How to Successfully Stop Obsessing Over Someone
Last Updated on June 28, 2022
Have you ever found yourself constantly dwelled in someone’s thoughts, cut off from the rest of the world, unaware if it’s dusk or dawn, and thinking of nothing but just one person? It can be anyone; someone you loved, someone you are still in love with or someone you secretly crush on.
The substantial feeling as if all your energy, mind, heart, and even your existence has summed into the very existence of that one person in your life. Seconds are turning into minutes, minutes are mutating into hours, no matter if the day has just started or about to end, your mind knows nothing but being possessed by thoughts of that single person.
Does that sound familiar? So, you think that’s love? Sorry to disappoint, but it’s called obsession. So, does this word “obsession” ring some bells? If yes, then you are probably dealing with obsession syndrome. And, that’s definitely not a good sign. What generally starts with a tiny thought, starts to take over all your mind in no time. Obsession of any kind is treacherous unless controlled in time.
It’s like as if the mind has been hijacked and there’s nothing you can do to stop or control it.
A feeling or emotion that started when you saw that person for the first time, or the day your heart got broken, has now turned bigger with passing time and started capturing your brains as if thinking about him/her is the only good thing left in your life.
Obsession of anything not only halts your maturity and daily productivity but also impact your behavior, basic nature, and mindfulness negatively. It blocks your vision to look beyond that person by bringing all your focus and attention on doing nothing but obsessively thinking and worrying about him/her. And, I see no good thing about that.
So, before your obsession comes to jolt you, its time you take charge and get back to the right track.
Symptoms of Obsessive Behavior
So before you step out to shoot arrows in the dark, it’s advisable to first know more about the issue you are dealing with. We have listed down a few symptoms that most of the people face while struggling with obsession syndrome. These are not some medical symptoms but are just a few general ones most of the people experience due to their obsessive nature.
1. Constantly thinking about him/her
If your daily routine goes somewhat like this:
- 8 am – Breakfast while ‘thinking about him/her’
- 9 am – leave for work while ‘thinking about him/her’
- 1 Pm….Same story
- Any time of the day, you are still + ‘thinking about him/her’
If that sounds like your daily routine, then you are undoubtedly suffering from obsession. No matter what you are doing, what you are up to, your mind ceases to think anything apart from thoughts of that person.
If you have forgotten what life seems like without him/her having in your mind, if your unable to focus on any task, if you have almost forgotten to enjoy little things that life brings to table, solely because you don’t have any space left in your mind to accommodate any other things but just the thoughts of the person you are obsessed with…Then no doubt your obsession has taken over you.
By stalking, am not just referring to physical stalking, here, virtual stalking also counts.
If you are a person who is constantly keeping an eye on someone you are preoccupied with, tracking down their social activities, keeping a note of the people they are socializing with and spending most of your time checking out their social media profiles, and if that seems normal to you, now that’s another symptom of obsession.
Obsessed people find stalking the best way to keep a 24×7 watch on the person they are obsessed with. And, when confronted about it, they justify it as “light and harmless act”. But, hadn’t it be harmless, they wouldn’t have been dealing with their obsession problems.
No matter how they justify it or make it sound normal, or even garnish it with their sweet talks, stalking of any kind is not ethical. They may not realize it, but it’s the major reason that obsessed people are deprived of happiness and peace in their life.
3. Feeling jealous
“Why is she getting too friendly with him?”
“Why he smiled back to her?”
“How come she agreed to go on lunch with him, not me?”
“What did he do to get so importance and attention from her?”
If that’s what taking the majority of your thinking, then here’s another symptom that you are dealing with obsession issues. Obsessive people find it hard seeing their crush or love gelling up with other people of the opposite sex. They try their best to seclude their obsession interest by making up false stories about other people, and by bitching about them. Their only intention behind this to keep their crush/love glued just to themselves and to kill other possible prospects.
Even a casual handshake starts to make them jealous, and the funny thing is they never accept it. They try their best to hide this side about them from the person they are obsessed with. I wonder how they even manage to smile, while their thoughts state a different story.
4. Impatient and anxious
This is probably the most talked-about symptoms of obsession, that can turn into depression if not controlled in time. Obsessive people are always anxious because they have forgotten what it’s like to have mental peace and inner calmness.
This obsession halts their progress as happy human-being. They lose their control over their happiness, as they are no longer driving their mindset. Their own thinking and awareness take the back seat and stress start to steer their life by leaving them with no choice but to watch it silently.
Their behavior turns worse with time, even the smallest issues start to bring their anger to boil. And, in no time they find themselves trapped in depression. End of the story!
Obsessive people find it extremely hard to enjoy life and to gel up with other people. Their obsessive nature never let them make strong bonds with other people as there is no space left in their mind to accommodate other things and people.
And, cutting themselves off from social life appeals to be the best way to them. They stop meeting their friends, spending time with their family, stop stepping out of home, and spends the majority of their time just obsessively thinking about the person. Nothing appeals to them, their obsessive nature sucks up all the fun out of their life.
Even if they try to get social, mentally they are always lost somewhere as they find it difficult to bring their attention to the present moment. They forget how it is like to own their mind and thoughts, and thus, peaceful life slips out in front of their eyes.
The Science Behind the Obsession
On tracing back the sources of Obsession after going through various studies, it has to be seen that this behavior works like any other additions. Generally, it is treated as a part of OCD, i.e ‘Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders’. In simple terms, a mental disorder in which a person has a recurring and uncontrollable stream of thoughts going into their mind that he repeats over and over.
And, this is not just related to just love relationships, it applicable for other things too. Different persons have a different kind of obsessions. It’ like getting addicted to something and later withdrawal of that ‘something’ starts to cause repetitive negative thoughts that get uncontrollable with time.
Obsessive people surround themselves with guilt, fear, and doubts, which further adds up to their crisis. And once it gets out of hand, it starts to affect every other area of life too as any other addictions would do.
Acceptance and awareness
Some people find it tough to realize that they are dealing with obsession disorder. They misinterpret this with passionate love, infatuation or a regular crush on someone. For them, it’s just the byproduct that comes when we connect with someone on an emotional dimension.
So, the first and most crucial step to overcome obsession is to realize and accept that you are dealing with this problem. Do not try to make it sound like a casual act, or don’t even give it a name of love or infatuation. If you genuinely feel that this obsession is hindering your happiness and making you and your life miserable, then just accept it.
The first step to deal with any problem is to accept it. Realize that it’s not causing problems just for you, it’s affecting the person too who you are obsessed with. Don’t turn blind to this, if you want to overcome obsession. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in accepting it for the good intentions.
Get to the source that triggers it.
After acceptance, then comes the next step, i.e to find the sources that trigger your obsession. Evaluate things that ignite your obsession, find the emotions that enhance your obsession, and finally, once you get aware of triggers, eliminate them.
I agree it’s not as simple as it sounds. But, there’s no other way around. All you have to do is to bring all your consciousness and awareness on one point. For example, If anytime you feel jealous, or anytime you feel obsession is taking over your mind…just wait…and think what thoughts were going through your mind when jealousy hit you.
Best way to track the sources is to keep a log in your phone or keep a small diary with you. And, anytime any negativity hits you, just write about the last thought that went through your mind. That will surely help you to evaluate the hidden emotions triggering your obsessions. The main goal is to dig deeper and it can’t be achieved unless you harness all the power of your conscious awareness.
Would you believe me if I say your mind is the biggest culprit behind your obsessive nature or even other problem you are facing in life? Don’t you think that every stress or problem that bothers you originates in your mind first?
And, the only thing that makes a difference is how you choose to control your mind. If you do it wisely, everything starts to appear brighter, and if you let it roam wildly, then it’s a total disaster.
Do not get too attached to your thoughts. Learn to control your thoughts and make peace with them rather than letting them control you. And, mindfulness is the best way to achieve that. Lots of things you can do to practice mindfulness, like reading positive books, limit the use of social media, practice meditation, follow a healthy routine.
You can’t control external situations or circumstances, but you always have the choice of how you choose to react to it. And, that’s what makes all the difference.
Confront him/her and express your feelings
If in case, the reason of your obsession is your shyness to confront your feelings, or the fear of the rejection, or even the low confidence, then dude please stop making things more melancholic for you. Don’t turn into an obsessive freak just because you couldn’t find guts to talk to the person you love.
If you think watching your crush from distance is the bravest thing you can do, then just stop. Then try to get Closer to your Crush and Better learn to be little outspoken about your feelings. Who knows they also feel the same for you and expecting from you to make the first move. And, even if they don’t react the way you expects from them, do not make it a life-death issue.
But, locking your feelings and emotions in your heart is doing no good, instead, it’s turning you into an emotional mess and obsessive freak. Do not live in ‘what-if” guilt.
Keep yourself busy
As you might have heard that empty mind is devil’s workshop, and when our mind has nothing productive to think of, it falls in the pit of incessant negative thinking. If thinking excessively about your obsession is what keeps you busy for the whole day long, then no wonder you have become a complete mess.
You need to find things that can keep you busy without negatively influencing your life. Be it some hobby, or work, or studies, you need to find something to fully indulge yourself and enjoy.
Please don’t do for the sake of it, you need to do it with all your concentration. And that can’t be achieved unless you bring all your focus on the tasks you have taken in hand. Don’t do anything half-heartedly.
Talk to someone
We always have someone who cares about us and always there to help out with things when we feel stuck in life. Be it your family, or a few handful friends who listens and understands you patiently, just approach them and open up about the situation you are dealing with.
Don’t overthink how they will take it or what they will think of you, once you start to be vocal about your obsessive phase, they will indeed support you to overcome it. And, it’s not only the support you will get from them, but you will also feel light after sharing your hearts out.
There’s no sound reason you should fight this battle alone. So, don’t wait, just find the person you trust the most and open up to them. Let them know what you are dealing with and don’t be shy to ask for help.
Set your goals right
Quality of your goals and your determination to achieve them make a huge difference in how to perceive life and things related to it. And, now just because you are dealing with an obsession, you have lost track of life and wandering without directions.
If that so, then now the time has come to reshuffle your goals and set right priorities. Make a list of things that are really important to you. Figure out how you want to carry on with your life rather than living your nightmares of obsession.
But it surely won’t be a cakewalk to undergo a complete mind-shift and to walk down to a different path, but there’s no reason you should take your life goals lightly. Figure out what you want from your life, and once you are determined enough to change things for your own good, half of the battle is already won.
Get professional help
If you believe that things have really gone beyond your control and it’s too late to deal with it alone, then please do not shy away from getting professional help. Find some good psychiatrists and approach them.
There are lots of ways these professionals can help you to deal with this issue. Don’t be afraid of what your friends and family will think of you. There are a few things that a professional can do a lot better than your friends and family. They are experts in dealing with emotional and mental issues and can really make a significant improvement in your situation.
Unlike some people, they don’t judge you based on things you share with them. They are not in a hurry to jump straight to the conclusions. Instead, they listen to you carefully and handle things wisely.
Distant yourself physically
At times we all need to cut off from the world to figure out a few things more clearly. Rather than fighting with the prolonged stress and problems, it’s wise to take a break from the person you are obsessed with.
Stop calling them, stop stalking them Facebook and Insta, stop waiting for their text, just cut all the chords that connect you with them. You can’t overcome obsession if you are continuously around that person.
If that means to even delete their phone number, block them on social media, or even ignoring their calls and texts, then don’t be shy of that. You have to make a choice, what’s more, important to you? To be free of this obsessiveness, or surrendering to it and make life more miserable?
If you are someone who has lost the track of day or night and can’t even remember when you had the last outing or had talked to your friends last time, the time has come for you to step out of your home and gel up with the real people and the world.
Spending most of your time thinking and obsessing about something has not done anything good to you. You need to realize it. There is more of the world you choose to ignore, there’s more to life which you choose not to live, there’s more to the happiness that you have turned blind to.
You are not here to live forever, each passing day brings you an opportunity to live it to the fullest rather than secluding yourself just in your room’s wall. Go out and Live, meet new people, have fun with friends, make each day a memorable one.
Don’t overstress mate, there’s nothing in this world that can’t be cured with your efforts and good intentions. There is more to you and this world than your obsessions. Start to look beyond the obvious and things will start to appear easy. You are definitely not a looser or some pyscho, there are millions of people struggling with some kind of addictions. Just have the guts and determination to deal with it. Every problem has some solution.
Find peace among the chaos and do not confuse your identity with your mind…Because once you dig deeper, you realize that you are not your mind, you are much beyond that.
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