by John Santana
So slowly but gradually you must have realized you are in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. While it’s better to cut ties with such a man and move on with life as you don’t have a magic wand that can fix things instantly.
Trying to fix a man who neither cares about your feelings nor listens to your opinions or anything that you say can badly drain you emotionally and take a toll on your mental health.
But sometimes moving on from a man whom you so dearly love is as hard as living with him. Even if you want, you can’t leave him at any cost. The situation worsens when you are married as the kids and finances get involved. So, what to do to connect with an emotionally unavailable man when you are not able to choose the best option of moving out?
1. Accept who he really is
Well, the first step towards your efforts to connect with an emotionally unavailable man is to accept the way he is. I know that it hurts that your constant subject of attention doesn’t care to return any of the love. “Do you even love me?”
“Why can’t you just open up and try to show at least once in a while that you are having emotions?” These are the constant questions that you keep hurling at him. The fact is, maybe he is already trying to open up for you but loses the motivation by these questions and moves back to his own shell.
So, it’s better to accept him the way he is and realize that the emotionally unavailable man can’t be changed by your aggressive requests.
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2. Try a gentler way to connect with him
You lose your mind when you make arrangements to throw a surprise for him and your efforts are considered as any other casual day. Let me tell you, it’s pretty normal to feel this way. There’s nothing wrong with you, but the man. Losing your temper is common in these situations. But if you really want to connect with him, prefer trying a gentler approach.
Put a gentle (but not fake) smile on your face, hold his hands calmly, and very tenderly tell him the things which are bothering you in the relationship. For instance, even if he hasn’t kissed you for months now, try telling him something like this with a bright smile:
“I love it when you hold my hands with a smile on your face and plant a kiss on my lips.”
3. Recognize if your partner is aware of his emotional unavailability
Sometimes, the person considered as the culprit himself is the victim. This is mostly the issue in the cases of people who suffer from mental health issues.
Either your man is emotionally unavailable because he has his eyes fixed on a mistress… or it is the by-product of his childhood trauma or painful past experiences.
In the latter scenario, it’s not like they willingly hurt you. They themselves are unaware that what they do is wrong and why they behave the way they do.
It’s best to have a discussion with your man about his issue which is obviously like a gamble where either you emerge as a winner or lose everything that you own. Either your man will be able to see his signs and consider his state or backfire on you for counting his flaws.
It’s better to have a calm and compassionate demeanor while confronting him so things don’t fall out of hands.
4. Invest in Individual or Couples counseling
There is nothing to be ashamed about considering an unbiased third party to look into the loopholes of your relationship and point out your problems. Once your partner has accepted his state, there can be nothing better than opting for an individual or a couple’s therapy, or both.
Therapy will not only help him to realize his patterns, it will also help him to deal and soothe his childhood trauma and unload the baggage of his stressful past experiences.
5. Appreciate him when he does something that you like
Desperation is real when it’s been ages since your man treated you well and gave you the love that you are totally deserving of. Your man refuses to treat you special when he takes you on dates. It’s also possible that he doesn’t take you out on dates at all.
You’ve got very little to appreciate about him. But hey, let’s find the tiniest excuses to make him feel as if he is worthy. It can be as tiny as him picking up the kids from school, joining you for grocery shopping, or picking you up from work.
Take this moment to appreciate him how much you loved his action which made you feel loved and cared for. You can also surprise him by gifting him his favorite cologne or making his favorite dish.
6. Rethink your decision
And it’s really miserable to expect from an emotionally unavailable man because now it’s his style to disappoint you with every chance he gets. It’s better to not have any expectations from this man which can be really hard as a relationship is a two-way thing and only one person can’t be responsible for holding all the strings together.
This situation rounds back to your decision of staying with him in spite of his indifferent behavior and carelessness in providing to the relationship. The fact that you can’t expect anything from him – whether it is emotional support, loyalty, or the love of a life-partner puts a big question mark on the existence of your relationship.
If even after all the efforts and counseling your man still can’t provide the basic needs of a partner, then gulp the hard truth and rethink your decision.
What if nothing works?
Hope is the elixir of life. Have hope in your heart and try all the ways that can promise to change your man’s behavior. But it’s entirely possible that his symptoms go deep back and everything that you do seem to fail, but if you want to give it another shot, here’s something that you will love.
It’s His Secret Obsession. This relationship and dating guide have helped thousands of women around the world and it can help you too! No matter how indifferent and cold your man is, the secret tips mentioned in the guide will help you to strengthen the bond and make your man love and crave for you forever. By being able to have a deep insight into his mind, you will be constantly in his thoughts and become his obsession.
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