How to Start Dating After Being Widowed: A Gentle Guide to Exploring the Dating World
If you’re thinking about how to start dating after being widowed, then it’s likely you’re experiencing a lot of emotions all at once. Dating can be an exciting prospect, but it may also be frightening to be out in the world without your spouse. You might be looking forward to meeting someone new while also being scared of the potential change that they might bring to your life. Feeling these complex emotions is, of course, entirely okay. You’re a complicated person, as we all are, and you contain multitudes.
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We’re writing this piece because we want to help those who have been widowed with their complex feelings. It’s okay for you to be both scared and excited, both eager and reluctant. Here, we’re going to talk about how to start dating after being widowed, as well as the importance of considering your own needs and whether dating is right for you right now.
When Should You Start Dating Again?
The most important thing to consider about dating after being widowed is that your grief is a unique and personal journey. Even if you feel that you’re 100% ready to date at the moment, there’s a chance that something will happen on a date and you’re suddenly having a tough time again. For some, it’s simple to start dating weeks or months after the death of a spouse, and others vow never to date again. Either way, the point stands: it’s a personal journey, and allowing yourself some time to take that journey is kind and wise.
If you feel a little stuck in your grief journey, it may help to consider how you’re approaching dating. For instance, UK charity Widowed and Young says that many people prefer to use the term “moving forward” to describe dating, rather than “moving on”. It’s true that your spouse was a big part of your life, and it’s also true that they’ll continue to be a big part of your life even in death. Your love story with them isn’t necessarily over — you can continue to carry their love for you as you carry on experiencing life.
It may help to consider this “moving forward” by considering your time with your spouse and how it impacted you. Consider the things you do now that you never did before you married, from little things like how you make a cup of tea to bigger things like your hobbies. Even as you think about how to start dating after being widowed, you carry your spouse with you in your mannerisms and habits. They’ll be alongside you every step of the way.
A Tricky Part of How to Start Dating After Being Widowed, Meeting Someone New
One part of learning how to start dating after being widowed that is often overlooked is that physically finding someone can be pretty tricky. If you were married for a long time, then it’s likely that many of your friends were friends with both of you, rather than just one of you. Therefore, finding someone you might date can be tougher, they’re also grieving for the same person as you.
Meeting a brand-new person can be daunting, but it doesn’t have to be hard. A good place to start is to consider your hobbies and interests. If there are things you enjoy, you can likely find a local group or community that does that activity together. Take a look at noticeboards in your local area and keep an eye out for activities you might be interested in. You could even get involved in a club that you’ve never tried before, but always wanted to, indulging the spirit of trying something new can help you to accept this new life you’re starting.
Of course, you could also consider online dating. This might be a little daunting if you’re not terribly keen on technology, but there’s no shame in asking a loved one for help. Take the time to craft an online dating profile, respond to a few messages, and you’ll have a date before you know it.
Considering What You Need in Someone You Date
A more nuanced element of how to start dating after being widowed is considering what you, specifically, need. Karen Sutton, The Widow Coach, has said some interesting things on this topic, particularly around whether dating a fellow widow or a non-widow is more ideal.
Dating someone else who has been widowed may seem like a clear choice. After all, they will understand the grief that you’re experiencing, and they can possibly even help you through it. Part of your grief can include sharing anecdotes with a partner or visiting places you’d previously only been to with your spouse. These elements of your grief can make you feel a little vulnerable, but someone else experiencing similar emotions is liable to understand completely.
However, the drawback of dating a fellow widow when learning how to start dating after being widowed is that you have to make space for two sets of grief. While that’s something that might be beneficial to some people’s healing journey, some may find it to be a self-sustaining cycle of upsetting thoughts and memories. The danger is that the cycle becomes akin to an anchor, preventing the two of you from moving forward.
In truth, the core thing to look for around how to start dating after being widowed is a partner who respects your grief and the relationship you’ve had previously, and allows you the time and space you need. A partner that might not quite understand but entirely accommodates your needs is worth their weight in gold.
When you’re thinking about getting back out there after you’ve experienced a huge loss, you may feel quite lost and confused. That’s totally okay, we’re all unique, and so is our grief. We hope that this article has helped to break down the core details of how to start dating after being widowed.
