Trans Christmas Survival Guide: How to Stay Joyful When Family Gets Complicated

Family can make any Christmas complicated, and a trans Christmas is no different. Trans folk have a unique set of struggles that they may have to navigate during the festive season. What are the best ways to overcome those difficulties?

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We want you, and all of our readers, to be able to safely and happily enjoy the holiday season. Christmas is all about coming together and feeling the love we share for one another; it’s not a time for arguments or shouting matches! So let’s break down how to keep the peace and enjoy a beautiful trans Christmas.

Keeping Joyful During a Trans Christmas

• Be You, Calmly: You should present however you like, even if family members say you’re “shoving it down their throats”. Don’t rise to their words. Instead, keep calm and polite, and they won’t have anything to complain about, highlighting the absurdity of their anger. This can be upsetting, but when people are forced to confront their own beliefs, they often see them for what they are.
• Separate People: This is a technique lifted straight from schoolteachers: if your relatives want to act like little kids by throwing names around, then treat them as such! You may have one or two relatives who are particularly aggressive or intense in their beliefs. When together, these bigots can create an echo chamber, encouraging one another more and more. Where you can, simply don’t allow that echo chamber to occur; split the people up, and they’re less likely to get hostile.
• “I” Statements: Using simple statements to describe how you feel is a great way to express your wants and needs simply. Often, expressing this can be taken as confrontational behavior, even if that’s not intended. Avoid that implication by simply stating how you feel and allowing your family member to react however they will. As Plume clinic shares, these statements are a handy way to communicate how someone’s actions are making you feel without directly calling them out.
• Boundaries Are Empowering: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with setting a boundary and standing by it. Your feelings are perfectly valid, so take the time to honor them by drawing a line in the sand. If a relative oversteps, remove them or yourself. You made your boundaries clear, and it’s not your fault if they can’t follow simple etiquette and kindness.

Living Authentically

Surviving the Christmas season can feel like something of a minefield for trans folk. There’s often pressure from all sides, pushing us to feel or act a certain way. However, a straightforward mantra shared by Noel Bell on Happiful may help you recontextualise this pressure: “The only decision a transgender person makes is whether to live authentically and honestly.”

Keeping that in mind can help you see those pressures for what they are: instructions or suggestions to mask your true self. You don’t deserve that treatment. Living authentically and intentionally is kindest to yourself and those around you, so make sure to do that this Christmas season. Here are some great ideas to have an authentic trans Christmas.

• Dive into a New Tradition: If this is your first trans Christmas, it could be a great idea to start a brand new tradition for you and your family. That way, you’ll have a great reminder of your journey every holiday season. It doesn’t have to be anything outrageous, and, in fact, making it something laidback can help ease everyone into the new tradition. Some great examples could be a Christmas Eve hot cocoa night, a DIY advent calendar, or a quiet gifting night with your close family members, a few days in advance of Christmas itself.
• Get Involved with Christmas Planning: Part of living authentically is to be upfront and honest about what you want. To have an authentic trans Christmas, don’t be afraid to get involved with the planning and make your opinions known. Keep things calm and respectful while making suggestions and pitching in with your fair share of the work.
• Reinvent a Childhood Christmas Tradition: A familiar feeling during any coming-out journey is a worry that things might change negatively. This feeling is common in both the trans person themselves and their close friends and family. To give yourself and those you’re celebrating with a sweet memory, try recreating a childhood tradition. Doing the same thing all over again with you living authentically will only make it brighter and better! Look over some old family photos, and see what you can do.
• Run a Holiday Photoshoot: Having a full photoshoot with a photographer may be a little much. However, taking some silly selfies or family photos in your home can be very sweet indeed! Afterward, you can print out some of those photos and gift them to your family as a reminder of the joy of an authentic trans Christmas.

Experiencing the joy of the festive season is something that we should all experience, regardless of gender. We hope that our brief tips can help you feel that joy during your trans Christmas celebrations.