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The Ultimate Men’s Dating Guide

Why Confidence Wins, How to Improve Instantly, and What to Say to Attract Women

Men’s dating can be challenging, especially in bars and clubs across the world, where tons of guys struggle with bad advice. It’s common for men to feel uncomfortable or awkward while on a date — unsure of what to do and say to seem charming but not creepy.

The most important piece of advice to strike that balance is simple: be confident. By boosting your confidence, you can take charge of the conversation and of the date overall. Here, we’re going to talk about how actively working to increase your confidence can increase your dating success.

Table of Contents

Why Confidence Wins

Confidence consistently wins throughout all facets of life, whether it’s job interviews or friendship. There are a number of reasons for this, depending on the situation you’re in, but when approaching dating, women do tend to prefer confident men. Thankfully, the reason for this is simple: confidence implies trustworthiness.

Think of it this way: if you took your car to a mechanic and he flip-flopped on whether it was your clutch or your starter that needed replacing, you probably wouldn’t trust his judgment. You want to know that the person you trust with your valuable, important possession is someone who knows what they’re doing.

In a sense, this is similar to women’s mindset on a date. They want to know that the person they’re speaking with is someone they can trust. The stakes are much higher than being overcharged by a mechanic, but the concept is the same. By going on a date, a woman is trusting that you’ll ensure she’s safe and happy. Projecting confidence as a men’s dating technique, therefore, helps her to feel at ease and enjoy herself.

Welcome to your Test

Confidence and Trust

Confidence also helps a woman to trust in a potential future might be like with you. At the end of the day, every single person in the world wants to be loved and looked after. If you’re confident, then that implies you’ve got your life together and you’re prepared to love and look after your partner when they need you.

A lot of low-quality men’s dating advice circles around common myths that boil down to confidence. For instance, you’ve surely heard someone say that women like to go for super handsome, rich guys with fancy jobs. By saying that, the person delivering the advice has missed the point.

That hypothetical rich guy is likely very confident, even if they’ve totally lucked into being rich and gorgeous: things have gone well for them so far, so why wouldn’t that continue? That confidence is what people pick up on, and it’s why successful people often have a crowd of followers around them. By emulating that confidence, you can shift your approach to dating.

Self-Assurance

Dating Confidence Self-Assessment

How confident are you in your dating approach? Take this quiz to find out and get personalized advice.

1. When you see someone attractive at a bar, you typically:
2. On a first date, how comfortable are you with silence?
3. When you receive rejection in dating, you typically:
4. How do you feel about expressing what you want in a relationship?
5. When complimenting someone you're dating, you:

Your Dating Confidence Score

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Personalized Advice:

Another thing that dating tips for men often forget is the power of self-assurance. It is very tempting to measure your self-worth by what others think of you. If you think that way and go on a bad date, your self-esteem will suffer.

If you work on yourself and achieve self-assurance, a bad date has a different outcome for you. A self-assured person knows they have worth, skills, and good qualities. Therefore, a bad date doesn’t reflect bad character but rather a useful men’s dating learning experience. The person you date didn’t see your good qualities, so it wouldn’t have been a good second or third date, let alone a relationship.

The Mindset Shift for Men’s Dating Success

Men’s dating can often feel like an uncomfortable job interview at best or an all-out attack at worst. It’s important to remember that being rejected or a date otherwise going poorly isn’t a reflection of you. Instead, it’s a rejection of the bad future you could have had with that person.

Do-things-to-improve-your-relationship

Fixed vs. Growth Mindset

Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at Hinge, summed up the mindset of dating apps very well in an interview with Behavioral Scientist. She pointed out that “dating apps perpetuate superficiality.” Many of us buy into this superficiality, leading to a fixed mindset where we feel the need to swipe left or right rapidly, even when physically on the date that the app led to.

Men’s dating success can be improved by moving away from the superficial mindset and toward things that are proven to matter in a relationship. Ury lists “kindness, loyalty, emotional stability, […] and, perhaps most importantly, what side of you they bring out.” as core things to bear in mind. These are all features of a partner that will allow you to live your best life, both on the date and in a relationship afterward.

Living your best life this way is key to maintaining a growth mindset overall. Doing everything you can to live a healthier, happier life leads to (unsurprisingly) a healthier, happier you. When you’re happy, healthy, and confident, you can assertively ask about these important qualities, knowing that you’re at your best and you’re looking for a complementary partner.

Mens Dating Growth v Fixed Mindset

Self-Validation

Self-validation is key to approaching men’s dating with a growth mindset. By allowing yourself to understand your worth and good qualities, every date will have a good outcome. Either you go on an amazing date and find someone who complements you, or you learn a little about someone new, and you both grow as people.

 

How to Improve Confidence & Attraction

Improving your confidence will almost certainly lead to more attraction coming your way, but it’s much easier said than done. To paraphrase Dr. Robert Glover, many of us are particularly insecure about dating compared to other parts of our lives. So, let’s start small: it’s okay to be insecure about dating. It can be scary, and deliberately being honest and communicative about yourself and your feelings is a surefire way to forge a shared understanding. At the end of the day, your date is likely nervous, too — acknowledging the craziness of what you’re doing can make the whole thing less overfacing.

What to Say & How to Keep a Conversation Going

With the culture of isolation and instant gratification that we’ve all picked up through using dating apps and tech more generally, the art of conversation has become trickier. In fact, many of us might even feel that the best course of action would be to look up a list of unusual conversation starters to make sure the conversation never runs dry.

How To Tell If Someone Is a Swinger

Flirting & Building Sexual Attraction

Flirting can be a scary word. Social interactions generally can be complex and multi-layered, so it’s natural to be concerned that you might be misinterpreting something. However, it’s important to remember that sensible men’s dating approach to these messy social interactions is to be kind and confident.

Flirting Without Being Creepy

Being creepy is something that every guy worries about when they’re on a date. At the end of the day, of course you think this person is attractive: that’s typically why you’re on a date in the first place.

The challenge is knowing which compliments come across well or poorly. Try to construct your compliments around this simple rule: something they have control over and deliberately choose.

This is a great rule for men’s dating advice because it’s simple enough to remember and complex enough to work. Some good physical examples of the rule could be to complement her clothes, makeup, or hair. It’s also important to compliment her personality choices clearly and deliberately. If she’s talking at length about a hobby, compliment how knowledgeable she is and how articulate she’s being. People don’t often receive compliments on their behavior in that way, and it can be very nice to hear.

On the other side of the coin, avoid commenting at all on things they have no control over. Some great examples include their body, voice, or unusual physical characteristics. At best, you’ll likely be saying a compliment that they’ve heard many times before. At worst, it can be an insecurity you’ve accidentally picked up on. This is a common pitfall in the world of men’s dating — always consider how your words may make her feel.

 

Playfulness and Teasing

Playfulness and teasing are great ways to spark a spark between you and someone else. Teasing and joking can feel a little like a really fun competition, especially if the teasing is to suggest that you might beat them at a certain game or you’re a little better than them at something. This shared competition can sometimes gauge men’s dating intentions. It can draw the two of you together and make you both want to come up with another witty comment.

The trick here is to ensure that the subject you’re teasing about is something that’s not very important. The silliness makes the teasing fun rather than cruel. For instance, it can be great fun to tease your date and say that you could beat them at ping pong, but it would be rude to imply you could be better than they are at their job or their passions.

Light Physical Touches and Body Language Cues

One of the most addictive parts of men’s dating experience is feeling the electricity between you as you touch her hand or hold a door open and guide her through. If you’re both having fun with that, it can be a really fun thing to do. However, it’s important to slowly build a light physical touch and look out for body language cues to let you know whether you should keep going.

Starting off a date with a lot of physical contact is rare, perhaps aside from a hug. A great men’s dating approach to go from having no physical contact whatsoever and building things up slowly is to take it step by step. Start by nurturing a great conversation where you feel you’re connecting. Then, lightly touch her arm or hand to punctuate a point, and take your hand away again. At that point, checking in and reading her body language is wise. If she’s still maintaining open body language and is totally facing you, then perhaps do that a couple more times and see how she responds.

You can maintain these light physical touches as the evening proceeds and the date goes well. Take her lead on things, and stop if she seems uncomfortable. After touching her arm, you might move on to putting your hand on her back or her waist. At every step, be sure she’s comfortable and confident. When considering men’s dating techniques, it’s important to remember to be assertive but not aggressive; there’s no greater example of this than in these touches.

As these small touches continue, you’ll likely start standing closer together, and the physical contact between the two of you may continue to increase. This slow build-up and generating the desire for more is the way to form that electric sexual attraction between the two of you.

Online Dating Success (Profile, Messages & Strategy)

Online Dating Success (Profile, Messages & Strategy)

Around 30% of adults in the US have used a dating site or app, so if you’ve used one, too, you’re definitely not alone. Online dating can seem unusual at best and bizarre at worst. However, by keeping your profile simple and being upfront, men’s dating can see more success online.

Optimizing Your Profile

Men’s dating profile is the first thing that people see when they’re looking at men on a dating site — the core facts, some quick photos, and the kind of date you might like to go on. So, what’s the best way to make sure that people who see your profile actually reach out?

Well, men’s dating success starts off by keeping things light-hearted and straightforward. At the end of the day, dating is supposed to be fun, so lean into that! If a woman looks at your profile and can parse that you’re a positive, confident guy, you’re likely to get some more messages. Take this approach to everything from your bio to the list of your favorite movies — make a silly self-deprecating comment, and mention a guilty pleasure movie. By being real and authentic, men’s dating profiles become much more engaging.

Finding Great Photos

Almost everyone in the world thinks that they don’t photograph well, but that’s just not true. You certainly do photograph well; you just might need to change the lighting and the wardrobe.

On most sites, you’re encouraged to pick out several pictures and show different facets of your personality. There’s nothing wrong with that, but we’d suggest viewing photos with the “real and authentic” men’s dating mantra from above. For example, you could track down a photo of you genuinely smiling and laughing to show that you’re fun-loving. On top of that, track down a photo of you doing your favorite hobbies to show that you’re interesting and skilled.

While we all have our insecurities, we also all have that one thing about ourselves that we quite like — men’s dating approach should highlight that. This might be your eyes, your hair, or any number of other things. If you’re unconfident, find a photo of you that accentuates that feature. For example, if you like your vibrantly colored eyes, try to find a picture where you’re lit from the front, and the color is bright. Find something about yourself that you like, and then lean into it.

How To Start a Chat

Starting a chat online can seem impossible, especially when you’re faced with the little blinking cursor. However, men’s dating online is not as tough as it might seem. It’s a good idea to opt for a simple, fun, and open-ended question. Ideally, a question that has an answer you might use to learn something about your date.

As odd as it sounds, a good idea could be, “Hey, I’m heading to the grocery store. Anything you want me to pick up for you?” This simple men’s dating line breaks the ice by using familiarity as though you already know one another. On top of that, it subtly implies you’ll see them soon to give them whatever item you purchase for them.

The true benefit of this odd message is its oddity. Women typically receive lots of messages about their appearance or suggest a date that they might like. By opting out of these conventions, you’re unapologetically standing apart from the crowd. Men’s dating success is often found through confidence and light-heartedness.

Moving from Messages to Real Life

The switch from your phone to in-person can seem daunting — suddenly, there’s a real person in front of you! This switch to real-life men’s dating techniques doesn’t need to be daunting, and your actual words don’t necessarily need to change much. Remember to always opt for the core tenets of kindness and confidence, and don’t take things too seriously.

Use the messages to your advantage by remembering a couple of key things from her life, and use that to start a conversation. If you’ve been talking in the day, and you’re now going for after-work drinks, for instance, you could ask if a particular meeting they’d mentioned had gone okay. By showing interest in and knowledge of her life, this men’s dating technique helps you show that you’re attentive and interested.

What to Do on a First Date for Maximum Attraction

What to Do on a First Date for Maximum Attraction

First dates are, for most of us, equal parts exciting and nerve-wracking. It can be hard to maintain confidence and conversation when you’re nervous, but by keeping calm and confident, you can make every first date feel great.

Dos and Don’ts

Men’s dating guides often contain complex and contradictory lists of things that you should or shouldn’t do on the first date. Here, we’re going to keep things simple and give you a few pieces of dating tips for men that can be really helpful.

Do:

  • Make her laugh: Making a few jokes can dissolve any tension and let you focus on getting to know one another.
  • Keep things fun: Dating is supposed to be fun. If the thing you’re doing becomes a chore, then it’s not a great first date.
  • Engage with her interests: Show that you’re listening and understanding her by asking questions about her interests or planning a date around them.

Don’t:

  • Get too handsy: Men’s dating approach should always take her lead with physical touching and build up to it slowly. Start with light touches on the hands and arms, and see how she responds.
  • Talk too much: It’s a bad idea to interrupt your date or shift the focus of the conversation to you. Remember the 80/20 rule: allow them to speak 80% of the time and you 20% of the time. This will switch depending on the topic of conversation.
  • Interrogate: While active listening and questioning are important, don’t bombard your date with a million questions. Offer comments and encouragement rather than targeted questions.

Finding the Right Spot

Finding the right location for your date can be tough. It’s common to go to dinner, of course, but that’s how you’ve both been on dates before. Men’s dating decisions have long been a bit boring, so select something new to do together. In fact, scientific research has shown that couples who do new things together strengthen their bond. 

By taking the time to find something that you’re both interested in doing and want to try, you’ve shown dedication to wanting this to be a fun time. On top of that, you’ll have a shared experience that can bond you going forward.

How Interested Is She?

Always monitor your date’s engagement and interest. This might sound odd, but if a date isn’t having a good time, men’s dating satisfaction will go down. A good way to monitor this is to consider how often they are quiet, look away from your interaction, or go on their phone.

These are all signs that they’re not very engaged or present and, therefore, not interested. The best men’s dating response to that is up to you, but we always suggest being open and honest. A simple “Hey, are you not enjoying the food?” is typically enough for you to gauge what’s happening. From there, you can walk away or switch things up and reenergize the date.

Ending a Date

Men’s dating experiences at the end of a date can always feel awkward. Should you kiss her or not? How do you bring up going on another date? Or, even worse, never wanting to see her again?

The core theme of this article has been men’s dating confidence, and it’s coming back here, too. Whatever you’re thinking and feeling, say it with kindness and confidence. If you’d like another date, keep it straightforward and tell her you’ve had a great time — you’d love to see her again soon. If she feels the same, follow that up by calling or messaging her: use your newfound confidence to act deliberately and make that second date happen.

That same confidence and kindness comes back when it comes to that end-of-night kiss. Ask yourself whether you want to kiss her, and if you do, tell her that. You don’t have to make it super poetic, but you can’t go wrong telling her that she looks beautiful and that you’d like to kiss her. Of course, consent is key, so see how she responds before you actually try to kiss her.

Men’s dating techniques often revolve around trying to be an imaginary suave charmer who’s all too good at sweeping women off their feet. In truth, most men aren’t that person. By being direct and open about what you want, you’re being confident and authentically yourself — that’s something people always respond well to.  

How to Turn Casual Dating into a Relationship (If You Want To)

How to Turn Casual Dating into a Relationship (If You Want To)

If you’re looking to move from casual men’s dating into a committed relationship, you might not know where to start. However, as with most things here, it’s not as complex as you might think. Start off by looking for signs that the person you’re dating is looking for something more serious. The best example is if she’s talking idly about your future together. Even if it’s something as simple as her mentioning that she’d love to go mini-golfing with you one day, that’s a sign that she’s considering those future dates. Men’s dating lives can revolve around these signs, so pay attention to them.

Connection and Trust

Being an authentic and honest version of yourself is the best way to make sure that there’s trust between you and your partner. At the end of the day, trust is just another way of saying “likely to do something.” Therefore, if you’re regularly connecting with your partner and showing her that you’ll consistently do what you say, she’ll understand that you are likely to continue. Put simply, that’s trust!

Regularly communicating your wants and desires regarding your dates and your relationship will bring you closer to one another. If you’re both sure of what you want and how you want to achieve it, then your connection is straightforward and easy to maintain. From that point onward, you can see how things develop. If men are upfront with men’s dating goals, the trust between you will continue.

Once you trust one another, it’s time to bring up exclusivity, provided that’s something you want. If you can be entirely honest and confident with her and communicate the exclusive nature of your men’s dating wants, she will respond to that with honesty of her own. There is a chance that she might not be ready for that step, but if that’s the case, you can communicate how long you’re willing to wait. Connection and trust always come down to communication — talking about what you want and how you can provide your partner with what they want.

The thing to avoid, of course, is falling into the “nice guy” trap. This is the name given to guys who lean toward people-pleasing tendencies, even if it’s not something that they want. In the case above, where she’s not ready for exclusivity as you are, the “nice guy” trap would be to tell her that the situation’s totally fine: you can wait as long as she needs. Men’s dating is often a “nice guy minefield”: it can be easy to just go along with someone else’s wants.

Of course, if you are happy to wait as long as she needs, you can feel free to do so. The “nice guy” trap is when your desires and actions don’t align. Avoid it by being clear with what you want and authentically presenting yourself to her. Intentional men’s dating is the way to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

Increasing your confidence is easier said than done, but make no mistake: doing that will improve your dating life to no end. You can start your journey toward becoming confident in hundreds of tiny ways, from deliberate kindness to making someone feel seen. An authentic, confident, and kind man will always see success in the dating world. However, the most important advice for men’s dating is simple: be confident.

References:

Cortes, K., Britton, E., Holmes, J. G., & Scholer, A. A. (2020). Our adventures make me feel secure: Novel activities boost relationship satisfaction through felt security. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 89, 103992. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2020.103992

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