Bisexual Christmas Survival Guide: How to Handle the Holidays Without Explaining Yourself (Again)

There are plenty of bi folk who adore Christmas, but for some, a bisexual Christmas survival guide is needed. This could be because of prying or rude relatives, or even just because they’re fed up with explaining themselves.

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We want you to have a Christmas season that’s full of the joy and love it’s supposed to have. A key element of that is sidestepping the need to explain yourself again and again. Here’s our quick guide to navigating out of those annoying questions and having a bisexual Christmas you can enjoy.

Why Explaining Yourself Is So Annoying

As Mandy Shunnarah points out on Bi.org, repeated questioning about your bisexuality goes beyond just being a hassle. Over time, we can start to feel how invasive and invalidating those questions are. While it’s not all the people you’ll interact with over the holidays, it’s undoubtedly a few. Often, those few are more distant relatives who may either be prejudiced or simply underinformed.

Regardless of the source of the questioning, it’s irritating because it so often revolves around a fundamental misunderstanding of bisexuality. As bi people, we know that it’s not a phase or some kind of intermediate step between straight and gay. However, those are the common misconceptions we’re up against. Let’s chat about some great ways to shut those questions down and get on with the business of enjoying your bisexual Christmas.

A Bisexual Christmas: How to Handle Those Questions

• The Classic Brush Off: Simply brushing someone off when they ask an invasive or personal question is a classic for a reason: it’s easy. The best way to do it is to appear as though you didn’t hear the question, or that you misheard or misinterpreted it. For instance, if a relative asks if you think you’ll eventually settle down with a man or a woman, you could reply “Yes, I’d love to get married someday”, or “I’m sure I’d be happy with either, so long as they can make a Christmas dinner like this one!”
• A Witty Response: Being witty can be tough, especially when you’re your own worst critic. However, it’s important to remember that most people’s threshold for a funny joke is relatively low; even something slightly cheeky or punny will work fine to deflect during your bisexual Christmas. Cheeky is a good way to go, since families often enjoy gentle ribbing. For instance, if a golf-loving uncle asks why you can’t just pick either men or women, you could say, “Well, I’m like you browsing for a new club: everything looks good!”
• Kind, but Blunt: It’s certainly okay to be a little rude when someone’s asking extremely personal and invasive questions during your bisexual Christmas. However, it’s also okay to always prefer to be kind. As Rebecca Fearn eloquently shared in an article for Glamour, “I’ve known deep down I was attracted to more than one gender my entire life.” If you want to be kind, you can lift that straightforward sentence and use it yourself: simple and effective!
• Deliberately Offensive: Being purposefully offensive is definitely the nuclear option, and it’s not one we would recommend. We do totally get it, though: if someone’s intentionally being cruel, unpleasant, or bullying, it’s understandable to want to lash out. However, by lashing out, you’re adding fuel to the fire. The best thing to do is to walk away: they can’t annoy you if you’re not there.

You Got Out of There: Now What?

Stepping away from a big gathering is sometimes the best way to avoid conflict. Now that you’ve stepped outside, though, what do you do? Well, here are some ideas.

• Rant in Your Notes App: An overlooked positive quality of an argument is the catharsis of actually yelling your frustrations out loud. It’s not quite the same, but tapping them into your phone can achieve a similar result: it’s all about getting it out of your brain, one way or the other. If you’re worried about your rant getting read over your shoulder later on, you can always delete it straight away.
• Take a Walk: Going for a walk in the winter can fill your senses with all sorts of new and interesting things. You could see any number of wild animals, pretty plants, or Christmas decorations. When you get these new sources of stimulation into your head, it can help distract you from what fired you up. After a little bit, you’ll likely find you’ve cooled down enough to return to your family Christmas, work party, or whatever else frustrated you.
• Do Something Exclusively For You: “Do something for yourself” can be quite wishy-washy self-care advice. In this instance, we’re talking about bisexual Christmas self-care as spite. Let’s say, for example, that an uncle who hates spicy food was making rude “jokes” at your expense. In turn, you could take yourself out for a super spicy and tasty lunch. That way, you can cheer yourself up with a pleasant self-care activity while also having the satisfaction of knowing it’s something your uncle would hate. That sense of spite isn’t healthy in the long run, but holding onto it for the space of one self-care meal is surely okay.

Having the best Christmas has long been a tall order, but we hope we’ve been able to make it a little more accessible for you! This year, use our toolbox to have a bisexual Christmas full of the love and pride that you deserve.