Is She Using Me? – Here’s How You Can Know

by John Santana

After spending a lot of time with a beautiful girl, you realized she is nice and now, you like her.

The good news is, she seems to reciprocate some of your advances too.

You feel like you are the hero of her life as you are the first one, she calls whenever she is stuck in a jamb.

Everything is working out. Expect the silly thought that keeps bugging your mind.

“Is she using me?”

Men love to help women. But they fail to realize that for some women they are nothing more than a “use and throw” option.

If you have a gut feeling that she is using you, chances are your instinct is a hurtful reality.

If you want to clear away your doubts and bring your racing mind at peace, check for yourself if your dream woman shows these 6 red flags of being a user

6 Signs She Is Using Me

1. “You HAVE to do this for me”

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It’s absolutely fine to demand time and space from a close or loved one.

It means that out of all the crowd present out there, they choose to miss you and be with you.

But there are some demands that are straight on horrifying. Do you know what these demands involve?

Material things.

Material things can include gifts, handling the expenses of her trips, and paying her bills.

“Dude, she hasn’t been nice to me for a few days. I think I’m going to buy her an expensive gift to make up for the mistake I don’t know I committed.”

And then you buy her an expensive purse. Voila! Instantly, she’s the sweetest person ever!

Of course, we tend to be nicer while accepting a gift from anyone to thank them for a moment. But in this case, you have to sit back and notice.

What was the last time she kissed you on your cheek or treated you extremely nice? Was that the time when you gifted her a present?

What was the last time when she flirted or agreed to be intimate with you? Do all these moments involve you handling her expenses or paying her bills?

I wish your answer to this question is no. But if it’s yes, I don’t need to say any further. Yeah, bro, she is using you.

2. You are her shoulder to cry on, yet she never wipes away your tears

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Not always a woman uses men for fulfilling her need for monetary greed or free dinner.

Sometimes, she just wants a free personal therapist.

Such women use a man’s shoulder to cry on. And when they are done with it, they spend months without asking “how are you?”.

As we all know, a man has a primal need to provide. So he willfully agrees to offer his shoulder as it makes him feel more manly or rather on his way to fulfill his purpose.

But let’s not forget that even a man has his rough times, roadblocks, and bad days.

A man not always cries, because he confuses crying with being weak. But he can’t deny that even he wants to let out and share his emotions.

If you find yourself in such a situation, look out for these signs –

A woman who is not there with you for a hidden motive will help you deal with your bad times just like you are always there for her.

But a woman who has no interest in you whatsoever will give a deaf ear to all your miseries.

Not only that, some can even hold the courage to interrupt you mid-sentence while you are expressing your grief.

She will stop you and start on her own, dictating how victimized she feels in life and how everything bad happened to her.

However, you will only get her calls and texts when there’s a bad phase in her life.

When times are good, you will rarely listen to her.

Gentlemen, if there is such a woman in your life, you are being used.

3. Serious conversations are never entertained

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When you are crazy for a girl, all you can think about is the future with her along your side.

You are well aware of the fact that making future plans needs confirmation from both sides.

Before you plan your vacation trips and your wedding venue, you have to know if the lady is even interested in you or not.

Even if she shows she is sexually interested in you, it’s vital to know where things are going with her.

You are not a loser who is using her just for sex and stuff. So, you drop in the important question to her in conversations.

A girl who likes you and is not just using you for some sake will jump with joy to know you are serious about her.

On the other hand, a girl just wasting your time and money will give her best efforts to keep this conversation aside.

Whenever you begin to talk about the real stuff and what this relationship means to her, she will brush it off saying –

“I think I need some time”.

If you are in the budding stages of a new relationship, don’t get her wrong. It’s not easy to take such important and special decisions in a hurry.

But if you are pursuing her for more than a couple of months now and she is still not giving you a straight yes or no, you are being used.

Best advice when it comes to such cases – block her number and run far and fast.

4. The woman is just there for some amazing sex


If you and she are having the best sex of your life with each-other… I’m jealous of you.

How lucky you are to find someone who is so amazing in bed and clicks just right with your sexual compatibility!

But it’s unfortunate to say that your luck persists only till the moment when you don’t attach one-sided feelings to it.

I don’t know how you guys started… whether it was friends with benefits, casual hook-up, serious relationship, or just two friends who seem to like having sex with each other.

If you’re friends with benefits with her, she has made it clear that she is with you only for the sex.

But it’s different if she showed you a dream of a future together, acted as if there were chances of you becoming her man, or made you her man.

A woman who aims to use you will promise you an illusion of a beautiful future but will back off every moment there are talks of commitments.

She will need you only when she wants to have sex. Otherwise, she is not interested to know what you are doing or how your day was.

If it’s not for sex, she will be reluctant to meet you.

There will be patterns in the way she texts you too. Most of her calls and texts will be scheduled after 11 o’clock at night.

Only a dumb will fail to realize that constant texts after this time don’t mean love but booty call.

5. All her actions prove that she is just not into you

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You fell hard for her, but does she return the special sweet little things you do for her?

For instance, you remember each and every detail about the conversation you had with her months ago.

You know her high school stories, how she felt on the first day of her job, and the bad mental state she was in when she broke up with her ex.

But the main question is, does she invest the same time as you do to know you well?

Does she even care to listen to you when you are excited about something?

To check that, ask her a question regarding things that you talked about a few days before.

Don’t ask her – “Hey, do you remember what I talked about to you on Saturday?”

Instead, ask her – “Hey, do you remember who is my best friend?” or something more specific like that.

There are chances that the user doesn’t even know basic information about you.

After all, as long as you are paying her bills, she doesn’t need to listen to you!

She just doesn’t care to listen or remember anything you say.

But she will surely remember where you work, what post you are in, and how many dollars you earn per month.

After all, she has to show off to her friends which brings us to the next sign.

6. She is just using you as a puppet to show off

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Maybe she is an insecure girl who needs to feel validated by showing off her handsome or rich boyfriend.

Maybe she is a desperate girl who craves her ex’s attention and is using you just in order to make her ex jealous.

Regardless of the so-called “cause”, you will know it if you decide to pay close attention to her actions.

If she just wants to show you off to her friends, there will be more group hangouts with her girls than you get to meet her alone.

Some girls are just too insecure to feel worthy of themselves. They love the idea of men following and pursuing them.

They love it when they get a man to pamper her and show it off proudly to her friends.

In the latter case, she had a breakup with her ex a few weeks or months ago.

You seemed a perfect puppet for her to dance on her fingers and serve the purpose of getting her back with her ex by making him jealous.

She will hesitate to hold your hands or touch you in private.

Wait for her actions to change when she catches her ex or his friends around her. Then, she will be all over you, kissing you and showing random PDA.

The world is a pretty filthy place now. You never know whether you are actually loved or just being used for being good-looking, rich, or caring.

Now that you’ve come to the end of this article, you must be well aware of the signs that a woman who is using you sprinkles here and there.

If you relate to more than one or all of these signs, there’s no doubt that your girl is using you. It’s time to re-think your ways. But don’t worry. Things can be mended by making a few changes.

Stop giving all of your attention to your girlfriend. It’s better to divide your attention by joining a new activity, focusing more on your work, and taking things into your own hands. Join a gym or engage in some kind of sports and bring prominent changes in the way you look.

Ultimately, the woman will start giving you the attention and will want to meet you. When she does that, remember to maintain boundaries and do not compromise with your demands to make her happy. This way, she will know you are not the one to mess up and things will be fine.


It’s easy for chivalrous men to fall into the trap of getting used and confuse it with pampering and love. Not all women who ask you for help, advice, a shoulder to cry have an intention to use you.

You just need to properly distinguish between them. If the woman is as crazy for you as you are, it will show.

If she is not, you will feel ignored and rejected. You can try to distance yourself from her and wait if she comes back.

But if she doesn’t, it means she was with you for selfish intentions from the very first day.

It’s not wise to wait or lament for a woman like that. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. Respect yourself and move on.

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John Santana

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