Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?

by John Santana

You have been with a man for a while and have done almost everything that a couple does.

You have been on trips together. You have met his mom and all of his friends know you. You have slept multiple times together and have even romanced like a lovey-dovey couple.

Then why does he refuse to give a name to the relationship?

Why does he leave you hanging out there with mixed feelings of “not being his lover” but also “not being just his friend”?

It hurts to know a man whom you love so dearly is not serious about his future with you.

So, if he doesn’t want you in his life forever and doesn’t let you go either… then what is it that he wants?

What does it mean when he says he doesn’t want a relationship?

When a man treats you like a queen on some days and on the other, he says he doesn’t want a relationship, it means one of these things:

1. He is not ready for a relationship

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The guy has not yet decided to be serious about his relationships and is living the “single life is awesome” phase.

He is not ready to accept the responsibilities that come with a relationship and just doesn’t want to commit to anyone.

At the same time, he wants to explore and have fun. So, he is having fun with you, but he does it just as a part of exploring things and not in the hopes of a future.

2. He is ready for a relationship, just not with you

It is also possible that when a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, he wants a relationship but just not with you.

He is open to the commitment and is ready to accept the responsibilities of a serious relationship.

But he will not say it on your face just because he wants someone to be by his side until he gets the girl he is waiting for.

He doesn’t want to break your heart, so he will say he is not ready for a relationship while he keeps looking for the special one behind your back.

If you are still not sure, here’s a quick guide that will tell he is not into you.

3. The past experiences have made him emotionally unavailable

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Sometimes bad experiences from the past leave you so scarred that you don’t have the courage to commit to a relationship again.

He may be interested in you. But the bleeding from the past hasn’t healed yet and he is still incapable of planning the future

Commitment is too scary for him. He is scared of being miserable again and being through the same emotional breakdown.

Also, there is a constant fear of not being able to be the person you have thought of as your partner. He has a fear that you will leave him too.

There’s a wall of resentment around himself that prevents him from getting into a new relationship. The guy may really like you but will back off when things get too serious.

4. He doesn’t see his future partner in you

He finds you hot. He finds you alluring.

He just doesn’t find you to be the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

He has some expectations and a list of qualities in his mind that he wants to see in his life partner.

He is unable to see those qualities in you and to save himself from future confusion; he just says that he doesn’t want a relationship.

Without telling the main reason for his lack of interest in having a relationship with you, he will keep you around for as long as he wants.

Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?

Now that you know what it means when the guy you are passionate about says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you… now it’s time to know why he keeps you around if he can’t see the future together.

We have listed all the possible reasons he stays with you even if he doesn’t want a relationship –

1. For the great sex

Are you not officially in a relationship with him but are not afraid to show some action in bed?

First of all, there is nothing wrong with having sexual relationships with whoever you want. After all, we are sexual beings with desires and needs.

But unfortunately, the good sex satisfies you but does nothing in the process of making the man of your dreams love you.

We all know that in today’s time we can have sex with whomever we want without making promises of the future.

And especially, in this case, men don’t feel the same as women.

You may fall deeply in love after having sex with him and imagine if he feels the same for you. But it pains to say that your imagination has nothing to do with reality.

Men see sex just as a source of pleasure and it’s not because of his love for you that he asks you every week to come to see him in his bedroom.

He may not be deeply invested in you and doesn’t see you as a future partner at all.

But just for the sake of the great sex that he enjoys with you, he just doesn’t want to let you go.

Even if he will have no significant feelings for you, he will keep you hooked so that he gets what he wants.

2. The crumbling insecurity is feeding on him


Guys who are secure are more specific about their plans and what they need. A man who is not so sure about he wants you or not is insecure at the roots of his being

He has difficulty in making decisions… and he lacks a proper sense of self himself.

Do you know insecure guys keep girls around because they see them as a source of self-worth?

In this case, you may not be alone. He may be playing around with more girls like you.

Keeping girls around and making them want a relationship with him gives him a fake sense of self-worth.

It just feeds his ego. It makes him feel loved and wanted.

It creates a fake image that girls are crazy for him because he is worthy of their attention.

He will never accept you as his lover, yet he will make all ends meet to keep you hooked to him.

The fear of losing you to another man will make him mad but he will never give you the kind of love and care that you deserve.

The pain you are feeling is just because of him being too insecure to feel worthy of himself if there’s not a girl crying over him.

3. He wants an “always available​ company”

Does the man never get serious about you and still asks you to hang out with him every time?

The reason is simple – he wants someone who is always available for him.

The guy just doesn’t want to feel alone.

Are you always asked to join him for a movie or meet him at a coffee shop for a half-day?

I know the kind of emotions you feel when you are the one he always counts on when he wants to hangout and is alone.

You will surely be happy and consider yourself special for being “the one” for him.

But if you are the one for him, then why do you think he commits to you?

The only reason is that he loves someone to accompany him everywhere as he doesn’t enjoy the time spent alone.

As you give him company and be his friend in his loneliness, he keeps you around but never talks about keeping you in his life as his official partner.

4. The guy is dating other people

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I’m sure you know how a guy reacts when he wants to keep his options open…

He is playing too much around the field – dating and having sex with other girls.

But with you he has some sense of security; he knows you will stay with him even if he hurts you continuously.

The thought of having a girlfriend without having any responsibilities along with sleeping and having fun with other women is very captivating for the guy.

He will not leave you as in case he finds no one to fulfill his needs on some fine night, you will still welcome him with open arms.

5. The habits developed with you overpowers him

Sometimes when a guy is with you, it’s just because of the habits and not love.

You guys may have been together for a while but he never loved you and even if he did, it ended.

Now he is so fond of the habits he formed with you that he can’t let you go just for the sake of the habits.

The love is long dead or never existed but he can’t give you up because​of the routine you both share together or the stuff you do together.

It can be as simple as waking up at 6 and going for a morning run or watching the one favorite movie every day while having dinner after work.

He is used to the life he had with you and is having difficulty moving on from them.

Such a situation can leave you utterly confused and depressed as you don’t know where your life is going with the man who says he doesn’t want a relationship yet keeps you around out of habit.

6. He doesn’t want you to move on


For some men, women are nothing but a trophy that they have to earn and take pride in showing off the possession to others.

He may not love you, but will occasionally try to fool you with flowery language and trivial gifts so you still stay interested in him.

Even if he is not in love with you, he will be extremely territorial and will not want any other man to have what he considers as his territory.

You will be confused as he will treat you the worst. There will be no love or no care or respect in this relationship.

He will make fake promises of the future and will show no commitment at all.

He will not like any other guy giving you the love you deserve as he is enjoying your attention and devotion. At the same time, he is afraid some worthy gentleman can take you away from him.

If you start seeing other guys, he will play all types of tricks to have you back as this will hurt his ego really bad.

7. You haven’t given him solid cues about how you feel

Guys can be stupid and naive sometimes.

When a guy is not asking you for a relationship, the chances are he is unaware of what you feel for him.

Like girls, guys too fear rejection. He doesn’t want to get rejected and so is just going with the flow until he is sure about your feelings about him.

He will never begin the topic of being serious with each other as he may be confused with the fact that you still want to date other guys.

Hey, girl, it’s time to make him aware if this is the case because chances are, he also has the same feelings for you but is afraid to open up.

8. You are his rebound after a bad breakup

Was he going through a really bad breakup when you came into his life?

His heart has been crushed. He is rejected and is in pain. Now all he wants to do is find what he lost in another person.

And as you were mutually interested in him, he took you as a part of his rebound, and now you are stuck in an unsatisfied relationship.

He is not willing to commit to you as he is still not over his ex. He may still be in contact with her and has not gotten any closure from her side. So, he waits for her while you try to soothe his pain temporarily.

9. He doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you

When it’s about long-term relationships and commitment, there is a vital need for emotional capability and mutual understanding.

He should feel like you are the one to whom he can go to share his deepest secrets with, and cry on your shoulders without any shame.

If a guy fails to sense the emotional bond and connection with you, he will be reluctant to be in a relationship with you… because he is looking for more than amazing sex.

He will stick around you as he likes you for the person that you are, but there is no emotional connection that can fill the gap between the two of you.

10. You are his financial support

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One of the other reasons for being with a woman without the tag of a relationship is because she pays for him.

It sounds bad. But in some cases, this is the reality.

This is a modern world and women are independent. They can obviously choose to split the bills and pay for themselves.

But does she pay for her man, too? It’s all right if it’s once or twice. But it’s something to think about when it becomes his habit.

Overall, it’s not bad to support your man in his hard times. But helping him financially when he is not even ready to commit?

Does the guy who is way more than friends with you but doesn’t accept to be in a relationship also leave his wallet at home?

He will say he forgot his card in the car and will pay you afterwardbut that money is somehow never returned.

He says he is facing some financial issues and wants to stay at your place for some weeks as he doesn’t have any home.

It sounds romantic to help your partner in such times… but what if the man in question isn’t even ready to be your partner?

He keeps you engaged for his selfish motives and spends your money out of his habit or his joblessness.

He treats you as if he loves you but all his promises seem to go in the drain when he is not ready for a relationship. He will shower you with love at times and will ignore your existence in the others.

Such​ a man is only a sponge who is dependent on you for money and thus keeps things going even if he isn’t interested.

11. He doesn’t want to hurt you

There are chances that he doesn’t have any bad motives.

He is a genuine and nice guy but he doesn’t feel the same as you feel for him. He is just too scared to open the news to you as it will hurt you.

He knows the longer he will take to say it to you, the more it will hurt.

But he is too scared or is being a coward by not having the courage to speak the right words to you.

His weak heart cannot handle a strong confrontation so he remains silent and let things go as they are.

He thinks one day everything will be fine and he will again fall in love with you slowly but that day never comes.

As a result, the relationship feels like a forced job that you don’t want to do but have to do forcefully.

12. The thought of losing the friendship scares him

Were you close buddies first and then you fell in love with him?

Were you the first one to express your love or you were just friends who kissed unexpectedly at a party and the one-sided relationship started?

If this is the case, then it might be his fear of losing you as a friend that is troubling him.

He loves you as a friend but doesn’t feel the attraction to make you his partner.

But as you are full-fledged into making him your lover, he can’t even deny the advances you make as he thinks if he does, he will lose you. Well, we all know things don’t go to normal easily when two buddies fall in love.

So, he reciprocates some of the advances and still stays indifferent to your romantic fantasies.

If this is the case, just go and tell him that even if he isn’t romantically interested in you the friendship will remain the same.

Check Out: Some of the Best Friends with Benefits Dating Sites

13. The “back-up choice” is too sexy to give up


He has a lot of options in his pocket and you are just one of them.

This guy is just like that ex who keeps showing up after a breakup and then disappears for months before coming back again.

He doesn’t know how it feels like to be with a girl for love. He just flips girls here and there for play.

So, when he is feeling horny at 2′ o’clock at night, he will simply leave you a message with “How are you doing? Wanna meet?”

But remember, the same text will be sent to 4 other girls in his contact list.

14. Your actions hurt him

Even if men try to appear as robust and cool… they too have feelings even after all the silly and insensitive jokes they crack.

There can be things that you have been doing unknowingly that hurt his sentiments.

It can be anything. It can be being overly cheesy with his best friend or not liking his choice of career.

Even if you are needy, judgemental, or jealous of all his female friends – he will not like to be in a relationship with you.

15. His friends and family doesn’t like you

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When a man thinks of making someone his partner, he should be proud of her and his friends and family should like her.

For a man, his friends are very important to him. And if they don’t like you, he will drop the idea of being serious with you even if he wants to.

In some cases, the same goes for his family. If he is too close to his family, he will consider everyone’s decision before taking things to the next level.

Also, there is a desire in a man to show off his woman to his friends and family. He wants to hear – “How lucky you are to get a woman like her!” – It just feeds his ego.

If his friends don’t find you nice or worthy enough to be his partner, he is definitely going to lose interest in considering you.

But sometimes, he will truly like you but because of his friend’s disapproval, he will not want to be in a relationship with you.

However, his attraction and infatuation for you will not make him let you go away which will cause all the drama and confusion.

Now, what to do?

Now that you know the reason​s why he keeps you around but doesn’t want a relationship with you, here are the things you should do to find a solution to this:

1. Leave him

When a man is keeping you around but not giving even a thought to the topic of being in a relationship with you, he is just playing with you.

You deserve much more than this. The best solution for this is to realize your self-worth and leave this man.

You surely have a better future with your prince charming you have imagined all along who will also give you all the love, care, and respect that you deserve.

2. Make him chase you

We all know that it sounds good to the ears, but moving on from the man you loved so dearly is a walk straight through hell.

If you are going through the same times, I can relate to your feelings because I had a similar situation where I was stuck with a man whom I loved more than my life but he just never returned the love and passion for me.

But don’t worry, my story didn’t have a sad ending as I got my hands on His Secret Obsession and my world changed.

It taught me to tap on a man’s psychology and what drives him crazy for a woman. By following the guide, not only I became the focus of my man’s passion and love, he just became obsessed with me.

It didn’t take him a long time to finally take out the ring and ask if I’ll be his lady forever.

I know how hopelessly you want this to happen to you too. If you have given your relationship everything that you can, try this guide and give your love a last chance. And I’m sure you will not be disappointed.

Apart from that, here’s something for us to you: How to make him want you… (Thank us later! :P)

You may also like: How to Break Up a Couple Fast – Proven Tips That Work

John Santana

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