And whenever the guy makes you feel bad about yourself, pick up this list and be your own lover by telling yourself all your loving and good qualities.
8. Do not hold on to resentment
While reminding yourself of all the ill qualities of this guy, remember to not idealize a statute of imperfections
It’s also important to forgive this person and not hold on to any resentments against him.
And remember that it’s for you, and not for him.
Holding on to grudges is not helpful at all. It just increases your frustration and sadness.
I know he has hurt you.
But reminding yourself again and again of all the wrong things he did to you and imagining the ways you should have responded instead of the way you did, will lead you to nowhere.
You will find yourself stuck in this world of despair.
Seeking revenge will only add to your misery and make you think more and more about all the ways you can adopt to hurt this person.
No matter if you are able to hurt him or not, you will hurt yourself. And you should not do this at any cost!
So, the best option will be to forgive this person and the mistakes he committed.
Forgive his mistakes, but do not forget his mistakes.
Keep in mind that he is just a bad person whom you had forgiven for giving yourself clarity and peace while being very much aware of the fact that forgiving him is not going to change the kind of person he is.
9. Realise the potential of making yourself happy
We are so caught up with finding happiness outside, that we forget to look for it inside.
Depending upon others for your happiness is entirely wrong and this mistake should be mended as soon as possible.
I know that you did a lot for him. You gave it your all yet he didn’t respond with the same affection.
I know we should not expect anyone else to make us happy. But when we do so much for another person, we automatically start expecting the same love.
But this concept is far from reality.
This is a selfish world and people are nice to only those who serve their purposes.
In such a world, you also deserve to be happy. Do you know how to do it?
By making yourself happy.
Just stop accepting the idea that you need someone else to depend on for your happiness.
Your life was perfectly fine before he entered and you are capable of being as happy as you once were before his arrival.
Love yourself, invest in yourself, respect yourself.
Be good to you before you expect anyone else to be good to you. Keep your happiness in your own hands.
10. Go for a trip
Your mind is too caught up in thinking about the things you could have done with this person, the things you did with this person, and the future that you once dreamt of sharing with this person.
These thoughts have captivated you so badly that you cannot find anything else to adore in life.
To add to that, you are living in the same place, talking to the same people, doing the same things you did when he broke your heart.
It’s said what broke you can’t mend you.
And now, you need a bit of change to breathe again normally.
What about going to a new place with some new people to be able to do that? That’s a great idea!
Going to be a new place will direct your mind to new situations and circumstances.
It will also make you realize that the world is so big and that there are millions of people struggling to find food on their plate while you are still crying over the man who left you.
You will also realize that life is much more than a guy, and its beauty is not limited to the person in your thoughts.
11. Remove this person completely from your life
Obviously, he will try to be friends with you! But is he really your friend?
I don’t think so. How can someone who hurt you so badly can be your friend?
You know this, right? But do you still carry on to be friends with him just because you think you guys have a chance?
Do you still think that someday this person will realize your value and leave everything to be with you?
Or you want to give him access to have a look at your super amazing life and be jealous of why he is not there in it?
If you have already got your closure, use your time to mourn, and before weeping, block this person so you never have to see his face again.
It’s not just about blocking him from your contacts or social media, it’s also about blocking him from your life.
Stop going to the places you know he is going to be.
Stop talking to his best friend because you know you are not interested in him and the reason for communication is just your interest in that guy.
Do not try to cross paths with him or let him cross yours.
You have to change your paths altogether. You have to move on to make your life better by pushing yourself out of this mud.
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