How to Pickup Girls at the Bar – Essential Tips for Success
by John Santana
When you want people to like you, the first impression plays a key role. The way you present yourself from the start matters a lot more than you think.
We make judgments about people in less than 0.1 seconds! Before we can even blink, attractiveness is one of the fastest things that we detect when looking at others.
When searching for a potential mate, other faces and bodies signal information to our brains about compatibility.
You can take advantage of this with your appearance by simply putting effort into how you present yourself.
Photo Courtesy :Pexels
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How to Pickup a Girl at a Bar
Before you form a lustful bubble in your head, you must know that it takes a lot more effort to pick up a girl than you’ve seen in the movies.
This step-by-step process will guide you to have your dream moments with the sexy girls at the bar who will give you the time of your life.
Stage 1: Start with Yourself
Before you expect a woman to show interest in you, you need to be capable enough to draw her attention. Your presentability and hygiene are the two crucial factors to keep in mind if you want the room to buzz with excitement.
Step 1: Dress to impress
“The first impression is the last impression.” When you want people to like you, impression plays a key role. The way you present yourself matters quite a lot. If you don’t want to disappoint picking up girls with your looks, make sure you up your game with quirky shirts or classy suits.
- Groom yourself
Start with the basics. The first step to looking presentable is grooming yourself in the right manner. Brushing your teeth, taking a shower, shaving the beard, and trimming excess hair are the essential basics you must keep in mind. Any of them left undone will leave a disappointing impression, which you (obviously) never want to create.
Smelling good is a massive turn-on for most women. Make sure you put on your favorite deodorant or use a stunning fragrance to leave no stones unturned.
- Accentuate the appearance
A nice pair of jeans teamed with a sexy shirt will help accentuate your appearance. Don’t go too far with the outfit as dressing up over the top will appear gaudy. Wearing a shirt that isn’t neatly tucked into your bottoms or a messy hair look will make them turn their backs at you. So, avoid them however possible.
Also, try to avoid black shirts as they seem unflattering. Blues, greys, and other solid colors must be your go-to for a comfortable evening at the bar.
Step 2: Get the gang to up your game
Sitting alone at the bar doesn’t always offer a pleasing impression to the ladies who you want to attract. Instead, it compels them to think that you might be wanting to interact with them merely because you are lonely or you have no friends.
Get your gang for a fun experience. If you need a ‘wingman’, this is your chance to up your game. As you sit across the bar counter with your boys, don’t forget to seek their suggestions on how you can perform impressively.
Make sure that you strike a correct balance between flirting with ‘the’ woman while enjoying with your guy gang. It will help you double the fun for yourself.
Step 3: Say ‘NO’ to excessive drinking
Drunk men are the biggest turn off in a bar. More so, picking up a girl with a sloshed face can get you into severe trouble if you do it incorrectly. It’s a risky thing, you see!
Moderate drinking is a safe option to go for. A couple of drinks that limit you to your boundaries is a thumbs up. In case you begin to feel slightly giddy, remember to watch what you say and remain coherent in your speech.
Sticking to one drink per hour will not harm. Make sure you do not stumble or fidget while you attract the women.
Stage 2: Ace the Art of Conversations
While heading to the bar and grooming yourself doesn’t seem like a tough job, the journey that begins with conversations and ends at picking her up safely is surely an uphill battle. The instructions mentioned below will guide you to play it safe and get laid with them instantly. Don’t mess this up!
Step 4: Target women who are alone
Trying a woman who is already busy with a friend or two might not lead the conversation to its successful peak. Instead, a single woman sitting on the bar counter would be an ideal option to go for. A woman who is already alone is more likely to give you easy attention to breaking out of the boredom.
- Start on a friendly note
Interacting with a woman on a friendly note will enable her to converse with you more comfortably. Once she gets comfortable with you, it gets easier to make a shift and start flirting with baby steps. A soft ‘hello’ will help spark a decent conversation between you two. Considering a quiet place or the edge of a dance floor would be the best place to spark a meaningful conversation.
- Avoid heavy conversations
You don’t want to go too far with the conversation and start perturbing the comfort level of the woman next to you. So, it’s always wise to keep conversations on a light note. Start simple by introducing yourself and leveling up in their eyes. Once you awaken their interest in you, it won’t be far when she digs into the conversation with interest.
In case, you are having a drink with her, don’t finish off the whole drink at once. It seems rather rude and unpleasant to do that.
Talking about your marriage, exes or long-term relationships is a big NO. You aren’t here to discuss the negatives but to spark the conversation. So, don’t dim the light of impression by striking such conversations.
Step 5: Make a clear move
Once you realize that the conversation is going on at a smooth pace, make a shift, and start flirting. Make sure you don’t overdo the conversation with flirting as it can risk your whole effort at once. Here’s how to do it correctly.
- Drop subtle compliments
Women love being complimented. It makes them feel confident about themselves alongside arousing interest in you a little more.
It is again important to keep in mind that the compliment is not overdone. “You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen” and “I can’t imagine someone as beautiful as you” sounds extremely generic and ingenuine.
If you want her to feel the difference in you, do it intellectually. Sentences like “Your smile is very pretty” or “you look ravishing tonight” is a safe go-to for you.
- Ask her for a dance
If you get your feelings reciprocated, don’t shy away from asking her out to dance with you. The dance floor is where you can ignite a whole new spark and get a little intimate with each other. Make sure you aren’t too desperate to dance with her. If she says she is not comfortable, don’t force at all.
- Enhance the chemistry
At this point, you will begin to feel brimming chemistry between you two. As soon as the chemistry is on, start amplifying it.
Take her hand in yours, get a little closer to her body. Don’t jump right into the intimacy or kiss her without the consent. It could be a do or die for you, so be careful. Make eye-contacts and see if she blushes. Make your fingers brush down on her face. This is your moment, turn her on!
Stage 3: Asking Her Out
At the final stage, feelings will be clear. If she likes you, she will not mind the intimacy you spark. At this point, it’s always easier to ask her out. If you want to keep a long-term connection with her, ask her for her number. In case you want this to be a one-night stand, don’t worry too much.
Step 6: Give her the desired pleasure
If you both feel a connection with one another, she won’t mind spending the night with you. In case you want to increase the level of intimacy, this is where you can do it. Remember to be natural and genuine. Don’t be snobby about your behavior, personality, or anything. The simpler you are, the better it gets for her to connect with you.
If you want to get laid with her, here’s what you can do!
Ask her by saying “I am getting out of here. You have any plans?” or “Let’s spend time at a quieter place somewhere, shall we?” If she says Yes, (which in most cases SHE WILL), then you aren’t too far from getting laid.
Laying the Groundwork: Preparing for a Night Out
Before you expect a woman to show interest in you, you need to be capable enough to draw her attention.
This begins with focusing on — you guessed it! — yourself. Your presentability and hygiene are the two crucial factors to keep in mind if you want the room to buzz with excitement.
What you do before leaving the house is just as important as what you do once you arrive at the bar.
Self-preparation, both mentally and physically, is crucial to avoid any unexpected rejection.
Confidence is key when it comes to preparing yourself. Your level of confidence plays a significant role in how others perceive you.
Evolutionarily, it signifies ‘a winner’, instills feelings of trustworthiness – and of course, wards off the competition.
The trick with confidence is that it only matters to the extent that you believe it! If you have a long way to go with your self-esteem, following the saying “fake it till you make it” can do wonders in the short term.
We’ll cover the art of conversation, connection, and flirting later on. Before we get to this though, preparing yourself on a physical level is crucial!
Your first step is presentability: what you wear, how you groom, and your personal hygiene.
Dressing for Success
Clothing plays a crucial role in first impressions, as it will speak before you can.
It contributes significantly to the judgments made about you, especially by women.
Clean, tidy clothes communicate that you value and take care of yourself — and therefore will act as either an attractor or a repellant to the ladies.
Clothing is also a way to express yourself before a conversation. It can speak volumes about you as a person.
Whether you dress up with a well-fitted suit, accessorize with a tasteful chain and watch, or happen to have your favorite band on your shirt, there are endless ways to wear your personality on your sleeve.
Many women agree there is a lack of original and unique fashion choices for men.
If you don’t want to disappoint picking up girls with your looks, make sure you up your game and come dressed for success! A man who can dress well will automatically stand out from the crowd.
Grooming and Personal Hygiene
Your grooming habits are the other crucial part of presentability. How well you dress means nothing if you don’t match the effort in personal hygiene.
Start with the basics: The first step to looking presentable is grooming yourself in the right manner. Brushing your teeth, taking a shower, shaving the beard, and trimming excess hair are the essential basics you must keep in mind.
Mouthwash is a great addition to ensure a longer-lasting clean and minty breath — especially when drinking or if smoking.
Any of these left undone will leave a disappointing impression, which you (obviously) never want to create.
You want to send a message of effort, self-care, and cleanliness — qualities that women automatically pick up on. The devil is in the details!
Smelling good is a massive turn-on for most women. Our olfactory (smelling) senses play a huge part in attraction, and are highly linked to emotions — so make it invoke a good one!
There are many options for attractive-smelling colognes to suit your preference, whatever your budget. Make sure you put on your deodorant as well to leave no stones unturned.
The Importance of Moderation
Drunk men are the biggest turn-off in a bar. Appearing overly drunk will only act as a repellant to the women around you! Overindulging in alcohol will rapidly diminish your charm and any positive first impression you started with.
Alcohol impairs self-control, judgment, and communication skills. Because of the nature of alcohol, you might not even realize it.
This can lead to unappealing behavior, both physically and verbally. As an aside, make sure you do not stumble or fidget while you try to attract women!
Moderate drinking is a safe option to go for. A couple of drinks that limit you to your boundaries and loosen you up slightly is a thumbs up.
In case you begin to feel slightly giddy, remember to slow down, watch what you say, and remain coherent in your speech.
Sticking to one drink per hour will not harm you. If are having a drink with her, don’t finish off the whole drink at once! This will showcase respect for both yourself and the environment, and won’t interfere with your social abilities.
Building Confidence: The Role of Your Social Circle
Sitting alone at the bar doesn’t always offer a pleasing impression to the ladies whom you want to attract.
Instead, it may make them think that you might want to interact with them merely because you are lonely or you have no friends.
‘The friend or cheerleader effect’ shows that people appear slightly more attractive when with a group of friends than alone. It demonstrates that you are likely the kind of person that others enjoy being around!
Get your gang together for a fun experience. If you need a ‘wingman’, this is your chance to up your game.
As you sit across the bar counter with your boys, don’t forget to seek their suggestions and insights. Pay particular attention to your friends that have the most experience.
Make sure that you strike a correct balance between flirting with ‘the’ woman while enjoying the night with your crew.
Having a supportive group of friends with you can reduce any social anxiety you might have.
It can also help to boost your confidence — whether from their mere presence or from their shared excitement and encouragement. It will help you double the fun for yourself!
Mastering the Art of Conversation
While heading to the bar and grooming yourself doesn’t seem like a tough job, the journey that begins with conversations and ends with picking her up safely is surely an uphill battle.
From approaching it naturally to steering clear of heavy topics, the instructions below will guide you to play it safe yet successful. Don’t mess a good conversation up – you got this!
Approaching Conversations Naturally
Instead of diving straight into flirtatious banter, start friendly. Once a woman gets comfortable with you, it’s much easier to shift your tone and start flirting with baby steps.
Immediately interacting with her on a friendly note will enable her to converse with you more readily before you try anything else.
A quiet place or the edge of a dance floor would usually be the best place to begin a conversation so that neither of you end up awkwardly struggling to hear each other. A simple ‘hello’ and ‘how are you’ can help spark a conversation!
Begin with questions that allow her to share more about herself. The key is to convey a genuine interest in her, without sounding rehearsed, forced, or desperate to move on.
By appearing casual and comfortable while being receptive to her tone and body language, you will naturally make her feel at ease too.
Later on, we’ll discuss meaningful topics to make the conversation not only begin naturally but evolve organically as well.
Conversation Topics to Avoid
Keep the atmosphere light and positive. You want to keep the fire going steadily – not burn the conversation with it!
You don’t want to go too far and start diminishing the comfort level of the woman you like. As such, it’s always wise to keep conversations on a light note.
Conversation topics to avoid:
- Exes or long-term relationships are easily the biggest NO. You aren’t here to process the negatives of past failures or people; you want to spark conversation between the two of you only — in the here and now.
- Politics and religion. Refrain from making the conversation political in any sense, as this can quickly turn into a heated discussion. Try to keep politics and religion out of it to avoid any disagreements.
- Any emotional or controversial topics. Don’t dim the light of your impression by striking up conversations that could end up leading to uncomfortable, negative, or confronting reactions.
Making a Connection: Beyond Small Talk
How do you transition from surface-level introductions to meaningful conversations?
It’s simple: ask and listen!
Ask open-ended questions that allow her to share more detailed things about herself. Express a genuine interest when asking these, by listening actively to her responses.
By asking and listening, you can reciprocate by sharing your own personal anecdotes and details that match the conversation.
To establish a genuine connection, find some common ground; this could be shared interests, hobbies, opinions, or backgrounds. Once you do, you can expand on them so that the conversation develops authentically.
You can do this by gradually introducing topics that seem relevant to her. Expressing more personal details, aspirations, or stories with these is a good way to dig deeper!
Be sure to redirect these to her as well so that the sharing is mutual. Don’t be afraid to add some humor or playfulness from time to time to avoid getting too serious.
The Art of Flirting: Respectful and Effective Techniques
As the conversation progresses, you can be more flirtatious. However, make sure to take a gradual, subtle approach. Fit the compliment to suit the conversation.
Women love being complimented. It makes them feel confident about themselves alongside arousing interest in you a little more.
It is again important to keep in mind that the compliment is not overdone. If you want her to feel the difference in you, do it intellectually and originally.
Avoid all lines that are overused/cliche, overtly sexual, or vulgar! The key is to gauge if she is matching your tone when doing so.
Drop specific compliments
Find the specific details about her that stand out to you. This shows that you have authentically and effortfully noticed something specific or original about her, rather than something obvious or generic.
“You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen” and “I can’t imagine someone as beautiful as you” sounds extremely generic, rehearsed, and ingenuine.
You should pay close attention to how she presents herself and compliment a detail of her clothes, hair-do, or make-up — without staring or appearing overtly sexual.
Complimenting her smile or laugh is also a safe go-to, as it can be verbalized at the right moment during conversation.
Drop non-physical compliments
Focusing on aspects such as her personality (e.g. humor) can help to maintain a genuine connection that goes deeper than solely looks.
Pairing this with a physical compliment at different points in time makes for more diverse and original flirting. This also avoids awkwardly or irrelevantly changing the current conversation to appearance.
Ask her for a dance
If you get your feelings reciprocated, don’t shy away from asking her out to dance with you!
The dance floor is where you can ignite a whole new spark and get a little more intimate with each other.
Make sure you aren’t too desperate to dance with her. If she doesn’t seem sure or comfortable, don’t force it at all; instead, simply redirect the conversation.
Gauging Interest and Asking Her Out
Asking Her Out
At the final stage, feelings will be clear. If she likes you, she will not mind the intimacy you spark.
At this point, it becomes much easier to ask her out! If you want to keep a long-term connection with her, ask her for her number. If you’re just looking for a one-night stand, this isn’t as important.
After initiating the conversation, first gauge that her response is definitely reciprocated. This is important in order to avoid somebody polite or friendly but not long-term or romantically interested in you – awkward!
Pay close attention to her body language and verbal cues. The most definitive signs are:
- Maintaining eye contact
- Smiling and laughing with you
- Leaning in
- Physical contact (such as touching arms/shoulders)
- Actively engaging in the conversation.
If she displays these signs, she is likely interested and you can make the next move by simply asking her out.
Steer the conversation to an idea for a potential meet-up, such as getting coffee or scoping out a new place that you would both be interested in. If this is reciprocated, you can then ask for her number.
Remember to remain respectful and look out for any negative signs. Discomfort or lack of interest is not always obvious. Keep an eye out for hesitation, polite excuses, distractability, or shying away.
Don’t be afraid to simply ask if you’re unsure! If she seems uncomfortable, communicate a lack of offense.
Show openness about respecting her boundaries and change your tone from romantic to friendly. Always be polite, and respond to any decline or rejection graciously.
Ending the Night on a Positive Note
No matter how the night ends, a successful interaction is a respectful one! It’s okay to be a little disappointed if it didn’t go as hoped, but try to think of it as practice for next time.
If several interactions were unsuccessful, don’t be afraid to respectfully bring this up with the women.
It may have nothing to do with you, but it can be super useful to unlock the other side’s perspective – especially in case you’re unintentionally messing up.
Most women are happy to share tips or advice on what went wrong for them, as long as you approach it with honest curiosity, friendliness, and respect — make it something to laugh about!
Remember that there will always be other nights, and best of all: you can still enjoy the rest of it with your guy gang. Better yet, switch it up and take the role of wingman!
Final Words
Successfully approaching women at the bar relies on effort, confidence, respect, and effective communication.
Begin with the importance of first impressions by dressing well, grooming, smelling good, and maintaining hygiene. You can’t make a lasting impression without a first impression!
When initiating conversation, focus on creating a comfortable and natural atmosphere and avoid those awkwardly heavy topics. You’re aiming for a genuine, authentic connection – so don’t force it.
Picking up on her verbal and physical cues as you go along is key to gauging reciprocation. Remember that all women are different and will appreciate you simply asking.
Allow for different outcomes of the night, and keep a positive attitude no matter how it ends. You’ve always got other nights, and you’ve always got your friends!
FAQ’s
What are some good icebreakers to use at a bar?
Offering a favorite drink, making an observation, or using light-hearted humor are easy ice-breakers.
A compliment is a safe way to communicate interest, especially if you end it with a related question to extend the conversation. With open-ended questions, try to find shared interests or common ground to break the ice further.
What should I avoid doing when trying to pick up girls at the bar?
You should avoid any actions that could be perceived as offensive, disrespectful, or vulgar.
During conversation, don’t use offensive language, don’t talk only about yourself, and don’t bring up heavy topics!
Stay engaged by avoiding distractions, such as by leaving your phone in your pocket. On a physical level, don’t initiate physical contact without consent or reciprocated cues, don’t invade personal space, and don’t drink excessively!
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