Last Updated on May 26, 2021
A love affair is a touchy subject, one that is hard to talk about for a number of reasons. Having an affair is something that few people are proud of, for obvious reasons. The lying, the cheating, the disrespect you are inflicting to others – it is hard to handle even though it is you making these choices.
Having an affair is hard to sit with and hard to be realistic about. But affairs are hard for other reasons as well. One of the biggest reasons that affairs can be so tricky is because they are so hard to talk about. An affair is such a sensitive subject that it is sometimes impossible to even discuss it with yourself.
It is hard to even be honest with your own feelings when it comes to the love affair you are having. The time you need to be most honest about an extramarital affair is when you are planning to end it. While it may seem easy to start an affair, ending one is a whole different situation and can be way harder than you expect.
No matter how it started or who is involved, ending an affair can be traumatic and painful for everyone tied into it. If you don’t do it correctly and play your cards right, you can hurt even more people and cause irreparable damage to every relationship in your life.
If you want to end an affair, you want to do it the right way. There is no shame in that. In fact, it is the right thing to do. But you have to be just as careful getting out as you were careless getting in. If you do this the right way, you can still preserve the relationships you want while quietly and peacefully ending the ones you don’t.
4 Practical Ways to End an Affair Easily
1. Be Honest with Yourself
Here is the first step in the process and perhaps the most important one. Before you can peacefully end any affair you need to have a serious conversation with one person: yourself. If you cannot sit yourself down and talk to yourself honestly and frankly about your situation, you aren’t going to get anywhere.
So, what do you need to talk about with yourself regarding your extramarital affair? You need to be completely truthful about the situation, what you have done, and what you want to end. You need to say to yourself that you are acting in a way you do not want to act anymore.
You need to make promises and boundaries for yourself, simple yet major things that you can commit not to repeat. If you want this to be your last affair, what are you going to do to ensure that? What steps will you take to make sure this never happens again?
The work will have to be done by you. You need to take complete control of yourself. You have to prove this to yourself and if you cannot trust yourself, you need to ask yourself why and what needs to be done so you can.
What are your goals for ending this affair? Do you want to come clean with your spouse? Do you want to create a stronger relationship with them? Do you want to start anew? Or do you just want to end your affair as amicably as possible? Have a vision in your mind of what this endgame looks like and start plotting a course to get there.
Do not hold back on yourself, do not go easy on yourself. You need to admit what you have done and what you do not like about it and you need to create a plan to make sure it doesn’t happen again. You need to figure out what your future life will look like, what your relationship with your spouse will resemble.
Lay out your plan to achieve these goals. Do not hide away from the shame, either. In fact, use shame as a tool to propel yourself forward. Shame and guilt can be the source of motivation you need right now.
2. Be Firm About the End
You obviously care about the person you are cheating with. No matter what people say, there are feelings involved in an affair. You wouldn’t be spending time outside of your marriage with this person if you didn’t care about them at all. It is okay to admit that you do care about the person you are cheating with.
However, that makes things much more complicated when you are looking to end it. You need to sit this person you care about down and tell them that this affair has to come to a close. Be firm, do not sway against your boundaries or your goals.
You do not have to be a jerk about this, and you do not have to be hurtful. This is probably as painful for them, as it is for you. There are serious feelings involved here and ending a relationship, no matter how it started, is never easy. But you can be kind, you can be caring, you can be sympathetic.
But you cannot waver. Hear what they have to say and have an honest and open conversation about why this all must come to a close. This is an important, healing, and a major step to gently ending your affair.
3. Cut Them Off
If breaking up with your cheating partner was hard, this next step is even harder. However, this next step is probably even more important.
It is advised that you cut off all communication with your cheating partner after the breakup. No matter what they say or offer, it is best if you stop communicating entirely with your partner. There are just too many risks involved, you may not be able to trust yourself, and it is the right thing to do.
You need to tell your partner that this is going to happen when you are ending your affair. You need to tell them that there will be no coming back from it. You need to tell them that they will not have a place in your life anymore. This is hard to say – and to hear. Yet, it is something that absolutely needs to be stated plainly and honestly.
Block your cheating partner on your phone, on social media, any way you can. If you have been an adult about all of this and had an honest conversation with them, that will be the last time you hear from them. That is important because it will allow you to seriously tackle the next steps that you need to save your marriage.
4. Focus on your Marriage
Whether you are married or were just in a committed relationship before your affair, the time has come for you to take the next steps to once again strengthen that relationship now that your affair is done. This isn’t just the next step in the entire process of breaking off an affair,. it is the goal.
Many people ask if you should admit to your spouse or partner that you have cheated. This is a very tricky situation and the answer isn’t always straightforward. Should you tell your spouse that you cheated? It depends on multiple things.
If your spouse asked you if you had an affair and you lied and said no, you should tell them. If your spouse could probably find out about your affair, you should tell them. If the affair is preventing you from having the sort of relationship you want with your spouse, you should tell them.
Telling your spouse about your affair is not easy and could ultimately lead to an outcome you don’t want. You need to be prepared for any reaction from your spouse.
If you and your spouse decide to work through the problems the affair caused – or if your situation doesn’t call on you to tell them – it is now time to work on your marriage or committed relationship. Your time of cheating should have taught you what you want from a partner, what you need to be a positive, caring, giving, and loving partner. So you need to convert that into your relationship.
Be the sort of lover you have always wanted, give your spouse the kind of relationship you dreamed of. Reward your partner daily with love and kindness and true affection. With your affair really and truly done, you can spend all your energy on making your relationship or marriage successful as strong as it can be.
Ending an affair isn’t easy and it is something that often feels downright impossible. But it isn’t impossible and it is almost always necessary for the good of your marriage, family, and future.
However, it needs to be done the right way. Remember to make a plan and commit yourself to stick to it. Remember what your end goals are and what you want your future to look like. Ending an affair can be a time when you can help transform yourself into the person you always knew you could be.
Use the difficulty of the situation to prove that you can get anything done for the greater good. Stick to your bottom line, stay close to your plan, plot your future, and move forward. Be an adult and be honest and the end of your affair can end up being a very positive time in your life.
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