Last Updated on May 26, 2021
Having an affair with another man or woman is generally frowned upon, especially with your current partner. This can of course change if your partner wants to end the relationship and doesn’t really care.
Either way, having an affair with another is generally high risk because you don’t know what the end result will be – divorce, breakup, or what?
We are here to offer a few ways to hide the fact that you are having an affair with anyone who might want to know and cause negative consequences. Our tips range from technology to how you should act, as well as how to prepare yourself in the event that your partner is on to you.
- Be Careful with Technology
- Have an Alibi
- Physical Signs
- Final Thoughts
Be Careful with Technology
When you are having an affair, there is a pretty good chance you have communicated with your new partner by digital means at some point unless you both explicitly agreed not to. If you happen to work with your affair partner that could make things easier.
For those who don’t have that option, ensure that any digital means you have for communication can either be locked down or deleted promptly.
This problem can come from almost any app from your basic phone call to texting or your photos. Get into a routine and rhythm of deleting any record of a phone call, new message, or new photo. Alternatively, you can also attempt to password an app used for communication and prepare some kind of alibi in the event your partner has your phone and wants to access something he or she shouldn’t see.
Apps also exist that effectively hide their true purpose. An app can appear to have a calculator icon or something that came with the phone, but require a code and actually show a messenger or hidden photo vault. These are easier to get away with if your current partner doesn’t already suspect cheating.
Are You Being Spied On?
Your partner also might be spying on you. There are spying apps for both Android and Apple that record most of your conversations and movements from phone calls to physical locations. If you suspect you are being tracked, one way around this is to hard reset your phone consistently. Need an alibi? Claim that your phone is acting slow or doing weird things, as this can sound realistic.
Use Different Apps
Use a different browser for doing any further research about a person, or trying to hide your affair from your partner. Simply having two browsers will probably throw off the scent of your affair, so long as you have the routine down to erase your tracks regarding Internet history, cookies, and messages.
Just use one computer or device
Many people have a laptop and a phone. Our suggestion is to use just one device to do all your communication with your affair partner. This is crucial since you will likely have to learn a routine just to keep up with your communications, and don’t need tracks scattered across devices and locations.
You can also consider getting a “burner” phone or separate device for the purpose of communicating to your affair partner. Use the same methods to set it up though. Be especially careful with this device though as not many people have more than one phone, much less a burner phone. Be prepared with a serious explanation about why you would need one.
Have an Alibi
The alibi method goes well beyond having an affair and can be used in many situations, including why you didn’t want to go to a party or why you didn’t do something right or on time. Having an alibi is kind of human nature in the sense that people don’t always tell the truth anyway.
Let’s say you are having an affair with a coworker and your current partner has noticed you are coming home from work later every once in a while. If your partner cares about the relationship, they might ask questions about work. They might not even initially think anything is suspicious.
You’ll need to have a basic alibi for a situation like this.
Does your partner have any sort of connection with your alibi? Be as vague as possible. “I was working late on a project” is pretty vague and offers no detail about what kind of project, who assigned the project, or much of anything. You could actually take the project part out if you want to become even more vague.
Being vague will also serve you well based on the responses you receive. Be prepared with multiple levels of detail in case your partner asks questions for more detail about who you were with or what you were doing. Unless your partner already suspects you of cheating, you probably won’t receive many questions the first couple of times you are doing something unusual.
Give a response that fits you
Let’s say you’ve known your current partner for a while. He or she knows your routine reasonably well, whether you live together or not. When asked where you were or what you were doing, your partner might not be suspicious in the first place.
Don’t respond with something that seems out of character for you like, “I went kayaking” when you aren’t outdoorsy or “I worked late” when your partner knows your company works strict hours. This tip is mostly common sense that if you are doing something rather unusual for you, you are setting yourself up for a bunch of explanation and backtracking.
Remember Your Lies
This is really important, especially if your partner is getting suspicious. You may have made up a few things like alibis over time. You’ll need to consistently keep track of these and remember what you said so you don’t find your reasonings and lies to be all over the place and inconsistent.
Otherwise, prepare for an unpleasant conversation and him or her diving more into what you are doing. Inconsistency breeds mistrust, especially when your partner is clearly trying to stop you from having an affair or cheating.
Don’t tell your friends about your affair. Anyone who knows besides you presents a risk of the word spreading to your current partner. Don’t advertise or brag about what you are doing. Your friends or even people you don’t know might not approve of what you are doing and they could help end your secrecy.
Be Ready to Act
Some men or women who are potentially caught cheating effectively turn the tables. Act like the other person should feel guilty for pursuing the information, or attempt to sincerely attempt that you are not trying to hide anything.
People only really have so many places where they can make an extramarital affair possible. Keeping in mind that the intent might not be to have sex every time you meet, be careful and consider the following.
Meet at Unusual Places
Don’t take your affair partner to places that your current partner frequents. While having your affair partner stumble onto you out to lunch with your current partner seems like part of a sitcom, it can and does happen. As much as you might like the little corner cafe nearby, avoid it.
Also, if your affair partner knows about your current relationship this might be more difficult because they might not understand why you don’t want to go to certain places. This is another situation where technology can hurt you.
Companies like Google track your location and send out notifications about previous travel or places you’ve been on a regular basis. Try turning off location services when meeting your affair partner. If your partner somehow notices this, have an explanation available, like a low battery or the phone’s inability to locate properly.
Always Consider Unpopular Places
Go to a place where you are unlikely to see anyone else you know. You’ll look a little weird if your current partner’s friend from work sees you come in and leave with someone else.
This might actually be easier at a hotel. People don’t often frequent hotels in their own area because honestly, why would they? Hotels also often have good meeting places and of course, nice comfy beds and private rooms.
Let’s face that your partner will start to notice if you go in and out of an unusual routine. Are you staying late for work consistently? Are you going out with the guys or girls more?
Do you go out more often without inviting your current partner? These are all going to add up. While it’s difficult to offer specific advice for this situation, it’s best to remain inconsistent enough that meeting up with someone they don’t know for a date or sex doesn’t quite add up.
Are you primarily a credit card user? Your partner might start to notice unusual transactions for gifts or meals at places you don’t normally go.
The next obvious step is to use cash. Your partner might also notice that you are withdrawing cash more than normal. Have an explanation ready for this.
The easiest way to handle this situation is to get cash directly from your paycheck, especially if it’s not consistent from check to check. If you have direct deposit, consider getting cash at places that offer cash back without fees, which happens at many retailers.
Your current partner likely knows what you smell like and how you look on a daily basis. In many cases, a cheating man doesn’t notice his own smell.
Realistically, both cheating women and men notice differences in smell. Whether it’s the smell of sex with a different partner, smoke from someone’s else breath, or excessive cologne use to cover up the presence of someone else, it might become obvious pretty quickly.
Unless you normally wear cologne, just shower or take a bath slightly more often. This washes off all scents and your current partner and affair partner might both appreciate it.
If your current partner asks why you are showering more often, it really won’t be that hard to provide a reasonable explanation. After all, many people wish their partners showered just a bit more.
Affection and Your Current Partner
Keep in mind that your current partner will notice if you are less affectionate to them. Combined with alibis and being gone occasionally, they might get suspicious.
The easiest way to fix this is to know it’s happening, then offer your current partner the same cuddles, kisses, conversation, and sex that you had before. You want to indicate that you are satisfied with your partner and your partner needs to feel that.
Some partners might actually get suspicious if you are suddenly over the top affectionate.
One of the most common, and not overly fictional ways people get caught cheating is because physical signs were left on the partner. Does he have lipstick on his collar (this one is a favorite of romantic comedies) or is it something physically different?
This is why having a sharp eye and a change of clothes in your vehicle is a good idea. Take a look at details on your clothing to see if something is clearly off or amiss.
If your partner finds an extra set of clothes, keep in mind that it’s not uncommon for people to sweat through their clothes or just want to feel fresh after a day.
We just discussed many small details that can help you keep an affair hidden. Details are really what hiding an affair all about. You need to remain consistent and not give your partner any reason to believe that you are cheating to avoid having to use more detailed explanations that may unravel your desires and your stories.
Issues can range from potentially unthought-of problems with technology to just noticing the small things you yourself are doing differently. While we don’t know if your partner is an observant person who cares if you are having an affair, your best bet is to assume that they are and not take risks with information.