LGBTQ Microaggressions You’re Probably Guilty of and How to Do Better

LGBTQ microaggressions are a seemingly small part of hatred against the marginalised group. While hatred may manifest in chants and marches, it can also manifest in smaller ways. These LGBTQ microaggressions have their own way of being harmful compared to more aggressive tactics: they chip away at one’s self-esteem, leading to resentment of oneself and the world around you. In the run-up to IDAHOBIT day, let’s talk about how we can stand against homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia by noticing microaggressions and stopping them in their tracks.

Why Do Microaggressions Get Normalised?

Microaggressions, as with all forms of aggression, are based on a set of beliefs. In the case of bigoted beliefs about sexuality and gender, it’s the case that these beliefs are often entirely untrue. The aggressor may have made them up, or have been told them by someone acting in bad faith. An example of a false belief could be that trans women pose a danger to cis women, and therefore shouldn’t be allowed into single-sex spaces.

A wealth of research has been carried out and has proven that this is not the case. In fact, trans women are often at more risk than cis women, even in women-only spaces. So, why do people hold onto this false belief, and why is it normalized?

Well, the truth is that research on inequalities has shown LGBTQ people are less likely to be valued in the workplace and are more likely to experience barriers to career progression. This underestimation is very common, which has led to confirmation bias. To put it simply, if a trans person is repeatedly not promoted because of their gender, it’s easier for a potential transphobe to maintain their beliefs. They can look at management positions and assume that, because no trans people fill those roles, trans people must not be as skilled as cis people.

Situations like this mean that microaggressions are often normalized because they conform to the status quo. In the aforementioned workplace where trans people haven’t been promoted, it’s easier for minor aggression against trans people to occur. If all things were equal, most people still wouldn’t get into an argument with their boss. This is the case even moreso as a member of a marginalised community.

How LGBTQ Microaggressions Are Harmful

That example of a microaggression against a member of the LGBTQ community is a good example of the harm LGBTQ people experience that straight people don’t notice. A lot of literature and cinema focusing on marginalized groups focuses on loud, intense hatred. The reality is that microaggressions are far more common and can be far more prohibitive.

As Sebastian Lopez Calvo, a therapist in New York City, pointed out in this article, “it hurts whether they meant to do it or not.” This hurt can be felt in a number of ways, from the gender pay gap impacting trans women to small, conversational slights that can frustrate and upset. This second type may seem unimportant, but LGBTQ microaggressions compound upon themselves and can create a culture of viewing someone differently because of their gender or sexual orientation.

To make this a little clearer, let’s quickly discuss an example microaggression. Let’s say there’s a lesbian couple that has had a child. They may be subject to microaggressions based on the belief that a child must have one male parent and one female parent. A microaggression on this topic could be a coworker or friend implying that the couple won’t be able to raise a son properly because the child may not have a male influence. This is, of course, false, provided the child is loved and supported, there’s every chance they will be very happy indeed.

The issue with these LGBTQ microaggressions isn’t the words, it’s the implication that the couple is somehow “other”. The sentiment that those women wouldn’t be able to raise a child implies that they lack skills and abilities simply because of their sexuality. When microaggressions in this vein are repeated time and time again, this implication becomes something accepted, leading to a lack of respect.

Do You Do These Microaggressions in Your Life?

As we mentioned previously, LGBTQ microaggressions are based on internal beliefs about certain people. We all have beliefs in our lives, and so it’s possible for any of us to carry out microaggressions unthinkingly. Here are some beliefs around LGBTQ people, and how they might manifest as a microaggression. Take a look and consider whether you do any of them.

Foundational Belief	LGBTQ Microaggressions	Truth
One’s pronouns are typically based on how you look, so you can guess them by looking at someone.	Not asking someone’s preferred pronouns, or assuming a certain set of pronouns and not altering when corrected.	Someone’s pronouns can be anything they choose, and it’s kind to ask someone’s preferred pronouns and avoid offending them.
Heteronormativity and cisnormativity: the belief that the norm is for someone to be heterosexual and cisgender.	Asking a lesbian whether she’s “found a man yet”.	Everyone in the world is unique, including with regard to their sexuality and gender identity.
Bisexuality isn’t real: someone either likes men or women.	When someone enters into a relationship, that relationship defines their sexuality.	Bi and pan people exist and are valid. When someone’s in a relationship, their sexuality is still a core part of their sense of self.
All people in a certain group share the same interests and passions.	Assuming that all gay men love musicals and behave in a camp way.	People have unique and varied interests, and are often happy to step away from the norm.
If someone has come out to me, they must be happy to come out to everyone.	Sharing someone’s sexuality with a third party without asking first.	Everyone’s coming out journey is different, and it’s up to them how and if they tell people how they identify.

You might think that LGBTQ microaggressions are a tiny thing to get hung up on. The truth is that they build up into a super impactful issue. Next time you see LGBTQ microaggressions, speak up and break the cycle.