Last Updated on January 13, 2023
If you’ve been in the dating world for a long time or if you’re just beginning to dip your toes in the water – eventually you’ll learn that there are men to avoid when dating.
For everything you need to know about who to date and how to date, click here.
The reasons to avoid certain men varies and we’ll get into 10 different types of guys to avoid but first:
What Are Some Red Flags in a Guy?
In these modern times of Twitter and social media, we’re quick to cancel and dismiss people for the tiniest mistakes. But when it comes to looking for a life partner or just someone to love, you should be picky and discerning.
Each person should have their own checklist but we’ve put together are own ‘red flags’ list. When your guy has one or more of these qualities, it might be a sign of deeper issues or undesirable traits that make him ‘a guy to avoid dating’.
1. He’s racist/homophobic – seems simple and obvious, but if on the first date you hear a man say something racist or homophobic about the waiter, his friends or anyone – run.
2. He only talks about himself – First, second and third dates are all about getting to know someone but if he never asks about you or your life it’s a bad sign that he doesn’t often think about anything beyond his own needs and experience.
3. He ‘love bombs’ you – This is when a guy comes on way to strong, way too fast. He’ll say ‘I love you’ after only a short time and push for serious commitment to manipulate you into dependency and isolation from the rest of your friends and family. Be careful.
4. All of his exes are ‘crazy’ – If his past girlfriends and lovers are only ever crazy and he has none of the blame to share, it’s a sign that he’s incapable of self-reflecting in arguments and disagreements and you will always be the one to compromise or apologize.
5. He puts you down in ‘jokes’ – Dating someone requires vulnerability and safety and if he ever jokes about something like your weight, your intellect, your career or anything you’ve admitted is an insecurity – run. Men will do this to get the upper hand and gain power over their partners.
What Kind of Guys Are There?
It’s 2023, an era of celebrating identity in all shapes, colors and forms. That being said there are definitely some types of men to avoid because of how they disrespect and mistreat their partners.
If your partner fits into one of these categories, it doesn’t mean you should break up tomorrow and throw away a meaningful relationship. But consider his behavior and possible red flags and trust you gut instincts.
1. The Club Guy
We’re not saying that if your man enjoys dancing, drinking and having fun that he’s not a keeper.
But we all know at least one ‘club guy’. This guy has a regular presence in every city’s night life, he’s extremely attractive, flirty and and is sex incarnate on the dance floor. Even when he gets into a relationship he will want to go clubbing and if you have to go to the bathroom, you might not trust him to not talk to someone else or even dance with someone else.
You should avoid this guy because he will turn into that 50-something guy at the club who is still single and buying all the PYT’s (pretty young things) drinks. This guy is only concerned with appearances, latest trends and making sure there’s always alcohol in his hand. He will struggle with commitment and letting go of his “wild youth”.
2. The Cheater
Some couples can come back after an affair but after the second, third or fifth time it’s no longer a couple’s issue.
This guy will never change (and date someone else discreetly on Tinder). He craves the excitement and danger of getting away with a secret. As much as he will say ‘but I love you and it meant nothing” what should say is “I can never give you the commitment and treatment you deserve”.
Instead of crying and second-guessing what you did wrong, leave this fool and find a partner who’s eyes could never stray from you.
3. The Mama’s Boy
It’s true that a good relationship with his mom is a ‘green flag’ but a dependency and a deep attachment to his mother’s approval is a major red flag.
The reason this guy should be avoided is for what he will do in the long term. When most mama’s boys get engaged and married their partners have a nightmare relationship with their in-laws. There will be no boundaries when it comes to giving his mom what she wants and when she wants it because his world revolves around her orbit and not yours.
‘Entanglement’ and ’emotional incest’ are terms that should trigger nightmares of mother-in-laws trying on their son’s fiancé’s wedding dress, taking their newborn baby and behaving in horrible ways. Needless to say, this guy should be avoided.
4. The Guy’s Guy
Sports, cold beer, cards and boys nights are not sins or red flags. The issue is when a guy defines his masculinity in opposition with anything feminine.
If your hates anything ‘girlie’ or effeminate that’s a red flag and shows extreme toxic masculinity. You should be able to suggest a chill night at home where you both have facials and watch trashy reality TV without worrying that he’ll freak out.
He shouldn’t be repulsed by indulging his softer side when he openly cries, plays with his nieces, wears pink shirts or spends time with your girlfriends.
5. The Secretive One
This guy will keep secrets about the most random things. He won’t openly speak about his past, his family or anything that you’re not openly involved with. As a couple you should be able to have a shared social life but this guy will insist his love life is separate from his career, friends and family. This guy will always keep you at an arm’s length and you deserve more than that.
There are several reasons men keep secrets and none of them are good or indicative of a happy relationship.
The only valid excuse for not being completely honest is if he’s involved in international espionage and his surname is Bond… James Bond. But even then, your relationship has a time limit of 90 minutes and you’re likely to be killed off – not the happily ever after we’re looking for.
6. The Bad Boy
The bad boy is hot because he doesn’t follow the rules but makes his own choices regardless of other’s opinions. But the bad boy also breaks your heart when he makes choices without you, is reckless and dangerous and acts alone instead of in a partnership.
Some bad boys grow up and mature into independent and self-assured adults, but most burn out and become alcoholics and guys who can’t hold down a steady job. Some girls tend to think they can change or rescue him, but dating someone for their potential and not the real person is only going to lead to disappointment.
7. The Guy Who Isn’t Secure
This guy will remind you of your dating history or ‘body count’ as a put down. He will question whether you have a ‘type’ or ideal man and compare himself unnecessarily to that.
More often than not, toxic masculinity is at play here. This potential incel (involuntary celibate male) will have less sexual experience or have had less romantic relationships that forms his hostile view of accomplished woman.
This guy consistently brings up the past as a weapon or punishment during fights. He will slut shame, make sexist comments, be generally rude to others and show a lack of empathy towards women.
Men can be less experienced than their partners without it being awkward, unbalanced or toxic – but this guy won’t be able to. He will find his partner’s experience as an insult or threat to his own masculinity, making the relationship toxic and unhealthy.
8. The Guy Who Doesn’t Like Your Family
No family is perfect but if you’re consistently arguing with your boyfriend and his disinterest in your family then this may be a red flag.
Families fight and don’t always get along but the saying ‘blood is thicker than water’ is popular for a reason. If your boyfriend disrespects or seems disinterested in your family it can also be disrespectful to you and where you come from. Christmas and Thanksgiving can be stressful enough, you shouldn’t have to worry or stress over how your boyfriend might act around those you love.
Family is there for all the big moments in your life – graduations, job promotions, weddings, funerals, children and old age. You deserve a partner who will chat with your parents, take your siblings out for drinks and play with your nieces and nephews. Don’t settle for a guy who argues with your dad, disrespects your mom and dislikes your siblings.
9. The Bossy Guy
What attracts you to your boyfriend can sometimes be what drives you apart.
In this case, this guy is assertive, dominant and independent. But this can quickly turn into domineering, micro-managing and abusive tendencies.
This guy may slowly start to manipulate you and everything about you; the clothes you wear, the friends you see regularly, the place you live and the life you lead. This guy will also have opinions about the job you have and your ambitions; if your boyfriend ever belittles your dreams or claims they’re unrealistic then he’s not the one for you.
Bossy and controlling guys can change their partners so much in a relationship that by the end of it there’s almost no trace of the person they once were. It’s attractive when a guy knows what he wants and goes after it, but his wants should not interfere with your self-expression, identity or personality. You deserve someone who will compliment and uplift your life, not try to change it or control it.
10. The Broke Guy
Money doesn’t buy happiness but a guy who lives in your house, eats your food and works a dead-end job will only bring unhappiness and stress.
This guy avoids taking you out on an actual date and insists that being at home or in bed is always the better option. Which is not to say that money and an attempt to buy love is better, but thoughtful gestures, dates and effort are the foundations to a happy couple.
Ask yourself a simple question; if he wasn’t your boyfriend would you be okay with spending all this money and effort on him? If he wasn’t your boyfriend where would he be living? If he wasn’t your boyfriend how would he be paying for everything?
If any of those questions draw up uncomfortable conclusions, then it might be time to consider if he’s your boyfriend or your underachiever, lazy roommate who spends all your money. A healthy relationship is a balanced relationship – you should be equally invested and equally committed to your life.