15 Signs You’re Dating a Man Who is Not Financially Stable (And What To Do About It)
by John Santana
Every new relationship has its own struggles and challenges, but not agreeing on finances can be one of the things that break a relationship forever. But many people do not think money challenges are a dealbreaker. What’s most important is that the other person is honest with you.
If they are honest about their financial struggles and you are okay with it, then the relationship can move forward. You might not even notice a man is not financially stable though at first. As the relationship continues, you might see many signs showing he is not stable.
This guide will cover how to tell if someone is not financially stable and then what you can do about it. It will also cover if and when you should continue the relationship and things you should consider before breaking up.
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How To Tell If a Man Is Not Financially Stable
Think your man might not be financially stable but you aren’t sure? Here are some of the things you need to look for and be aware of.
He Only Wants to Do Free Things
Being on a budget and looking for free activities is not something to worry about. Some people just want to be cautious about the money leaving their wallets. However, if he refuses to do things that are not free, he might have financial problems.
If he refuses to take you to nice places, even on special occasions, he might not have enough money to take you to the places you deserve to go. He might also only take you out during happy hour or when places have discounts.
You Never Eat At Nice Places
Of course, you don’t need to go to 5-star restaurants for every meal. But sometimes going to a fancy place is nice, especially when you have an anniversary or other special milestone in the relationship.
However, if he only wants to go to places that are small and not fancy, he might not be financially stable. If you mention that you would love to have a date night at a classy place and he refuses, you need to reevaluate why he won’t take you to nice places and see if you are okay to continue the relationship.
He Never Pays
In relationships, it’s normal to share things in a 50/50 manner. You should never be the one paying all the time. If he never offers to pay or expects you to pay every time, you need to be careful.
You don’t want to get taken advantage of. Make sure he knows you take turns paying so you are not expected to pay every time you go out with him.
You’ve Never Seen His Place
If he only comes to your places and makes excuses for you not to ever come over, he might be embarrassed about where he lives, or he might not have a place of his own. This is a big red flag, especially when he is not honest about it.
If he has a valid reason for not living in his own place, you can move on with the relationship. However, it’s a red flag if you are both older and he is still crashing with friends or parents.
He Never Wants To Talk About Money
If you want to talk about money and he becomes nervous or flustered, this could be a sign he does not have money and doesn’t want to talk about it. You should see if he gets stressed when you mention money.
Talking about money is a bit odd at the beginning of a relationship though. However, if you have been together for a long time, he should be open about his money and how much he is making.
His Job and Lifestyle Do Not Match
See if his job and the way he acts much. If he is a manager at a small restaurant but lives in a large home and drives a new car or luxury car, he might be trying to cover something. He could be charging everything to credit cards and trying to cover his issues by always being covered in bling.
If he is too flashy with his clothes and possessions, this could be a sign he does not have money but is pretending he does.
His Bills Pile Up
If you live together or you go to his house and see lots of bills piling up or late notice bills, you might start to wonder why he has not paid these things. You should have an honest decision with him if you see much mail lying around. This could mean unpaid bills.
He Always Uses a Credit Card
Pay attention to how he pays. Using a credit card sometimes is normal, but other times it can mean he does not have direct access to money. He should be paying with cash or debit cards at least sometimes.
Always see how he pays and notice if he never seems to have cash. This can be a red flag. If he has more than one credit card, this can also be a bad sign as it means he might have maxed out one and is not using another one.
He Lies
If you notice your boyfriend lying about his money, his job, or where he lives- this could all be a sign that he does not have money. If he continues lying, this is grounds for stopping the relationship. You should never be with someone that lies to you.
A relationship without trust is not a relationship. Make sure you are being cautious around someone that is lying. If they are lying about small things, they might also be lying about big things.
He Never Makes Big Plans
Does your boyfriend commit to going on vacation, going to an event, or doing something else that requires big money, only to flake on it later? He could be acting committed to making it seem like he has money only to cancel the plans later on when he does not have enough money to go through on the plans.
If he always cancels plans or never shows up, this could be a signal he has money problems but does not want to admit to it.
He Won’t Commit
Men with money issues will usually not commit because they know they do not have enough money to support them. This is just one of the many reasons why men do not commit. If you notice any of the other things on this list, plus he won’t commit, this is usually a signal that he does not have enough funds to be with you.
He Acts Big
You might notice the other person talking big and acting big, but they don’t have anything to show for it. If you see them trying to make plans or acting like they are going to buy you something and then do not, this could be because they are trying to make it seem like they have money, but they do not.
Always be with someone who keeps their word and doesn’t lie about their finances. This can cause a huge strain on the relationship that is hard to overcome.
They Have An Addiction
Sometimes people who are struggling financially are just going through a phase, but sometimes they have an underlying addiction that is causing them to spend all their money and not have enough for bills and you.
If you think your boyfriend has an addiction, you need to get him to help right away. Try to see things from his point of view and confront him.
You can also confront him with a loved one or mutual friend if you think you can’t do it alone. Addiction costs money, and some people will go so far as to spend their entire paycheck on drugs or alcohol if they think they need it that badly.
Financial issues can spiral quickly when there is an addiction. You might notice him changing jobs often as well if there is an addition because he will not be able to concentrate at work, and he might get fired often.
They Ask You To Do The Shopping
If you need groceries or other items for the home, they might always ask you to come to do the shopping with them and then you end up paying. He might not ever do the shopping alone because he does not have money.
Try to avoid being the only one that spends the money as this shows them they can be financially dependent on you. It might cause them to never go back to work. They might think they no longer have to work because you can just buy everything.
The Debt Is Out Of Control
It’s normal for people to have some debt, especially when it comes to student debt. Don’t be alarmed if they have some debt to their name. However, large amounts of debt are to be asked about. Ask them why they have so much credit card debt and what caused them to get there.
You might also see them continuing to use their credit cards despite the fact they already have huge payments on them or cannot meet the minimum payment.
What To Do When Your Man Is Not Financially Stable
Just because your boyfriend is not financially stable does not mean you can’t be with him. However, you do need to think about the relationship and consider if it’s worth moving forward.
If you want to move forward, there are some options and solutions that you have. Here are the things you can contemplate on and think about.
Ask If He Needs Help
If you love him and he is just having a hard time temporarily, you might be able to help. Ask him what happened to his finances and if he is still working. If you are both committed and he is willing to work harder to make more money, you can help him out in the meantime.
It’s not recommended that you jump in to help him if you have not been together for a long time or if you are not committed. Never offer to help pay bills or debt if you do not know him well enough to know if he would do the same for you.
Try To Understand
If you admit he lost his job or does not have enough money because of debt, you can try to understand. Everyone goes through hard times, and he might have just hit a few bumps in the road.
However, if the money issues are constant and he is not trying to work them out, this can signal that he cannot be financially responsible, and you will always have issues.
Make Budgets
If you decide you want to work together, you need to make a budget with each other and stick to it. Show him the categories he spends monthly and then show him how much money to place in each one.
Make sure he is not overspending. Make it an effort as a couple, so he does not feel like you are controlling him and his money.
During this time, you should not give him money because he needs to learn to budget for himself.
Always Be Kind
Even if you did not know about his issues and he lied about them, you need to be kind and respectful. Even if you do not want to be with him anymore, you need to be kind and respectfully leave him and explain that you cannot be with someone who is not financially stable.
Should I Date Someone Who Is Not Financially Stable?
This depends on you and where you on in your life. Most people do not have pristine finances with no issues from time to time. However, you need to expect the other person you are with to be open and honest about finances, especially before you marry them.
Some people are okay with dating people who are not financially stable when they are young. However, they want to be with someone who has their finances in order before they grow old and start a family.
Here are things to ask yourself before moving forward in a relationship when the person is not financially stable:
- How old are you? Does financial stability matter at this age?
- Is this a serious relationship or is it just something casual?
- Are you financially stable yourself?
- Does his not being financially stable make you also not financially stable?
- How financially unstable is he?
- Does he have the potential to make money in the near future?
If he is in school and might make big money later on, consider this. For some people being financially unstable is just a phase. However, some people have no desire to work and have no problem mooching off others. Consider which one he is and then move forward from there.
No matter your age or occupation, the money you make and the money your partner makes will affect your relationship. Some people even only date for money. They only want to be with others that can serve their financial interests.
You need to decide whether you can be with this person or not and whether you can handle their finances. Whatever you decide is the right choice because you are making it for yourself, and only you know the best choice for you.
You also need to take into account their spending habits. They might seem to be financially stable now, but how will they be in a few years if they spend nonstop? You might see your secure financial future go down the drain if they cannot get their spending under control.
Make sure the two of you can stick to a budget together and get as much done as possible when it comes to spending and saving.
Protecting Your Finances
If you want to continue to be with someone who is still working on themselves financially, you need to make sure you protect your finances. Do not let them have access to your bank account or credit cards. Make sure you have firm boundaries about finances that are not to be crossed.
Make plans for what each person will pay for, and let them know you will not pay for everything. You also need to make a budget with them and stick to it, so they know you are serious.
It’s perfectly fine not to be too sure about money or bank accounts, especially when you are not married.
Final Thoughts
There are many signs and red flags to look out for when it comes to someone who is not financially stable and lying about their finances. Some people are embarrassed and do not want to talk about it, while others just want to lie so they can try not to spend their own money.
Regardless of if you’re comfortable being with them or not, make sure you protect yourself and the money you have worked hard for.
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