10 Rules of Swinging You Must Know in 2024

by John Santana

A lifestyle where you can sleep with multiple partners with the consent of your “main partner” or significant other half…?

Isn’t it amazing? Aren’t you fascinated by the idea of Swinging?

Of course, you are! Swingers are rapidly increasing day by day.

If you are inclined towards the lifestyle even a bit, you should totally give it a shot.

But, but, but… not before having a proper knowledge of the do’s and don’ts.

It’s quite obvious that swinging can change your life for the better or worst.

After all, sleeping with someone else while your partner is heating things up with some other person under the same roof requires some set of rules.

So, before you jump into the bandwagon, know the rules so you can rock it there in the swingers world –

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10 Rules of Swinging You Must Know

1. Make sure you and your partner are singing the same song

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

First things first! Before caring about any other rules, the one rule you should be most concerned about is the one that you share with your partner.

Swinging is not about unhappy couples seeking solace in having crazy sex with unknown people.

Rather, it’s about two happy and very secure partners who mutually decide to widen their sexual boundaries.

There should be trust and mutual decision to let each other sleep with other couples.

As amazing as swinging is, it holds the capacity to either make or break your marriage.

Many couples are into swinging because it makes their married life healthy. They satisfy their sexual needs with different partners so they can sustain a happy and satisfied married life.

Make sure your partner is totally and willingly ready to accept the married life.

If it’s your decision to begin on the journey of swinging, make sure your partner enjoys it as much as you do.

Do not force your partner to do anything they don’t want to do.

The same rules apply to you. Don’t let your partner force you to do anything you aren’t sure about.

Swinging can only work well if there is a solid foundation of trust between both the partners.

2. Mutually decide the action plan for the night

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It would be hard to express in words how embarrassing it is when your partner’s plan was just to break the ice, and you decided to bang the bed with your swinger partner all night.

While your partner will be there waiting for you at the table, you should not be there at the back of the room unwrapping a pack of condoms.

To avoid this awkward situation, it’s always advised to plan the night/day beforehand.

Having a discussion can never go wrong. Talk about it.

What are your expectations for the scheduled meeting?

Are we just going to make conversations with them? Or are we going to get all dirty and sweaty?

Lay out the plans for today before you head for the big swinger date.

3. Learn to respect others and be honest

You and your partner decided they wanted to live their sexual fantasies and fulfil their kinks.

You got dressed up and entered into a swinger’s party. But hey, the people you are going to have sex with are not sex toys that you buy to satisfy yourself.

They are humans who have emotions, feelings, expectations, and boundaries. You need to respect all of these.

You have to respect their boundaries and not force them to anything.

They are also the spouse of someone else. You have to keep that in mind and give them the respect they deserve.

Apart from having a sense of respect for the swinging community, you should also be honest in your ways and approach.

If you are sending you pictures for a swinger party, do not send a fake one with edited height, weight, and other features.

Be honest and show yourself as you are.

Also, maintain your personal hygiene. Shaving and cleaning yourself up will help you and other swingers to have a great time.

4. You should not talk about your spouse with your swinger partner

You are allowed to kiss, smooch, and perform all the other sexual activities with your swinger partner (not without their consent).

But the number one thing you should avoid doing with your swinger partner is –

Talking about your or their spouse.

Do not mess up the sexy intercourse by shouting your partner’s name when someone else is filling you up.

I know you will loosen up with your swinger partner after having a little sex. But don’t loosen up so much that you end up asking –

“Was I any better than your wife?”

Regardless of how happy or disgusted you are with your partner; your swinger partner is not liable to know about it.

That person has arrived there just for fun. They are not there to dry your tears up, and not at all to gawk at your expensive anniversary ring.

Bringing the names of your partners in the conversations can make things awkward and turn your swinger partner off.

So, no matter how good they were in satisfying you, do not blurt “I wish you were my husband!” unless you have a desire of scaring him off and to never see his face again.

5. Learn to say and hear ‘No’

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In the lifestyle, no means no. The word no doesn’t hold any hidden messages or hints.

When someone says no to you, you should take it as it comes, respect their decision and move on.

The same goes for you. If someone approaches you and you are not sure if you fancy them, a simple no will do the work.

Just say – “No, thank you”, and your work is done.

You don’t have to give any explanations or reasons to reject them. Nor should you ask for any explanations or reasons if someone rejects you.

Rejections and Rejecting – both of these are hard for some people. Some can’t take rejection and some can’t reject.

If someone rejects you, don’t take it on your ego. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You should not worry at all as the swingers community is very friendly and welcoming. Some other couples will surely accept or approach you.

If you have to reject someone, don’t fear the feeling of coming as rude or arrogant to others. Just say – “Thanks for your interest but I don’t think we are a match” and move on.

6. Keep your Alcohol Consumption limited

What can be worse than getting so drunk that you can’t even move an inch from the chair?

You spent the whole day fantasising about how awesome it would be to have sex with your wife and her swinger friend…

But when the moment came, you were able to do nothing.

All that you got was a blurry view of your wife and her friend breaking the bed with some stranger guy.

If you don’t want to miss the real fun a swinger party offers, you should strive to stay in your senses.

I’m not telling you to be completely sober. You can have one or two drinks to get you started and put you in the right mood.

Anything more than that will make you look back at the night and bang your head in disappointment.

7. Keep your swinging dictionary updated

If you are new into the lifestyle, there are a lot of things you are going to learn slowly and steadily, including some specific terms.

These terms are the words that only swingers use. Being a newbie, it’s okay to be unaware of their meanings. But feel free to ask if you want to avoid any complications.

Having a good grasp over the lifestyle words is very important.

Let me introduce you to some of the important ones.

Hard Swap and Soft Swap

Hard Swap means wild sex including intercourse.

Soft Swap means just kissing, playing with each other’s body and oral sex excluding intercourse.


This is not a fairy tale. Though the world of swinging is much more magical and fulfils all your fantasies.

Here, Unicorn means a single woman who is there to have sex in a swingers party.


I believe you are aware of the meaning of this word till now.

If you’re still confused, lifestyle is a term given by the swingers to their lifestyle – couples swapping their partners with other couples for sex.

8. Put the decision wand in the lady’s hands

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In the swinging world, the decision to select and reject is mostly in the lady’s hands.

There is no doubt that both the partners should mutually decide if the other couple is suitable for them or not.

But the main and final decision should be of the ladies. She must be the one to initiate conversations and give instructions.

A husband/boyfriend is lucky enough if his wife agrees to let him sleep with other women. Now, he should let the woman enjoy a little superiority over him.

That doesn’t mean the lady should force her partner to swing with a couple if he isn’t interested in the potential swinger.

Swinging calls for equality and mutual decisions. Both the partners should enjoy their time.

9. Wait for verbal consent before you move ahead

Even if it’s a swinger party and the lady is walking naked, you have to ask for her consent before you do anything to her.

Do not make excuses like “She didn’t repel when I started smooching her”.

Maybe the lady was too drunk to repel you. Maybe the naked man was not ready to let someone grab his ass.

Before you touch anyone in any way, ask them if they are fine with it.

Even if you see a dozen women licking a man’s body, ask for his permission before you join them.

Wait for a verbal consent or an apparent head nod before you proceed.

10. The No-Repeat Rule

Photo by from Pexels

Some of the swingers refrain from having sex with the same couple again and again.

After they had sex with one of the couples one time, they will stop pairing with them for the next few months.

This helps in getting rid away of a routine, keeping the sex life fresh and exciting.

It also cancels the chances of any possible emotional connection or bond that can happen after enjoying continuous and prolonged sexual activities.

The No-Repeat Rule is not a priority and it can be changed.

Couples can adopt this rule and reject it from time to time keeping their choices and needs in mind.

But if you want to avoid any unwanted circumstances, following this rule can be helpful.

Not only that, it will keep your swinging life fresh and adventurous.


Like any other relationship, swinging with your partner will also require extensive communication.

Swinging is not everyone’s cup of tea. No matter how much your partner trusts you, talking about the experience after swinging and asking them relevant questions to know if everything is going well will help you lead towards the way to a healthy relationship.

If you follow all the rules and keep running the currents of communication between you and your partner, you are going to love swinging!

There are a lot of people who love the lifestyle and by taking the right choices; you are going to enjoy mind-blowing sex for the rest of your life.

John Santana

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