How To Get Over a Hookup

How To Get Over & Forget Your Hookup?

ByJohn Santana

by John Santana

“No-strings-attached” is Rule No.1 when you hook up with someone. Investing feelings in an FWB (Friends With Benefits) is not wise. They are incapable of returning the feelings or giving you a sense of security.

Sex complicates things. Sometimes, it is hard to refrain from developing feelings when sex is involved. So, what can you do when unwanted feelings are brewing from this casual relationship?

How can you push yourself to get over a hookup to not get hurt?


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Best Ways To Get Over a Hookup

Girlfriend-Boyfriend-Arguing

1. Unfollow Them On Social Media

It’s not easy, but it must be done. You must have found yourself being obsessed with their social media. Every post tickles your heartstrings. Whenever there is an update, you become an FBI agent to overanalyze each post. You get panic attacks at the slightest hints that maybe they are going out with someone.

Forcing yourself to unfollow them on social media distances you from the source of the problem. It will be hard to click on that button but once it’s done, you will feel light as a feather. If unfollowing them is too harsh, you can mute them. But be warned, it’s tempting to simply unmute when you are in that dark hole.

2. Do Not Hook Up With Them Anymore

When your hookup is not interested in starting a relationship, continuing this casual relationship will only bring sorrow. Firmly reject their request to hook up again. Whether you want to disclose your feelings to them is entirely up to you, but in most cases, it will only complicate things further without any benefits.

It is unlikely that you will ever get over them if you don’t stop seeing them. Your feelings will only be stronger with more casual dates. There is no reason to torment yourself like that.

3. Get On a Dating Site

Seeing someone else is a great distraction to this dead-end relationship. There are loads of hot dating sites out there. Adult FriendFinder, Ashley Madison, and Bang Locals are just a few of the excellent choices to begin with. Every day, there are millions of people getting a match on these platforms.

Serious relationships are common on these sites. You will find everything you seek in love. The reason you are so hooked on your FWB is probably that you are dying to have a partner, and there are no other suitable choices. It is a no-brainer to hop on one to find someone that actually wants to fall in love with you.

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4. Remind Yourself Of Reality

Are you fantasizing about a relationship with them because of their physical attributes or common values? Regardless of the reasons, it is important that you can separate yourself from the fairytale you made up. Obviously, they are here for your body. There is no love and they don’t really care about you.

People tend to glorify things they can’t have. You should not have any romantic fantasies over someone that pays zero attention to you. If they have made it clear that they are here only for sex, it is the wrong time to consider them a good lover. Perhaps in the future, they will change their mind, but for now, they are hardly lover-material.

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5. Confront Them About It

Although it’s not the smartest move to confront your hookup on the reason they wouldn’t love you back, some people do find it necessary to hear it before they can fully move on. Once you get it out of your system, you no longer have the lingering feeling that you should have done something more.

Ask them if they are open to committing. Kindly make them aware that you have fallen for them and would like to know if you are just not their type or if they are not looking for a serious relationship at all. Remember, you entered this no-strings-attached relationship willingly, your FWB does not owe you a three-page explanation as to why they don’t want you.

You need to respectfully leave the topic if they do not want to discuss it further. By not talking about it, they have also given you the answer you need. They do not want to be romantically linked and it’s time to forget about them.

6. Avoid Hanging Out With Mutual Friends For a While

Friends should not be the collateral damage in a failed relationship. Unfortunately, when you are not truly over your hookup, keeping a distance from mutual friends for the moment helps with the struggle.

Spending too much with mutual friends will unavoidably remind you of their existence, especially when you share the same friendship group. It is easy for your friends to bring up your hookup. The thought of hearing them meeting up is not good for your self-recovery. In order to fully separate yourself from their life, stop contacting mutual friends for a while.

The period does not have to be long. To be precise, the quicker you can separate yourself, the faster you can move on. Once you are past the grieving stage, you can hang out with your friends again without feeling the pressure to ask them about your hookup.

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7. Work On Yourself

Focusing on your career goals works like a charm. Getting entangled in relationship troubles can blind you from other important things in life. Working on yourself gives you a whole new perspective. Finally, you will not have to chase your hookup down. Admirers will come knocking on your door.

Adding value to yourself is the best way to get over a hookup. As you feel more confident about yourself, your personality shines through. People will see the beauty in you. Besides, when you upgrade yourself, you will start seeing how you are out of their league. It is good riddance that this relationship did not work out.

How To Stop Regretting a Hookup?

A Couple Arguing

Statistically, both men and women will regret certain hookup experiences. It leads to shameful self-accusations. Not all hookups end beautifully but one should not let it negatively impact them with regrets.

Accept Your Choices

Regretting a hookup is dangerous as it hinders your future endeavors. When a casual relationship does not go the way you intended, it’s normal to contemplate all the wrong decisions you make. However, there has to be a time limit. The fear of repeating the same mistake should not be an obstacle to finding love.

Write Your Concerns

Write down your thoughts and critically analyze how the situation could have been handled differently. For example, if you were fearful of contracting STDs/STIs, make sure to always use protection in the future. Or if catching feelings is a big concern, you need to ask yourself whether a one-night stand would be more suitable.

Enjoy The Journey

Also, for most people, having random sex is a life stage. Married couples without a crazy past often wonder how life could have been different. Some people need to go through that stage before they feel it is time to settle down.

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Focus On The Future

Like adolescent time, there could be embarrassing things but that’s part of life. You don’t have to look back and feel guilty about hooking up with someone. As long as you are well now, you should focus on the future.

Learn From It

Every hookup is a lesson to be learned. There is no need to turn away from it. Instead, you can absorb the valuable tactics and teach yourself how to do better in the future.

How To Know If You Can Handle a Hookup?

How To Hook Up With Someone

Indeed, hooking up is not for everyone. For the soft-hearted ones, the littlest kind gestures from your FWB can send the butterflies straight down your stomach. Then, you are left forever enchanted by their charisma, unable to pull yourself away from their spell.

Getting emotionally attached to a hookup is dangerous. There is a high chance that the feeling is not mutual. In that case, you are left wondering if you are unlovable because everything seems to be going so well and you are sure there’s love.

The truth is hard to handle. You can’t judge their actions by this casual relationship. They could be doing everything to get into your pants. You must possess the strength to see their intentions separately to handle a hookup.

Sometimes, FWB can hang out without having sex. You can spend time with each other but that does not necessarily translate to love. Just like you are using each other for sex, they could be using your company to pass the time. There are so many layers in a casual relationship.

If you are lucky, you may find both sides developing feelings. But you should know how to handle the situation if it is one-sided.

It’s okay if it is too intense for you. Not everyone is made to handle hookups. And it’s fine that you did not like your previous experiences. Some people have to try it to know they dislike it. The healthy step to take is to do what feels comfortable. Once you know your goals in dating, it is easier to find the right partner.

Hooking up can be an exciting chapter in your dating life, but not everyone needs it. You don’t have to force yourself to be comfortable either way. Ask yourself what the heart wants and follow it.

Summary

Getting over someone you have feelings for takes time. One of the best ways to get over a hookup is to date someone else that makes you feel loved and valued.

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John Santana
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