Last Updated on March 30, 2021
For a lot of people, finding a fuck buddy is the absolute dream scenario. Sex whenever you want, without having to deal with the emotional demands of a full relationship.
No need to go for fancy dinner dates, meet the parents, or take care of the other person when they look ill and gross and there’s no chance of you getting any. Best of both worlds.
There’s no doubt about it, sex is making a comeback. In recent years, people have been a lot more open with talking about sex and different set-ups that work for individual cases. Not only are people far more accepting of the idea that sexuality is a spectrum rather than a simple case of one or the other, but trying out different kinks and fetishes is being talked about and more openly accepted too.
Take the case of the fuck buddy. The idea of just meeting up for sex used to be seriously frowned upon, especially for women. These days though, we can appreciate the practicalities of a fuck buddy.
The problem is, how do you find one? Well don’t worry, it’s much more common than you might think, and there are some pretty simple ways to find one too. We’ll talk through places IRL as well as online, and the places to avoid if you want them to actually exist and without needing payment. But first, let’s take a look at who counts as a fuck buddy, and why people might want one.
Who is a fuck buddy?
A fuck buddy is a simple, genius concept. It’s a partner who you meet up with on a fairly regular basis, but for nothing more than sex. They aren’t the person who you call when you’re feeling down about something that’s happened, nor when you are thrilled about some good news.
They’re the person you text when you’re feeling horny and want to get some without having to chat about anything more serious than the weather. This is pretty key. If you want a fuck buddy, you need to remember that it has no future. It’s not going anywhere.
In fact, you need to make absolutely sure that neither of you have any expectations of commitment. That’s not what this set-up is about, at all. You need to both be open about being on the same page as this, otherwise one or both of you will get hurt. And after a few shags, maybe check in again, with yourself and your new buddy. It can be only too easy to get confused by the hormones and start wanting something more from them.
It’s worth mentioning that a sex buddy is different to being friends with benefits. There can be a cross-over, but they are different set-ups. Being friends with benefits means that you are primarily friends. You can chat about your days and things that happen to you, and sometimes you might not have sex.
FWB is more of a casual hookup between friends that sometimes happens when you both feel keen, but can be stopped without any hard feelings between you. And crucially, after being friends with benefits, you’ll go back to being friends. That’s not what fuck buddies are about. At some point, being fuck buddies will probably just happen increasingly less regularly, and you’ll forget all about each other as you move onto the next one. Simple.
Why get a fuck buddy?
Some of you might think this is a stupid question, but it’s actually pretty important. Recognising the different reasons why someone might want a fuck buddy is a good way of working out how to find one. It will also help you work out who would be a good fuck buddy, and who would struggle with the lack of commitment.
One of the main types of people who are looking for a fuck buddy, is the type of person who is seriously busy. You know the sort; they work out every day, sometimes twice, are part of a book club, volunteer at the local dog shelter, have a high-powered job and have a social life that makes you wonder how their liver is still working.
These people have a full and busy life. They’re not looking for a big romance or someone to spend their weekends with. They’re looking for someone they can get down and dirty with, without having to put in any effort.
They’re not the only type though. Another big fan of the fuck buddy system is the person who’s just got out of a serious relationship. This could be someone who has just got divorced, just been dumped, or someone who realised that they were on the fast-track to being settled in suburbia and wanted to get out, fast.
These people have no interest in being committed to someone again right now. In fact, a lot probably have some serious emotional baggage, and you are the person who can step-up and take their mind off it, without having to deal with any of it yourself.
The other main type of person looking for a fuck buddy is someone who isn’t very settled. This could mean that they are just getting out of college and don’t know what they are going to do. Alternatively, it could be someone who is just back from, or just about to go, travelling.
They don’t want to end up in anything serious, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to get laid. It could also be someone who’s living in a foreign country. Chances are they won’t be staying that long, so they want to find someone they can sleep with regularly, without having to worry about where it’s going (i.e. nowhere).
How to find a fuck buddy? – 2 Cool & Useful Ways
Okay, so in terms of how you can actually find yourself a fuck buddy, there are two main options. You can do it in-person, or online. Obviously with a lot of people being trapped in-doors at the moment, some of the in-person options might not be available right now, but you’ll know exactly where to go once you’re allowed out again.
Remember, the key to finding a great fuck buddy is to make sure that you are both on the same page. Think about it carefully to make sure you know what you are getting out of it, and speak to them to make sure that they know too. Maybe even set some ground rules.
Otherwise, if you treat them like a fuck buddy, without mentioning it, they could well be expecting more. That’ll make you come off looking like an ass, and it’s probably not going to last very long either. But if you set it up right, you can keep a fuck buddy going for as long as you both want.
We spoke before about who is looking for a fuck buddy. Let that guide you for where to find them. If you are looking for someone who is super busy, chances are that they’ll be spending a lot of time doing their hobbies. That means you could pick them up at the gym, in a film club, or at a dance class.
Or have you ever thought about joining a book club? If you are a guy looking for a woman, chances are that in a book club there won’t be many men, and you can look interesting and sophisticated, while also securing your next fuck buddy.
The other option for meeting people IRL is to meet them at a bar, nightclub, or even a cafe. People tend to spend a lot of time sitting in a cafe, reading or working. Find a way to spark a conversation, like commenting on their book, or even asking to share the table if it’s busy, and pretty soon you could be leaving with their number and months of regular sex ahead of you.
For a bar or nightclub it is arguably a lot easier to meet people who are DTF, and probably not interested in commitment, but it is more likely that they are just in it for a one-time thing. If you want to make sure that it becomes more regular, you need to make sure that you show them the time of their life. A great shag is the most likely way to make them want to see you again. This means being confident, reading their body language, and making sure that you please them rather than just yourself.
Of course, the other way to meet a fuck buddy is online. This might sound simple, but there are still a few obstacles to look out for. The main thing that could get in your way is looking in the wrong places.
If you just type in app for fuck buddy, you’re going to get taken to all kinds of sites that promise you the time of your life, but most of them are basically just porn sites, full of bots, and trying to get money out of you. Most of them don’t even have real people on there. A good way to check if they’re real is to test whether they are aimed at both men and women, or just heterosexual men. If it looks like it’s just for men, then you’ve got to ask yourself which women would be joining.
Luckily for you, we’ve got some better sites to recommend that really can help you with finding a fuck buddy. Everyone knows about Tinder, but Tinder has so many people on it, that it can be hard to find someone who you are going to match with and who is just looking for a fuck buddy.
This is made simpler on apps like Bumble, Hud, or Adult Friend Finder. All three of these options get you to put what you are looking for on your profile. You can even filter the results so that you only match with other people who are looking for something casual.
That makes it a whole lot easier to find yourself a fuck buddy. A lot of these options offer same-sex findings too, but non-hetero people will probably prefer and have more luck using, Grindr or HER. Other options include KinkD, Pure and Wild.
These last three options are all aimed more at people who are looking for sex rather than relationships, but they also have fewer people signed up, so it could be harder to find a match. On the flip side, OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish are more targeting people who are looking for a relationship, so they will probably bring you less success than the others in finding a fuck buddy.
Okay so as you can see, there are plenty of places to go find yourself your next fuck buddy. And it’s worth remembering that the more places you try, in-person and online, the more likely you are to have success. In a lot of ways, it’s just a numbers game.
Plus, the more you practice trying to ask people out, the better you’ll get and the more confident you’ll be. Confidence is key for successfully finding yourself a fuck buddy to get down with on the regs. Just remember to be open about what you are looking for, make sure that they are up for it too, and stay safe.