Woman Having a Date with a Man

Dating an Independent Woman & What She Needs From a Man

Last Updated on December 5, 2022

Independent women know what they want — and how to get it.

When they look for someone to share their life with, these ladies aren’t searching for their “other half” or someone to “complete” them. Independent women don’t need you to be happy, confident, or safe. They can tackle life on their own.

If you’re lucky enough to be dating a woman like this, you can be sure she’s with you because she enjoys your company and you enrich her already full life.

Independent women aren’t high-maintenance, but dating one does require effort. Here’s what you need to know if you’re dating one.


What You Should Know About Dating An Independent Woman

1. She May Be Independent Because She Has to Be

People are social animals. Forming communities and helping each other is our default setting. We’re historically much more likely to be interdependent than independent.

If you’re dating a quintessential independent woman, she’s worked hard to get to where she is on her own. She’s committed to her job, pays her own bills, and is proactive and ambitious. If she isn’t into DIY, she may be too busy, but she knows how to find the best professionals to outsource important tasks to.

The independent woman you’re dating might enjoy this way of life. However, it’s also possible that she does everything on her own because she has to. In that case, she might really enjoy sharing the burden of life with an equal partner she loves.

Relying on yourself all the time can be tiring. The woman you’re dating might look forward to a different life. She might want to share her life and everything in it with you, but she’ll never accept a man who feels he needs to be in charge.

That’s perfect if you’re looking for the same things — an equal partner with whom you can enjoy life and share your burdens.

2. She Will Crave Space

You know those couples who share everything? The ones who wear matching outfits and don’t go anywhere without each other?

That won’t be you if you’re dating an independent woman — or at least not right away.

The woman you’re dating had a rich life before you wandered in, and she’ll keep living now that you’re dating her. The independent woman you’re with will likely want to continue to spend lots of time on her own because it’s what she’s used to and what she likes.

Sometimes she’ll just want to chill at home and watch TV, fix her kitchen cabinets, or play Call of Duty. You may think she should spend time with you because she “isn’t doing anything anyway,” but those nights at home are her way to recharge.

You might not enjoy dating an independent woman if you aren’t that independent yourself and you’re a serial monogamist who doesn’t feel happy being single.

On the upside, if you’re independent, too, you will appreciate that the woman you’re dating doesn’t seek to usurp all your time, and you can still freely pursue your hobbies and passions without fearing she’ll think you don’t care about her.

3. She May Scare You Sometimes

A Man and Woman Having Conversation while Holding a Cup of Coffee

The woman you’re dating proudly stands on her own two feet. She may want you, but she doesn’t need you.

The woman you’re dating may be on a promising career track or run her own business. She may be accomplished and well-educated and have a rich social life. She may also have established passions that have become a huge part of her life.

That may scare you, especially (but not only) if you are less accomplished.

Don’t let it!

Never lose sight of the fact that the woman you’re dating is choosing to date you. She wants you around because she likes, admires, and values you. What could be more fulfilling than a relationship built on that foundation?

4. She May Take a While to Settle Into a Relationship

People who are used to doing things on their own aren’t able to flick a switch to enter “couple mode.” Because of this, the woman you’re dating may turn you down when you try to help her because doing things alone has become her default.

It will take time to earn her trust and accept your help. Don’t be insulted. Instead, accept her offers to help you, and she’ll feel more comfortable letting you into her daily grind over time.

Don’t stop offering help, either — the independent woman in your life will appreciate it, even if she doesn’t accept it.

5. She Wants to Feel Loved

The independent woman you are dating is dating because she’s looking for someone to settle down with. That may be you! She needs you to relate to her as the equal she is rather than a precious gem to protect — so rise to her level.

Dating an independent woman doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate romantic dinner dates, flowers, or weekend getaways. It doesn’t mean she wants to take the reigns all the time, but it does mean she wants input and doesn’t want you to make her choices for her. Are you not sure if the independent woman you’re dating is up for something?

Try asking her first. It’s as simple as that.

6. She Has Lots of Interesting Stories to Share

Listen when she talks. The stories she shares paint a picture of her life and help you decide if you want to move forward with the relationship.

Don’t be scared if she’s done things you have never even heard of. Ask questions and get a glimpse into the fascinating life the woman you’re dating has lived so far.

7. She Probably Wants an Independent Partner

Independent women who have spent much of their lives on their own, creating the home, career, and social circle they desire, often want a similar partner.

Chances are that the woman you are dating is looking for someone who is perfectly OK on their own but would love to share their life with an equally independently-minded person.

What does that mean? The independent woman you’re dating wants to hear all about your life — just like she’s excited to show you what she’s created for herself, she expects the same from you.

Share all your fascinating stories and tell her about your accomplishments during the early stages of dating! The formidable woman you’ve met is looking for an equally impressive partner, and the stories you share can reassure her that you’re perfectly capable of being happy on your own.

8. She Knows Herself and Her Needs

A Couple Smiling while Holding Hands

Independent women, who have been responsible for themselves for much of their lives, have had plenty of time to get to know themselves. They may have made missteps in the past, but these women have also figured themselves and the world out.

Are you looking for a person you can grow with? Do you want to develop a “couple identity” with your partner? That may not be in the cards because the independent woman you’re dating already knows exactly who she is, what she likes, and what she doesn’t.

A relationship with an independent woman means a relationship with a fully-formed person.

9. She Won’t Waste Time

When you date an independent woman, you can expect her to be upfront about her hopes and dreams for the future.

These women will have learned to favor a direct communication style. They say exactly what they want to say, and they may not be diplomatic about it.

That’s a good thing, because it means the woman you are dating values you and your time as much as her own. She may have been alone for a while, and she doesn’t want to waste time with a man or woman who doesn’t have the potential to become a lifelong partner she can settle down with.

10. She Won’t Ask You To Clear Up Her Messes

She’s used to living on her own and taking care of herself.

The independent woman you’re dating is unlikely to ask you for help when she runs into trouble. She knows how to solve her own problems. Your date might not even tell you about hiccups that most couples would share because she’s already taken care of business.

11. You Need To Accept Her The Way She Is

Independent women may be older or have been alone from a young age. They may be mothers, and they have definitely faced their share of struggles and come out stronger.

If you’re dating an independent woman, she will be set in her ways — she knows what works for her, and she’s probably also discovered what doesn’t, often the hard way.

You get what you get. Don’t expect to be able to change the independent woman you’re dating because it won’t happen.
Keep seeing her and move forward with the relationship if you like her exactly the way she is.

Yes, that means respecting her fiercely independent nature is key.

12. She Will Tell You What She Wants From Life

A Couple Reading Book

Are you not sure you are on the same page? Do you worry that your dreams and hopes are radically different from hers?

Just ask.

Independent women are masters of direct communication. The woman you’re dating will gladly share what she’s looking for, so you never have to be afraid to be left in the dark.

Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions because the independent woman you are dating isn’t — and she expects you to be just as upfront as she is.

13. She May Crave New Experiences

You may be able to wow the independent woman you’re dating with exciting date ideas, like skydiving or free-climbing. She might also look forward to eating the meals you cook her from scratch or snuggling up on the couch — things she won’t be used to if she’s been single for a long time.

14. She Is There Because She Wants You

The independent woman you’re dating isn’t with you because she needs you or doesn’t know how to be single. She isn’t dating you because society expects her to settle down.

She’s dating you because she’s attracted to you, thinks you’re smart and funny and admires you. She’s dating you because she wants you.

If she didn’t, the independent woman you’re dating would quickly walk away. She’s used to doing things on her own, after all, and she doesn’t have time to date someone she’s not sure about. That’s a tremendous confidence booster!

Enjoy it!

Dating An Independent Woman: A Final Word

Being part of a couple is some people’s default mode. These people either don’t know how to be alone because they’ve never tried it, or they’re young and think it’s impossible to be happy single.

Are you dating a strong and independent woman? You’re lucky.

You can rest assured that your date knows herself. She knows what she wants from life and can stand on her own two feet. She’s dating you because she knows the right partner could enrich her already happy life, and she thinks you may fit the bill.

Honor her for what she is.

Go into the relationship assuming that the woman you’re dating will let you know what she wants and expects you to share your needs and wants with her. Enjoy the exciting activities early dating brings, but be sure to make time for those heart-to-heart conversations that spell out what kind of future you would both like.

Independent women know how to be on their own, but they don’t necessarily want to be. So when these women look for a partner, they want someone who can be their rock — and someone they can take care of.

Are you looking for an equal relationship built on mutual trust and respect? Look no further than an independent woman who’s chosen you!

John Santana

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