Dating a Stripper – Pros, Cons & Is It Bad?
by John Santana
Dating a stripper is a dream for some and a nightmare for others.
But, we cannot help who we fall for, be it an exotic dancer, cam model, stripper, or librarian! The heart wants what it wants!
Getting to date a stripper is hard enough. How do we keep this one-of-a-kind girlfriend (or boyfriend) and make sure we have a positive and fulfilling relationship?
Before we get into it, an important point needs to be raised. If your intention is to date a stripper simply to date a stripper, your relationship is doomed from the start. An exotic dancer is a fully-formed person, and it is pivotal that the person is separated from their work.
Common interest and support are at the base of any relationship, whether with the stripper or otherwise. Find someone you connect with, someone you can be friends and have fun with, and the deal is sealed from the onset. The rest is just sorting out the finer details.
So, with this in mind, don’t expect to find your stripper girlfriend at one of the strip clubs in your city. The women there are at work and are not particularly interested in your romantic advances. It’s their job to seem interested in you, don’t take it personally.
They have a real-life away from dancing and an entirely different world that they occupy that doesn’t include their body parts on display.
Chances are, you wouldn’t be able to tell that the vast majority of dancers are even dancers when they aren’t at the strip club. It’s more likely that you’ll find a woman, start a relationship, and only then find out what she does for a living. And that’s completely ok!
A girls gotta pay her bills somehow!
Below we’ve compiled a list of handy tips to help you reduce the emotional toll potential and give you the love life (and sex life) you’re dreaming of.
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Top Tips For Dating a Stripper
Again, finding out that your girlfriend is a dancer after you’ve started dating is quite normal. Many sex workers/ porn stars hide their professions from potential partners out of fear of judgment, and while they are not ashamed of the work they do, they prefer to keep it quiet until they know that they have a partner that can deal with the news.
When you find out your partner is a stripper, the last thing you should do is freak out. This is an incredible opportunity to date someone exciting and exciting, have a piece of mega arm candy at your side, and break some of the status quo. Plus, let’s be fair. The sex will be ridiculous.
But you’re going to have to talk it all out first. And trust us, it’s going to be worth it.
1. Set Boundaries Early
Once you find out about your girls dancing job, it’s time to sit down with your girl and talk about what that means for your relationship.
Better to set a boundary that never comes to reality than to realize a boundary has been crossed only after the fact. That is the exact reason why these boundary-setting conversations are so meaningful.
All healthy relationships have good firm boundaries to fall back on. But, these boundaries fall flat if they are not respected and practiced by both girls and guys.
There are different types of boundaries, and you and your girl should go through each one together to see how they affect their job and your dating life.
Physical Boundaries
Physical boundaries refer to the physical boundaries of your personal relationship. But, dating strippers means extending outward to boundaries at work.
It would be best to discuss what you both feel comfortable with while she’s at work, with customers and other dancers. Perhaps the physical boundary is set for you at your girlfriend not giving a lap dance to your male friends. But, for her, there is a physical boundary about you not coming into the strip clubs on the night that she is working.
With Cam girls, you might feel uncomfortable with her touching herself in front of other men, and she might feel uncomfortable with you being in the house while she’s recording. There are ways around this, but you need to speak about them first.
Sexual Boundaries
Yep, you bet yah, sexual boundaries for sex workers are a thing!
Get it out of your system that dating a stripper is all kink and latex. We’re not saying that there won’t be some fun to be had in the bedroom, but you need to have an honest discussion about what type of fun works.
Most strippers are utterly worn out after a night-long shift at the strip club. In these moments, they are looking for mere companionship from the person they are dating. Perhaps a sexual boundary might be that there should be no expectation of sex immediately after a shift.
It’s important to remember that all women are different and that sexual needs vary wildly! Talk about them, talk about all of them.
Discuss your one-night stands, your deepest fantasies, and your wildest kinks. And let her do the same. It doesn’t mean that all your kinks and fantasies will be realized, but it definitely gives your relationship the space it needs to experiment with sex and find what works for you.
Financial Boundaries
Exotic dancers make buckets of cash, right? And, as the loving boyfriend, a portion of all of those lap dances belong to you, right?
Nope! Sorry to hand it to you, but that money is all hers. And that’s great! Financial independence is sexy.
When you’re discussing financial boundaries, speak about where the money you both earn will be going. Perhaps she’ll be saving for college in a few months and needs all the money from the club to go there.
Living expenses will be an essential topic to discuss here, and fair distribution of costs is vital. Deciding who will pay for what allows both of you the freedom and the space to plan your finances in advance and keep difficult conversations to a minimum.
Time Boundaries
Time boundaries in a new relationship can be tough to set but are essential, especially when dating a stripper. Most women who dance for a living work at night and on weekends, often in exact opposition to “regular” work hours.
This added complexity in your dating life makes setting these time boundaries all the more pivotal. Decide how you will navigate time outside of the club, seeing mutual friends and spending time just for the two of you. Heck, you might even need to set a time boundary surrounding sex.
These boundaries also include boundaries about canceling plans and spending time alone. The keywords here are support and confidence. Support her need to spend time alone or with a friend without you around. A dancer spends so much energy with other men, don’t become another time and energy drain in her life.
Intellectual Boundaries
When you date a stripper, there are bound to be topics surrounding the ethics of her job that you disagree on, instead of letting these differences drive you two to monstrous arguments, set boundaries around what you can and cannot discuss surrounding work, clubs, customers, and even sugar daddies.
This extends to political, ideological, or worldview differences too.
Be careful here, though, because too many intellectual boundaries can hinder communication.
Emotional Boundaries
Being a stripper is tiring, as is any other job. Many women and men fall into the trap of expecting their partner to be emotionally available for them at any time, whenever they need it.
And this simply cannot work. While you are dating, ask your girls or guys if they can listen to your stories. And, if they do not, you cannot get upset with them about it.
Do not expect your partner to be your everything-in-one, and be prepared to back off and deal with your problems if they need space to breathe.
Expectation Boundaries
Expectation boundaries are potentially the most crucial boundary to consider when you’re dating strippers. Their jobs are very different from the norm, and it’s up to you to adjust your expectations accordingly.
2. Practice Good Communication
Don’t be afraid to have hard conversations.
The more honest conversations you have, the easier they will be to have.
Good communication is more than just being able to sit down and talk about what upset you at the club last night. It’s also about communicating in a way that your woman understands and responds to.
If you speak to your partner in a way she can relate to, chances are she’ll give you the response you were hoping for.
How do we do that? Well, it all comes down to love languages. Get to know yours, get to know hers, and know-how to speak to your woman in the love language she needs.
Words of Affirmation
With words of affirmation, it’s all in the speech. Encourage your partner genuinely and frequently. Tell your woman you think she looks gorgeous. Tell encouraging stories when they are down.
If verbal communication is something you struggle with, you can experiment with leaving notes in a handbag or around the house, expressing how you feel.
Quality Time
In a world full of men vying for her time, be the man that makes her the queen of your time together. Quality time includes things like taking a couple of weeks off to go on vacation. It can also mean organizing a date to your girl’s favorite restaurant or a picnic on a beach somewhere. But, quality time can also be as simple as sitting at home making dinner and watching a favorite movie.
Money is not essential here, but intention surely is. Strippers want what the rest of us want, one night away from their job with the person they’re dating, doing something that makes them feel special.
Acts of Service
After just a single night of lap dances, you had better believe that even the most seasoned strippers come home exhausted, with aching feet to match.
When you communicate with acts of service, you are doing things like running a hot bath just before you know she’ll be home and then pouring her a glass of wine and rubbing her feet while she complains about the creepy dude you kept making eye contact with her all night.
It also manifests in things like making her dinner to take to the clubs with her or booking that doctor’s appointment she just never seems to get to.
Gifts
Ah yes, gifting. Some think it’s the most simple of the love e languages, but it is often the most overlooked.
Strippers make money, and there’s little denying that. Those diamond earrings, she could probably buy those herself. And besides, she’ll have plenty of guys falling over themselves at the chance to buy her a fancy pair of stripper heels.
But, a true gift, a gift that clearly displays how you feel for her, has nothing to do with money or flash. A great gift is a gift that is personal and meaningful. It’s a gift that shows that you have listened to and understood your partner’s needs and that you appreciate them.
She will be far more impressed by the inexpensive gift representing stories she’s told you than a bouquet of roses.
Physical Touch
Physical touch is both sexual and non-sexual, and it’s essential to know the difference.
Understand what types of physical touch your partner is looking for, and always respect the physical boundaries set up between the two of you.
Dancers need cuddles too.
3. Check Your Jealousy at the Door
Dating a stripper is undoubtedly not for the jealous type.
It’s her job to dance, and the type of dancing she does is bound to attract some attention from guys at the club. And furthermore, it’s not a woman’s job to behave differently to keep you from being jealous. That’s your job.
If you do find yourself becoming jealous, it’s probably time to take a step back and try to understand what about the situation is making you feel this way. Once you’ve figured it out, spend time with your girl discussing this jealousy openly and without judgment.
Maybe this means a boundary will need to be redefined, and that’s totally ok.
But, jealousy when dating strippers does not come solely from the dancing. You might find yourself jealous of the money she earns. Making more money than a female partner is an outdated ideal, and you need to be able to let go of the fact that maybe she can pay for more things than you.
She danced hard for that money. Let her enjoy it!
4. Manage your Expectations
Expecting your stripper girl to strut around in 6-inch heels and latex constantly is a one-way ticket up the crazy street. Usually, strippers have personas they play when they’re working for the clubs and are pretty different away from work.
Understand that you have a fully-formed human being in front of you, with needs and desires of her own, and you’re going to have a great time!
5. Have fun with it!
Dating a dancer is a rare and unique opportunity to play with social boundaries and norms.
Have fun with your partner! Do silly, sexy things together.
If it’s not crossing a boundary, go visit her at work, maybe experiment with role-playing if that’s what you’re into. In a world full of squares, you landed yourself a sexy-ass hexagon. Play with all the corners!
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