How to Check If Your Husband Is on Ashley Madison?
by John Santana
Suspecting that your husband isn’t faithful is a highly stressful situation to be in.
Not only is it crushing for you, but it’s hard to broach the subject with him or even with those around you.
Ashley Madison is a dating site that promotes itself as a place for people to have affairs. It’s a popular choice for men looking for a hookup outside of their relationship.
Luckily, if you suspect your husband is on this platform, there are ways you can gain clarity in this situation. In this article, we’ll discuss:
- What Ashley Madison is
- Discreet ways to investigate if your husband is using the site
- A few tips on how to handle the discovery of infidelity.
Let’s dive right in.
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What is Ashley Madison?
If you haven’t heard of Ashley Madison before, it’s a dating website that specializes in secret affairs.
Based in Canada, its user base has spread all around the globe. The site markets itself as a platform for people looking for ‘discreet relationships; in other words, those looking to have an affair.
Ashley Madison claims to have more female than male users, making it a favorable platform for married men.
Users can sign up to make a profile for free and then browse through other users until they find someone they’re interested in.
Tools such as the anonymous profile feature or the ability to hide one’s photos are popular ways to hide your identity on the site.
However, Ashley Madison has had some privacy issues in the past. The site gained notoriety in 2015 during a large-scale data breach.
The breach exposed all of its users’ personal information, including addresses, bank details, and sexual interests.
Despite this, the site is still highly popular in 2024 and claims to have over 70 million users worldwide.
Another important part of Ashley Madison is the credit system. Instead of paying for a subscription, users have to purchase credits to be able to interact with others on the site (such as to send and open messages).
5 Ways to Investigate Discreetly
If you suspect your husband is on Ashley Madison, there are thankfully a few ways you can verify this.
The following tips provide discreet ways for you to find out while avoiding a confrontation:
Create an account to snoop
One easy way to find out if your husband is on Ashley Madison is to make your own account.
Signing up for Ashley Madison is free, and you won’t have to spend any money if you’re only browsing through profiles.
All you need to do is sign up. You may want to use a secondary email address that you don’t normally use for personal and business email.
Once you’ve made an account, you can use the search filters to your advantage. One feature of Ashley Madison is its basic and advanced search filters, which make it easy to look for other users.
While you won’t be able to find someone’s account directly, you can use information like location, height, weight, age, and interests to filter out profiles.
Borrow his phone
This method involves a bit more secrecy. You’ll need to be able to unlock and get into his phone while he’s not using it.
You can do this either by using it when he’s out of the room, or discreetly while using it for something else.
Once you have his phone, you can then check to see if he has the Ashley Madison app downloaded.
This is a pretty discreet process, as it just involves flicking through his app menu pages. If you get caught, you can just say you were looking for something else!
Check his browser history
You can also check his browser if he doesn’t have the app!
Although this method is a bit more time-consuming, it is a much clearer way to see if he’s on Ashley Madison.
While on his phone, open up his Internet browser and search for Ashley Madison.
You can then see if he has an account saved to his password manager, or if he might still be logged in.
You can also do this on a desktop if you share a computer. Of course, this method only works if he hasn’t already deleted the browser history.
Talk to mutual friends
Another method you can use is to simply do a bit of field research.
By field research, I mean chatting with mutual friends – especially those close to your husband!
If your husband has confided about infidelity to anyone, it’ll be to his close friends.
You don’t need to drop accusations straight away; instead, enquire about things like your husband’s online activity.
You could also ask about aspects such as his whereabouts if you suspect he wasn’t where he said he was. Remember to do this casually instead of bluntly; that way you won’t attract suspicion and it won’t get back to him.
Check your bank statements
Finally, you can always rely on a bank account to speak for someone’s actions.
Ashley Madison is a paid dating site, which means your husband will have had to purchase credits online to use it.
Look over his bank statements for any suspicious activity in the past few months, such as sporadic sums of money going to strange accounts. That way, you’ll have clues as to whether he’s been using Ashley Madison.
Handling the Discovery of Infidelity
So, you have proof that your husband is on Ashley Madison. Now what?
Finding out about your husband’s infidelity is a stressful situation to be in. What you are feeling is completely normal, whether that’s anger, sadness, guilt, or something else.
What happens next is entirely up to you now that you have clear knowledge.
Firstly, now is the time to decide if you want to approach him about it or not. It can be tempting to leap straight into a fight, but it might be better to address it more delicately.
There could be any number of reasons for your husband’s infidelity, and having an open discussion to gain clarity around these can be a good place to start.
Approach the discussion with an open mind. A good way to clear your head is to brainstorm your feelings and what may be influencing them.
You might do this either by making a list, a diagram, or even a drawing to express how you feel. Do what makes you feel comfortable enough to talk to him directly.
Now, it’s time to have the hard talk. This might be scary, but it’s the right thing to do. Let your husband understand that you know he’s cheating, and how this makes you feel.
Walk through your feelings calmly and try not to lash out. Once you’re done, give him room to speak. At this point, he might try to explain his feelings or shut down completely.
No matter what happens, remember that you have no obligation to be supportive of him and his actions.
However, do make sure that you hear his side, as this might make it bridge the gap of mistrust caused by the situation.
From here, it’s really up to you. Remember that you’re under no obligation to stay with him. He’s broken your trust and hurt you deeply, which are both valid reasons for putting an end to your relationship.
However, if you want to try to make your marriage work again, one good idea is going to couples counseling.
Rebuilding trust in your marriage is a hard thing to go about alone, so having a professional counselor there to help you work through your issues and give you some effective coping mechanisms can be a good start.
Final Thoughts
It’s not easy to learn that your husband might be cheating.
By using the discrete methods discussed in this article, you can verify your suspicions without confronting him directly (at least initially!).
Just remember to be cautious and not jump to conclusions. If you do find out he’s cheating, it’s important to take care of yourself and seek support from friends and family.
Finally, don’t forget that you deserve trust, honesty, and respect in your relationship. While infidelity can be emotionally devastating, it’s always important to know your worth and to seek help when you need it.
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